Tag Archives: mental health

Remeron Weaning, Take 4

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I have had such a long, epic relationship with Remeron, generic for the anti-anxiety medication Mirtazipane, that I had to look through old blog entries to reconstruct my timeline. I am about to wean off it again and could not for the life of me remember if this would be the third or fourth attempt.

It’s the fourth.

I am going to blatantly plagiarize my blog post from April 2019 to reconstruct my timeline:

  • I started taking Remeron in July 2013 when I was first diagnosed with postpartum depression. I took it at bedtime and it definitely helped me sleep. I wrote all about it in my memoir, Adventures with Postpartum Depression.
  • My first psychiatrist yanked me off Remeron and Zoloft in February 2015 when I learned I was pregnant with my second child.
  • When Julian was born in November 2015, I started taking Zoloft again. My new psychiatrist and I decided that I could wait on the Remeron.
  • Three months after Julian was born, I started experiencing increased anxiety and insomnia. I tried to tough it out then realized I was being a martyr for no good reason. I called my psychiatrist and we decided to (1) bump my dose of Zoloft from 100 mg to 150 and (2) put me back on 15 mg of Remeron at bedtime.
  • I took Remeron for a year or so and then my psychiatrist and I decided I was ready to wean off Zoloft and Remeron.
  • I weaned off Remeron and was off it for several months but then, early 2017, when I made some dietary changes (quitting sugar, reducing carbs), I noticed a surge in anxiety at bedtime. Along with the anxiety came insomnia.
  • I realized that I had been numbing some unaddressed anxiety with food, so I went back on Remeron for the rest of 2017. I did a lot of journaling to work through the anxiety and food issues.
  • About six or seven months ago, in Fall 2018, I started weaning off Remeron for the third time. By the end of 2018, I was sleeping beautifully sans mirtazipane and assumed I did not need the drug anymore.

Whew. So that brings us through December 2018 and what I thought was the end of my relationship with Remeron. But my old friend insomnia returned in mid-January 2019. It took me about two months to realize I had insomnia. Let me recap:

  • First, my shoulder went out on January 13, 2019 the day after I turned 40. The timing felt like a cosmic joke. I started having trouble getting enough sleep. I blamed my sleep issues on my shoulder pain.
  • Then I had a cold. I took Tylenol PM and Nyquil and got enough sleep.
  • Shoulder pain and insomnia continued. When the cold was over, I blamed the latter on the former.
  • Shoulder pain was brought under control, but I was still having trouble getting enough sleep. I would fall asleep easily enough but wake up and stay awake for hours and hours. Some nights, I’d be up from 2-5 a.m. Some nights, I was just up until it was time to start my day.
  • I decided I needed to wean off caffeine. I always sleep better when I’m off caffeine.
  • Another cold. More Nyquil.
  • Finally, by mid-March 2019 I was fully off caffeine.
  • But still, I was not getting enough sleep.
  • I realized I needed to go back on Remeron.

I have been back on Remeron since mid-March 2019, and though I have only been taking it for seven months, I feel ready to wean again. A couple months ago, I started taking a magnesium supplement called Calm at bedtime. My primary physician recommended I take it when I told her that I fall asleep fine but have trouble getting back to sleep if I wake up during the night. Apparently, for a woman, this type of sleep issue can be related to a magnesium deficiency. An hour before bedtime, I stir a quarter teaspoon of the powder supplement into an ounce or two of hot water. I drink it like its tea, and I have noticed a remarkable improvement in my quality of sleep since adding the supplement to my bedtime routine.

So. Deep breath. It is time for me to wean off Remeron for the fourth time. We shall see what happens this time around. As I have told myself before, I will take the medications I need to take in order to feel like my best self, stigma be damned. But I do not want to take medications if I can make lifestyle changes to manage my symptoms.

I feel like I am at the beginning of a transformation. I quit soda. I started hot yoga. And I found the Calm supplement. Maybe this time I will wean myself off Remeron and stay off it for more than few months. Who knows? This might be the last time I ever wean off Remeron.

Here’s the weaning plan:

  • I alternate between a full dose of 7.5 mg and a half dose of 3.75 for two weeks.
  • Then, I’ll take the half dose every night for two weeks.
  • Then I’ll take a half dose every other night for two weeks. On the off nights, I will just take the Calm supplement. (I will take the Calm supplement every night regardless.)
  • Then. I’m done.

We shall see what happens next! I have not scheduled a follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist. She suggested we leave it open and I can get in touch with her if I feel the need. I love her faith and trust in my ability to monitor my health. I love that I trust myself to do this as well!  

p.s. I drafted this post on Halloween, an hour after my appointment with my psychiatrist. This is being posted a bit later though because hey, Halloween + Mom Life.

The Trouble With Zoloft

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I started taking Zoloft in late July 2013 when I was first diagnosed with postpartum depression. It was a life saver. Four months postpartum, I was in a deep pit of despair. I needed Zoloft to give me my physiology a jumpstart so that I could build some momentum and claw my way out of depression.

I kept taking Zoloft until February 2015 when I learned I was pregnant with my son Julian. My psychiatrist at the time decided I should be on a different medication during pregnancy. (I have since read Pregnant on Prozac and feel like it would have been better to keep me on Zoloft during pregnancy but that’s not what I’m writing about today.) So I stayed off Zoloft during pregnancy but started taking it again about three days after giving birth to Julian in early November 2015.

I stayed on Zoloft for about a year and then started my long journey of weaning off Zoloft. Man, that was an adventure. It took about a year. I have now been officially off Zoloft for not quite fourteen months. Woot woot!

And man, I have learned a lot about myself since getting off Zoloft.

My first menstrual cycle after weaning off Zoloft was awful. I felt deranged. My mood swings were intense, my insomnia was intense. Apparently Zoloft had been keeping my PMS in check.

And before Zoloft? Before I had kids? Honestly, I don’t remember. Maybe I had bad PMS but it wasn’t an issue because I could give myself all the love and attention I needed. I could sleep in, exercise more, get a massage… Or maybe I’ve just gotten older and my body is now more deeply affected by my hormonal fluctuations. I don’t know. But I do know this: off Zoloft, my PMS was brutal.

That prompted me to get curious and pay attention to the way I was living my life. If I needed to take Zoloft to manage my PMS: okay. But if I could make other changes, stay off Zoloft, and still manage my PMS: better. Much, much better. I don’t want to take medications unless I actually need to take the medications.

Over the past year, I have been experimenting with my diet. Through trial and error, I learned that if I eat refined sugar, I experienced wicked PMS; if I abstain from cookies and ice cream, my PMS is minimal. I might get a little grumpy and feel a blip of PMS, but it’s completely manageable.

Giving up refined sugar has helped me lose weight. And I’m not talking about a few pounds here, folks. Since January 2018, I’m down 43 pounds! I have 57 more to lose, but let’s focus on the positive: I’m down 43 pounds! That’s a ton of weight. That’s a major improvement in my health. I have been struggling to lose weight for years. I thought I just needed better will power or the right diet, but actually, I needed to experience the pain of vile PMS.

So that brings me to the trouble with Zoloft. Zoloft gave me the boost I needed to start my recovery from postpartum depression. It kept me out of the darkness of a second round of depression when I had my second baby. But Zoloft also smoothed away the PMS; so I did not feel forced to examine my life; and I did not realize the connection between sugar and my moods.

Zoloft did so many good, amazing things for me. It literally saved my life. But in saving my life, it also made my life easier. I did not have to think about increasing my exercise or changing my diet because hey, Zoloft made everything feel okay.

I’m glad Zoloft was there to yank me out of depression, but now I’m grateful to be living Zoloft-free. I experience all my feelings and mood swings, and my feelings and mood swings have prompted me to make some of the most dramatic changes to my lifestyle.

Zoloft saved my life. But getting off Zoloft has helped me live the best life I possibly can.