I assumed I knew what my values were, but when the subject came up in therapy recently, I froze. Values? Huh. What the bleep are my values?

For the next few days, I thought, Oh fuck, I’m forty years old and I don’t know what my values are. Sure, I can rattle off a few big important words like “love” and “joy” but seriously, what the eff are my values???

I started journaling about my values, convinced it would take me years to sort this out. But after a month of work, I am feeling better. I have a better understanding of what my values actually are. Or, more accurately, I subconsciously knew what many of my values were, but I had not yet taken the time to think and classify them as such. It feels good to have done that work.

In no particular order, here is my current list of values:

1. Being healthy and fit. For me, “being healthy” includes physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual health.
2. Paying attention and being curious.
3. Living my life consciously and intentionally.
4. Being authentic.
5. Answering my inner divine call.
6. Doing the work! By “work,” I mean the work that I must do in order to be my best self.
7. Doing my best, whatever that means at any given moment.
8. Being compassionate and merciful with others and myself.
9. Going slow and with the flow. (Though I am still figuring out when I want to go with the flow, and when I need to be conscious and intentional about directing the flow of my life.)
10. Being connected to others.
11. Embracing change and uncertainty.
12. Being impeccable with my word.

I do not think these are all of my values. Now that I am curious about my values (see Value #2), I expect I’ll keep adding values to the list. Also, as I accumulate life experiences, I’ll have more wisdom to draw upon, and that wisdom will shed further light on what I do and do not value.

I am also far from living my values my perfectly. (Value #1, ahem, needs considerable work.) But now that I have a better handle on my values, I have noticed in my journaling that when I feel uncomfortable, it is often because my actions are not in line with my values. Hopefully by knowing my values, I can get better at consciously and intentionally (Value #3!) living in line with them.

But always, I try to remember Value #8: being compassionate and merciful with others and myself. I am going to make mistakes. Lots and lots of messy mistakes. When I make a mistake and life in discord with my values, I hope I can be compassionate and merciful with myself, take a deep breath, and keep trying to do my best (Value #7).