I started taking Zoloft in late July 2013 when I was first diagnosed with postpartum depression. It was a life saver. Four months postpartum, I was in a deep pit of despair. I needed Zoloft to give me my physiology a jumpstart so that I could build some momentum and claw my way out of depression.

I kept taking Zoloft until February 2015 when I learned I was pregnant with my son Julian. My psychiatrist at the time decided I should be on a different medication during pregnancy. (I have since read Pregnant on Prozac and feel like it would have been better to keep me on Zoloft during pregnancy but that’s not what I’m writing about today.) So I stayed off Zoloft during pregnancy but started taking it again about three days after giving birth to Julian in early November 2015.

I stayed on Zoloft for about a year and then started my long journey of weaning off Zoloft. Man, that was an adventure. It took about a year. I have now been officially off Zoloft for not quite fourteen months. Woot woot!

And man, I have learned a lot about myself since getting off Zoloft.

My first menstrual cycle after weaning off Zoloft was awful. I felt deranged. My mood swings were intense, my insomnia was intense. Apparently Zoloft had been keeping my PMS in check.

And before Zoloft? Before I had kids? Honestly, I don’t remember. Maybe I had bad PMS but it wasn’t an issue because I could give myself all the love and attention I needed. I could sleep in, exercise more, get a massage… Or maybe I’ve just gotten older and my body is now more deeply affected by my hormonal fluctuations. I don’t know. But I do know this: off Zoloft, my PMS was brutal.

That prompted me to get curious and pay attention to the way I was living my life. If I needed to take Zoloft to manage my PMS: okay. But if I could make other changes, stay off Zoloft, and still manage my PMS: better. Much, much better. I don’t want to take medications unless I actually need to take the medications.

Over the past year, I have been experimenting with my diet. Through trial and error, I learned that if I eat refined sugar, I experienced wicked PMS; if I abstain from cookies and ice cream, my PMS is minimal. I might get a little grumpy and feel a blip of PMS, but it’s completely manageable.

Giving up refined sugar has helped me lose weight. And I’m not talking about a few pounds here, folks. Since January 2018, I’m down 43 pounds! I have 57 more to lose, but let’s focus on the positive: I’m down 43 pounds! That’s a ton of weight. That’s a major improvement in my health. I have been struggling to lose weight for years. I thought I just needed better will power or the right diet, but actually, I needed to experience the pain of vile PMS.

So that brings me to the trouble with Zoloft. Zoloft gave me the boost I needed to start my recovery from postpartum depression. It kept me out of the darkness of a second round of depression when I had my second baby. But Zoloft also smoothed away the PMS; so I did not feel forced to examine my life; and I did not realize the connection between sugar and my moods.

Zoloft did so many good, amazing things for me. It literally saved my life. But in saving my life, it also made my life easier. I did not have to think about increasing my exercise or changing my diet because hey, Zoloft made everything feel okay.

I’m glad Zoloft was there to yank me out of depression, but now I’m grateful to be living Zoloft-free. I experience all my feelings and mood swings, and my feelings and mood swings have prompted me to make some of the most dramatic changes to my lifestyle.

Zoloft saved my life. But getting off Zoloft has helped me live the best life I possibly can.