Overall, the Novak family is doing very well during the 2020 Epic Shelter-At-Home Craziness. I feel lucky and blessed to have two healthy children who like to play together. We live in a three bedroom house with a lovely front lawn (used today for an obstacle course and soccer) and when the weather warms up, we can swim in our pool. We have a lemon tree and space for a container garden, and our flat quiet neighborhood is ideal for nature walks and scooter rides. Yes, the Novak family is blessed.

But this is still tough!

Fortunately this week is spring break in Pasadena, and the “break” is giving me a chance to give “distance learning” my best side eye. I hate distance learning. It’s a total and absolute fuck. My kids do not have the disposition for being home schooled, and I don’t have the inclination to do it either. There’s a reason they both go to school! If I let them play, make art, and watch t.v., then we are all okay. But then I start to worry that all of Pippa’s classmates are doing more “distance learning” and she will fall behind, and what sort of mother would neglect her daughter’s phonics?!

F-U-C-K, this is hard!

Mostly, like 98% of the time, I am actually handling the shelter-at-home constraints pretty well. I have surrendered to the experience. I am letting the kids play and snuggle with me (we always do this, just way more than usual), and I am looking at the bright side of things. At least I don’t have to pack school lunches and I have plenty of time to do laundry. At least we are not rushing to get to school on time. At least we have each other. At least, at least, at least …

It’s still hard.

It’s hard to be stuck at home all the time with two kids who miss their friends. It’s hard to spend all this time in Mom Mode and not have enough time for Writer Mode. It’s hard to not know when this will fucking end.

I am trying to find the right mixture of “we got this!” and “holy shit, this is hard.” I don’t know that there is actually a right mixture. Instead, it’s more that I have to get comfortable with making space for both ideas in my heart.

Because yes, I’ve got this. I’m actually thriving while I shelter-at-home with my kids. I am blogging, I recorded my first podcast episode in a year and a half, and I’m making decent progress on the first draft of my fantasy novel. I am taking damn good care of myself and my kids, thank you very much, and there are like a hundred ideas on my Pinterest Quarantine board that we are yet to touch. We can do this!

But wow oh wow, this is hard. It’s not natural! I think of my cave women ancestors, venturing forth into the world, bravely and boldly with each other. Humans are not meant to hide in their caves alone for weeks and weeks on end. Yet that is what we are doing. I know it is for the greater good but that does not mean it is easy or natural.

I can do this, but damn, it’s tough. Are there any pandemic merit badges? Because I feel like I have earned at least a dozen at this point and by the time this is over, and we are free to go to birthday parties and museums and restaurants, I will have earned enough merit badge to wallpaper my entire house.

I use the Notes App on my iPhone to keep track of all the random ideas that pop into my head throughout the day. Today I did the iPhone version of spring cleaning and deleted all the olds notes I no longer need, like the invitee list for Julian’s birthday party last fall, the first grade holiday party checklist, and Christmas gift ideas.

For shits and giggles, here are some of the notes that I just can’t explain:

• Troglodyte houses – France
• Fun Words: Spondulicks
• And I’m skipping

I can kind of explain the first two notes. I vaguely recall reading about troglodyte houses in a novel and I must have thought they would make a cool setting for my fantasy novel in progress. And “spondulicks” is a word that means “money, cash” so who wouldn’t want to put that in their iPhone notes?

But “And I’m skipping”??? That’s the whole note – those words constitute bot title and substance – and I have not a bloody clue as to the when, where or why behind those three words. (Meaning of life? A really bad haiku? Too much caffeine? Again?)

More recently, my notes relate to quarantine and shelter at home:

• “quarantine science experiments” (watch out, baking soda stash, your days are numbered!)
• “Corona stories” (because of course my brain is processing this whole fiasco by turning it into a novel)
• “after quarantine” (I’ll write a separate post about my post-Covid-19 bucket list)

I always have multiple notes with ideas for blog posts. I started two in March, and damn, the differences between the two notes really demonstrates how drastically my life has been transformed by Covid-19.

During the first half of March, I wanted to write blog posts about:

• Noom updates
• Girl Scout cookie chair reflections and how the experience helped me grow and come to grips with my anxiety
• Hot Yoga – tips for newbies, my journey and progress, what I have learned
• Aquarium mishaps and lessons

I am still using Noom and it’s a big factor in keeping me healthy and sane during these Crazy AF times. I wrapped up the Girl Scout cookie chair season just a couple of weeks ago, and yet that seems about five lifetimes ago. The hot yoga studio I love and adore is closed during sheltering at home and I won’t be able to go there until at least May. And the aquarium – well, I love our aquarium but it’s not the most pressing thing on my writing mind these days.

The list of blog ideas that I started after my kids’ schools closed is a bit more timely:

• ways to play and have fun at home
• grateful my shoulder went out last year and I got myself into better shape before pandemic started
• ditto for the dishwasher – thank goodness is crapped out in December and did not survive a few more months!
• poor Claire! will she get to be bachelorette?
• it feels like this will never end
• this is tougher for my kids than it is for me
• what works for us does not necessarily work for others.

I am not going to make any promises as to what blog posts I’ll actually get around to writing. I often decide, about ten minutes before I get to my laptop, what I am going to blog about, and then my fingers touch the keyboard and I write about something else entirely. But I am going to keep blogging because every blog post makes me feel a little more centered and sane. I have always wanted to develop a regular blog practice — blogging is not exactly as trendy or sexy as it used to be, but it does feel right for me. So at least as far as blogging is concerned, sheltering at home is helping me develop a good habit that has eluded me until now.

Maybe in all the darkness and weirdness and uncertainty of the pandemic, some good things will actually emerge.

I love podcasts, but last autumn-ish, I got a little tired of my usual shows. Around that same time, I discovered the magnificence that is #IMomSoHard and since they have a book, I decided to try the audio version. I am a huge bookworm, and have tried to get into audiobooks on numerous occasions, but never could. I assumed that audiobooks were just not for me but thought that if I was ever going to like an audiobook, it would be IMomSoHard. I was right – I loved the audiobook – and the IMomSoHard audiobook was kind of like my gateway drug to audiobooks.

So long story short, I became obsessed with audiobooks right around the time I was tired of my usual podcasts, so I stopped listening to podcasts altogether the last few months of 2019.

But at the beginning of 2020, I set a few (or twenty-ish) goals for myself, and one of those goals was to listen to twenty new podcasts in 2020. I am so glad I set that goal because after discovering a few fun new shows, I fell back in love with podcasts. AND JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME because now that we are in pandemic mode, I just don’t feel as interested in audiobooks. Or books in general. My brain just doesn’t have the focus.

But podcasts? Yes, please!

I am currently loving The Dream. Season One was about multi-level marketing companies (MLMs) and honestly, that sounded a bit boring to me. But once I listened to the first episode, I was hooked. Totally fascinating. I just started Season Two, which is about the wellness industry. Also totally fascinating.

The shows I inhaled in January and February were:

• Dr. Death
• The Shrink Next Door
• The Baron of Botox
• Bad Batch
• Food, We Need to Talk

I also started listening to the just launched Unlocking Us with Brene Brown. The first episode was very inspiring and Brene (we’re on a first name basis) talks about the pandemic. The second episode was an interview with the founder of the Me Too movement, which was also very inspiring, but a tougher listen. It was just very weighty and my brain was struggling to grab on to all the ideas. But I am going to listen to the third episode just as soon as I finish binging The Dream.

I also love the show Awesome with Alison. Alison and her husband Eric are currently hosting a read-a-long of The Four Agreements, a book which I have been meaning to reread. If I can get my brain to JUST READ SOME WORDS ALREADY, I am going to do that soon. Awesome with Alison is one of my favorite shows for helping me become a better person, and The Four Agreements changed my life, so really, just check either one out.

I listen to three writing podcasts, because hello, I’m a writer: The Story Grid, The Creative Penn, and How Do You Write? During normal times, I like to listen to those shows weekly. During pandemic times, I’ve been less interested in my writing shows. They will still be there when my brain is ready to think about the process and business of writing again.

And finally, in other podcast news, I did it! I recorded a special pandemic episode for my old podcast Adventures with Postpartum Depression. And it’s already available! Look at that, it’s been a year and a half but my rusty old brain remembered how to ride that bicycle.

I am now toying with the idea of actually starting my new podcast Adventures with My Forties. I have been kicking around the idea for this new show for a year now, and last fall, I actually recorded two or three episodes and started looking for show music. But then I got overwhelmed with mom life and worried that I was taking away time from my writing; and since writing time has been a very precious limited resource for me, I did not want to cut into that time with a podcast. So I tabled the new podcast.

But now the new podcast idea is pinging around in my head and I think I am going to launch it soon. It feels like I don’t have the time for a new podcast, and yet, I don’t not have the time for it either. I meant for the show to deal with adventures like aging, hormones, menopause, spirituality, and parenting, and it will still hit on those issues. Eventually. But right now, it looks like the show will first tackle the adventure of living through a pandemic.

My brain is too tired to think of a clever way to end this post, so instead, I’ll just say bye, adios, and can anyone please tell me why Julian spent the past five minutes licking the window?

I am thinking a lot about the postpartum parents in these Strange AF Times. When I had postpartum depression, I was petrified of germs – and that was in 2013! How are the moms and dads with newborns handling the pandemic? I am so grateful that my kids are 7 and 4. I would be losing my mind if I was still in the trenches with a newborn.

Even though I have retired my podcast Adventures with Postpartum Depression, I keep thinking that I should record a special pandemic episode.

But what the hell would I say? There is nothing I can say that would make navigating these scary times with a newborn any easier for the moms and dads who are tipping into the darkness of postpartum depression (or who are already there). We are all in all new territory. No one knows what it is like to have postpartum depression during a pandemic except the moms and dads suffering right now.

But here is something worth noting: postpartum depression is a spectrum illness. There is no precise formula for who gets PPD and who does not. But there are risk factors that increase the odds that a parent will get postpartum depression. These factors include:

• Traumatic birth experience: I would say that giving birth in a hospital during a pandemic would be pretty damn traumatizing. Also, trauma is subjective. If you think something was traumatic, then it was.
• An emotionally painful or stressful experience around birth or parenting: does a pandemic count? HELL YES! My god. Grandparents are meeting their new grandchildren through windows AND THAT IS NOT OKAY. It’s what we have to do, but how ridiculously heartbreaking. For all of you with little babies social distancing from loved ones, I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.
• Stress: Okay, 2020 is sort of breaking new records in the stress department. #toiletpaper
• Lack of social support: OMFG! We are all lacking social support these days. I am doing tons of phone calls, Facetime, Google Hangouts, and texting, but it’s just not the same as being in the presence of the people I love. Being alone at home was a huge part of my PPD experience. Now everyone in the state of California, and so many other states, have been ordered to stay at home. UGH. New moms and new dads: I see you! Parenting is tough but holy shit, you are dealing with unprecedented toughness.

As I write through my thoughts and feelings, I feel as if all new parents are at an increased risk for postpartum depression. If you are struggling, please please please ask your doctor for help. And please, do not blame yourself. You have not done anything wrong.

I am going to let my thoughts coalesce a little more but the more I think about this, the more I think that I want and need to do a special pandemic episode. I do not have all the answers, but I can at least offer empathy to the new parents suffering through this crisis.

Years ago, I read Brenda Ueland’s magnificent book If You Want to Write and that book contained a piece of advice that I have never forgotten: Neglect the housework. This advice is so important, especially now in the middle of a freaking pandemic, that I am going to hop over to Canva and turn it into a fancy graphic. So excuse me, but I’ll be write back …

Okay, whew, I’m back. I know that was like 0.01 seconds for you, but that actually took about 6 minutes for me, mainly because I was playing with the Fade feature, and after settling on the laundry background image, I saw something that looked like colorful sponges, so I switched to the sponges but the sponges actually looked like melted candies, so I went back to the laundry. But I digress! Here’s the advice again, this time in fancy social media format:

Now I realize we are in the middle of a pandemic, and there are concerns about germs. I get it. I am cleaning and sanitizing counters and sinks way more frequently than is my usual habit, which is fairly close to never. (Don’t tell my mother.) (In usual times, I have a cleaning lady and I do clean the counters on occasion.) (Still, don’t tell my mother.)

These days, I am doing more housework than ever. Since we are eating all our meals and snacks at home, we are generating more dishes. Nathan and I decided on pizza for tonight partly so we can catch up on the backlog of dirty pots and pans (but mainly because pizza is awesome). I am also doing laundry every day, washing counters and tables and sinks, and attending to a never-ending stream of tidying. And these chores actually keep me sane. I get this glowing burst of pride in my chest when I shove the last dish in the dishwasher or cram Julian’s clean laundry back into his drawers.

But I could still be doing more. I sweep, and as I sweep, the kids leave a trail of fresh crumbs across the house. Even when they are not eating! I swear, the kids just spontaneously shed crumbs wherever they go. I tidy, and when I turn my back, the mess regroups and launches a fresh assault, I clean the bathroom counter and the next time I wash my hands, the sink is filthy with toothpaste and paint even though I swear we have not painted in at least three days. I could drive myself mad trying to keep up with the housework.

So I am letting it go.

I will keep the house as clean as necessary for Covid-19 purposes, but I am not going to stress over every stray bit of glitter gracing the wood floors. (And sweet heaven, there is so much glitter, Kinetic sand, dried up bits of play dough, someone please stop me because I could keep writing this list all night!) Even though cleaning and tidying give me a sense of satisfaction, my mental health needs more than that little kick of pride I get from a (momentarily) clean countertop.

My mental health needs:

• Meditation
• Journaling
• Walking, oh my god, so much walking
• Blogging (hi!)
• Writing my fantasy novel
• Stretching
• Crafting
• Snuggling with the kids
• Watching Schitt’s Creek with Nathan
• Listening to podcasts
• Learning French on Duolingo
• Talking to friends on the phone
• Reading

If I lose my mind over housework, all those good things above will fall to the wayside; and now more than ever, I need the things that boost my spirits and make my heart soar.

And then, putting aside my self-care efforts, I am also spending an ass shit ton of time taking care of Pippa and Julian. They need meals, snuggles, stories, more snuggles, tickles, and even more snuggles. They need me to get on the ground with them and decorate our sidewalk with chalk. They need long walks and a listening ear, and their mental health is far more important than the state of the floors. (Even though there is so. much. freaking. glitter.)

I will leave you now with two pieces of advice:

1. Neglect the housework! And perhaps more importantly,
2. Do not ever visit my house unless you are willing to leave with bits of glitter on the bottom of your feet/shoes.

Today was much better than yesterday. Of course, that was a pretty low bar to clear, but hey-o, I did it!

Now that I am in a better headspace, today is feeling like a good time for a (wait for it…) 2020 Goals Checks! I previously wrote about my 2020 Goals in this January post. I like having goals, so for shits and giggles, let’s see how my 2020 goals are faring during the current Covid-19 Shit Storm.

1. Track My Values: I have not formally written about my values in my journal for several weeks. It’s a good exercise, so I’ll do that this week.
2. Limit Refined Sugar: [insert hysterical laughter] Yeah that’s not happening. I was letting myself have a little more sugar before we were sheltering at home, but now all bets are off. That said, I have been using the Noom app to help me lose weight, and I am logging everything I eat. (Except that one time a few days ago that I ate half a container of Nutella right before going to bed. I had no interest in logging “a disgusting amount of Nutella.” In my defense, I felt very sick after eating all that Nutella so I probably won’t do that again for at least two weeks.) So long story short, I am letting myself eat more refined sugar, but I am not going overboard.
3. Try 20 Paleo Recipes: Nope, still haven’t done this and now that I am using Noom, I don’t think I’ll be trying Paleo recipes anytime soon. But we are trying lots of new recipes in the Novak household these days because we have to get creative with our grocery store purchases. The selection in the meat department has been limited, so we are most definitely eating new things. (I’m looking at you, Taco-Seasoned Ground Turkey. You better be delicious.)
4. Soda Once A Week: (Take the hysterical laughter from Goal #2 and amplify that by a power of 100.) I am drinking. All. The Goddamn. Soda. And if you try to take my Diet Coke from me while I am living through a fucking pandemic, I will go all honey badger on you and have zero regrets.
5. Hot Yoga 100 Times: This remains to be seen. I was doing so well! But the Hot Yoga studio I attend is closed (as are all the exercise studios in California), so this goal will depend upon (a) when Hot Yoga is safe to do and (b) when my kids go back to school so (c) who the eff knows?
6. 11,000 Steps/Day: Ha! This is one goal that shelter-at-home is actually helping! I was only averaging 10,359/steps in my January post but now I am averaging 10,944/steps each day. Thank God we are still allowed to take walks.
7. Meditate 250 times: I’m not going to take the time to count how many times I have meditated, but I am definitely on track here. I start every morning with the Calm meditation app and so long as there is a PANDEMIC, I will be meditating my ass off.
8. Read 100 Books: I’ve already read 33 books in 2020, which according to Goodreads, puts me 11 books ahead of schedule. Interestingly, I have not been reading as much the past week because I need to watch Schitt’s Creek. Some people drink booze. I need to laugh.
9. Declutter the House: Covid-19 is definitely pushing this goal forward. I can’t spend this much time in my house and not clean up the messes. Otherwise I’d have to play make believe with my kids and that shit is just not happening.
10. 50 Blog Posts: This goal was languishing until the pandemic shit all over my mental health. Now I have discovered that blogging centers me and keeps me feeling okay (“feeling terrific” left the realm of possibility when my kids’ schools shut down). I may hit 50 posts before this shit storm is over. Oh god, I hope not.
11. Finish Rough Draft of Fantasy Novel by July 31: I might actually pull this off.
12. Knit Three Sweaters: I really just want to keep crafting but now is a damn good time to work through my yarn stash. Assuming I have the right yarn to make a sweater??
13. Do My Enneagram by March 31: I need to rename this goal “learn about the enneagram.” I have indeed read about the enneagram, and I think I know my type. I need to write more about this in another post but suffice to say, I am a bit obsessed with the enneagram and eager to learn more. This goal gets a big fat ACCOMPLISHED!
14. Try Reiki: When the pandemic is over. I don’t think Reiki works with social distancing. I’m sure there are folks willing to do Reiki over video conference but I want the full experience.
15. 20 Creative Bug Classes: I still want to do this and now is the time. Pippa and I have been doing the Mo Willem’s art lessons on YouTube (the man is a national treasure), and I think we’d enjoy doing these classes together as well.
16. Daily French on Duolingo: Yup. Love this app. Love learning French. I should write something in French now to show off but I’m feeling too lazy to do that. Okay, fine, I’ll write something: cheval. Happy?
17. Learn World Geography: I am still playing with the same app to learn geography and I now know where places like Yemen and Suriname are.
18. Learn Human Anatomy: Eventually.
19. Memorize Periodic Table of Elements: Who am I kidding?
20. Memorize U.S. Presidents: I’m making progress here.
21. Photo Albums: Pandemic seems like a good time to finish my backlog of Shutterfly photo albums, eh? I actually worked on the 2019 album today while Pippa did her math. (Don’t get excited. I’m starting with 2019 and then I need to work backwards in time and tackle the 2018, 2017, and 2016 albums.)
22. Promote My Memoir: Pandemic does NOT seem like a good time to promote a memoir about anxiety, depression, and OCD, eh? Folks, do not read my book right now! It’s about mental illness! Read something light and hilarious and save my memoir for post-pandemic, thank you very much.
23. Visit 20 New To Me Places: Pandemic has completely fucked this goal in the ass. Thanks, Covid-19!
24. Listen to 20 New to Me Podcasts: On the other hand, the pandemic definitely has me listening to more podcasts.

Whew. That was cathartic but exhausting. Thank goodness Nathan is making dinner tonight.

I want to write something thoughtful and meaningful, but all I can think is: Blerg blerg blerg.

Also: this sucks.

And: what the fucking fuck?

I am trying to find some balance. Pre-Covid-19 Shit Storm Extraordinaire, I scoffed at that word. Balance? There’s no such thing! Balance is just the word that the patriarchy uses to keep women frantically running about, trying to juggle a career, kids, and dynamite sex life while also having several Pinterest-worthy hobbies and amazing hair.

But now, as I keep trying to adjust to these Strange AF Times, I find the word “balance” creeping into my mental lexicon. But I’m not preoccupied with work/life balance. I am trying to find the balance between “having an upbeat mindset” and “letting my shitty feelings run loose.” And so far, I have no idea what the balance between Feelings and Mindset looks like for me during a fucking pandemic.

(But I do know this: when I am sheltering at home, it does help to do All the Swearing. I can’t do this in front of the kids, so I find myself swearing right here, in conversations with Nathan, and also during my telephone calls with my 94 year old grandma who, god bless, laughs whenever I drop an F-bomb.)

For nearly seven years, ever since I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, I have been working to become a healthier, happier person. (I don’t mean to shit over my pre-PPD self. I love that lady! But I was anxious and not living my most authentic life.) During all my work, I have learned a couple of big things:

1. I have to feel my feelings, even (and especially) the feelings that feel crappy. I have to honor my feelings and listen to their messages and lessons. Otherwise, my feelings get buried and loiter in my subconscious where they fester and turn toxic and malignant; and then I eat all the food; feel gross; eat more food; feel lonely, isolated, etc.; until I finally wave the white flag and feel the feelings (at therapy or while writing in my journal) and then hallelujah, I can move on. Long story short: I might as well feel the feelings as they happen. It’s less fattening.
2. There are a lot of uncertainties in life. I can’t control the weather, or the asshole who cuts me off on the freeway, or the crowds at Target, and I sure as hell cannot control the ongoing pandemic. The only thing I can control is my mindset. My mindset is not something I can describe in a single blog post, but I feel like my best self when I remember: surrender to the flow of life; the obstacle is the way; and life is my ashram.

Pre-pandemic, I was getting pretty good at feeling my feelings while keeping a mindset that embraced the abundance of magic, love and divinity in the world. I could experience my less-than-jolly feelings without getting sucked into a blackhole of despair. In fact, I rather enjoyed experiencing my crap feelings because afterwards, I felt lighter and happier.

But right now? Holy shit, I just don’t know.

Yesterday I felt pretty good. The day before yesterday I also felt pretty good and, dare I say it, a little zen. But today I feel like breaking a bunch of shit and screaming obscenities and then eating all the chocolate in Pasadena. In other words, my feelings (fuck! shit! piss! and corruption!) are completely at war with my thoughts (chill, baby, chill; this is not so bad compared to World War II, am I right?)

Honestly, I want to let my thoughts take over. My thoughts are pretty upbeat and charming. But if I let my mindset take charge, then my feelings will get denied, and I might eat all the Girl Scout cookies (and we have a lot of Girl Scout cookies).

I suppose I have to get comfortable with not knowing how the hell I am supposed to do this whole shelter-at-home shit show. Also, having felt like brittle and prickly for several hours today, I’ll probably feel like sunshine tomorrow morning.

And I know I am not alone in this. Everyone in California is sheltering at home. (Or, at least that’s what they are supposed to be doing!) Plenty of other states have issued shelter at home orders. Then there’s Italy and China. So many millions and millions and millions of people are affected by Covid-19, and all of us are having feelings. We are dealing (or not dealing) with those feelings in different ways, but as humans, we are all most certainly having an emotional experience alongside the pandemic.

Wow. Having written that, I actually feel a bit better. I am not alone, and once I have let the latest batch of shitty feelings run their course, I’ll be able to feel a little less peeved and I might even get excited about tomorrow’s Pinterest projects.

Spoiler alert: I’m thinking homemade playdough.

A couple of days ago, I blogged about the schedule that worked for us on Day 4 (I think? time is getting hazy) of social distancing.

Well, shocking news, but that schedule did not work for us yesterday and it sure as hell is not working for us today.

This truly is a day-by-day experience. More than ever, my kids need me and I need to take care of myself. For us, this means I have to be flexible, that I have to be flexible. When my kids are busy playing or watching t.v., I grab the opportunity to meet my self-care needs. But when they need me, I focus my attention on them and give them the love they need to get through these Strange AF Times.

Pre-pandemic, weekday schedules kept us sane. But right now, we need flexibility. I’m sure lots of people need their routines and schedules. And if that is what works for you, then please, keep those routines and schedules going. We are just doing what works for us, one day at a time. For all I know, as I embrace flexibility today, a schedule that actually works might emerge on Monday. Who the bleep knows?

But all that said, some basic routines are keeping us sane. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, remembering to eat at the usual time – those routines give our days a helpful rhythm. I just can’t force my kids to take nature walks at a certain time every day, or do art at a designated hour, or do any of the things I imagine should be happening at the hour that seems ideal. In fact, I really have to release the word “should” as much as possible. I keep thinking that we “should” do math or we “should” practice writing, but really, those things can go on the back burner as we navigate these surreal days.

New math will be waiting for us on the other side of the pandemic.

These are strange waters that we are navigating, and my daily routines have been ripped away. I am still figuring out what does and does not work in this new school-less world. After a few days of experimentation, this is what worked today:

• I woke up around 6:30 a.m. and did a meditation with the Calm App in bed. Then I practiced French on the Duolingo App. A little before 7 a.m., I emerged from my bedroom.
• I weighed myself. I have been doing the weight loss program with Noom and I am supposed to weigh myself every morning when I wake up. I like that I am keeping in touch with the way I eat and exercise because shit, I already gained enough weight last year when Julian’s preschool was closed from asbestos contamination.
• I did a half hour of journaling while Pippa watched Netflix. Usually, the kids are not allowed to watch t.v. in the morning. Well, we left “usually” on Friday when Pasadena announced school closures. So now we are doing what works, and I have discovered that I am a much better human if I can start my day with journaling. If that means the kids start their day with t.v., so be it.
• I got dressed and had a smoothie for breakfast.
• I took a walk! Since Nathan is working from home (his office is closed during all this craziness), I can still take my walk.
• Then I went to the grocery store. This is not my daily routine, but I wanted to get produce today.
• After the grocery store, at about 11 a.m., I went into Mom Mode. This included: reading books, writing letters, play dough, a Google Hangout with Pippa’s first grade class, doing preschool worksheets with Julian, and various other amusements. (Pippa did math with Nathan. That’s his job, and he is very good at it.)
• When the kids were busy playing, I did an episode of Classical Stretch.
• I stayed in Mom Mode until about 5:30 when Nathan emerged from the master bedroom which has become his makeshift office. (We actually have a desk but the internet is weak in that room, alas. He is making do with the pink glider I used to rock our babies to sleep, but maybe we will relocate the desk if this insanity continues much longer…)
• And now I am in the master bedroom, writing this blog post.
• Next I’ll work on my fantasy novel for about 45 minutes.
• Then we’ll have dinner.
• Put the kids to bed.
• Watch Survivor.
• And I’ll read in bed… fall asleep … wake up with the book on my face … put said book on the nightstand… and go back to sleep, properly this time.

This schedule might work tomorrow.

Then again, who the hell knows? I have been working at becoming more flexible, and it looks like the new “safer at home” policy in Pasadena is going to accelerate my work in that arena.