Another year, another project! Instead of resolutions, I like to concoct lists of projects that I hope to complete during the new year. I got this idea from one of my favorite podcasts, Happier With Gretchen Rubin, and I’ve been doing it since 2022. I need to do a recap soon of my 23 in ’23, but I wanted to post my 24 in ’24 before we get too deep into 2024. Without further ado:

1. No soda or caffeine. I broke up with caffeine (for about the millionth time) last summer, but I continued drinking caffeine-free diet soda, and ugh, I’m sick of that habit. I want to see how healthy I feel without diet soda.
2. Take an introductory class at a rock climbing gym.
3. Read 100 books. Bonus points: read at least 25 books for Project Read Around the World.
4. Attend 100 hot yoga classes. This includes the hot pilates classes offered at my studio if I decide to expand my repertoire. Also, my studio offers streaming classes that were recorded during the Covid shutdowns, and if I take those classes outside in the heat while traveling, I’ll count those to my goal.
5. Write the rough draft of my third novel. This can be either the third book in The Motherhood Circus series or a children’s chapter book. Stay tuned!
6. Paint a room in our house. Or the front door. Or a mural on the bleak bare wall that’s out back by our lemon tree. Point is: paint something at home.
7. Try 24 new recipes. My goal was to try 23 recipes in 2023 and that didn’t happen, but I’d like to give this another go.
8. Record an audiobook. This is a longterm career goal. Hopefully putting it on this list will motivate me to take the time to learn how to record an audiobook and then invest the time in that project.
9. Get 52 mega nature doses. Taking a neighborhood walk does not count. Things that do count: hikes; beach days; walks through botanical gardens; anything that gets me out of City Mode and into the healing presence of Mother Nature.
10. Make a five year plan. Seems like the time to do this is ripe because I’m turning 45 tomorrow, and holy shit, in five years I will turn FIFTY.
11. Complete 24 craft projects. This is another do-ever from 2023. I didn’t finish 23 craft projects last year, but I had fun trying. Let’s see what happens this year.
12. Help the kids prepare a family meal once a month. Each kid gets to pick a recipe and prepare it for dinner or breakfast.
13. Plan a family trip to the Grand Canyon. I’ve learned that the best months to visit are March-May and that hotels can get booked a year in advance, so I want to do the research now so I can make it happen in 2025.
14. Get 24 minutes of fresh air every day. Last year, Gretchen Rubin challenged her community of podcast listeners to get 23 minutes of fresh air, and I really liked that idea, but I never got momentum on it. (Probably because my dad was in the ICU for 10 days in February.) I’d like to do it this year, and so far, it’s been a helpful reminder to get my butt outside. Fresh air feeds the soul.
15. Tap dance 20 times. I think this was on my list in 2022? I always imagine myself tap dancing. Damnit, let’s make it happen.
16. Walk an average of 10,000 steps/day. On days that I practice hot yoga, I typically get 7000-8000 steps. This goal has been motivating me to walk extra to make up the deficit on hot yoga days.
17. Record 25 podcast episodes.
18. Create a TikTok 100 weekdays in a row (though if I actually make a weekend TikTok, that will count toward the streak)
19. Visit the Gamble House.
20. Take monthly family portraits.
21. Learn how to make balloon animals.
22. Visit The Broad.
23. Track time spent sitting vs. time spent standing for a month.
24. Joy Tracking! Wherein I keep track of things that boost my wellness and happiness but are not part of this project (e.g. boardgames played; movies watched; new places visited)

It’s October and nearly Halloween, and this year, I’m thinking a lot about witches. People tend to think of witches as evil but I love stories that reclaim witches and allow them to be good, strong and powerful. Why must a woman who practices magic be considered evil? Is the idea of the evil witch in the woods just another tool for controlling women, keeping them in line and fitting into the patriarchy’s mold? Let’s save the witches from patriarchal stereotypes because bitches love witches.

In this episode, I discuss stories I’ve enjoyed that feature witches who break out of the stereotype of witches as evil crones. The classic wicked witch is the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz, but Gregory Maguire gives us a more complicated “heroine” in his book Wicked, and then the musical Wicked fully redeems Elphaba.

Other witchy books I’ve recently enjoyed and highly recommend:

• VenCo by Cherie Dimaline
• The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna
• Her Majesty’s Royal Coven, by Juno Dawnson
• The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow 

This week, I explore the question, Why do women love true crime? I myself listen to true crime podcasts and often wonder, Why do I love listening to these stories? And perhaps, more importantly: does my interest in true crime suggest some sort of moral deficiency on my part?

Here are the reasons I discuss on Episode 39 of Adventures With My Forties:

• Catharsis: True crime stories address our fears of what could happen and rage for what has been done. We get to tap into our feelings of suppressed rage and fear.
• The village of women coming together: Violent crimes are mostly committed against women. True crime stories allow us to shine light on this darkness and bond against the creeps and monsters.
• Empathy: Women are empathetic and connect with the victim. But also, I try to fathom how the culprit went from “an innocent baby” to a “monster who could commit such heinous crimes.”
• Collective search for justice: If we work together and share information, we can bring these monsters to justice and hopefully persuade would-be-killers that it’s too dangerous to commit these crimes. We are watching! We are not afraid to turn you in! . 
• Subliminal feeling of evading death: I don’t think this reason explains why I listen to true crime podcasts, but this might resonate with you.
• Vicarious thrill: Ditto. I prefer to get my thrills on rollercoasters, thank you very much.
• Police accountability: Do your job! Protect the victims!
• Helping police: Police have limited resources and tips solve crimes.
• Reminder to be vigilant: Sometimes you have to be rude to creepy people and defy social norms when your gut is telling you that a situation is off. Just last night, I taught this lesson to my daughter. We were leaving a Girl Scout event at 9:30 p.m. in an unincorporated neighborhood without street lights and someone was sleeping on the parkway near our car. Pippa commented that she felt bad walking away from the person, and I gave her a pep talk, telling her that our safety is more important than a stranger’s feelings. True crime podcasts remind me all the things I need to teach my daughter to navigate the world safely as a woman.

So why do I, a forty-four-year old woman, listen to true crime podcasts? Because, for all the reasons listed above, it’s empowering. Lots of people think its weird or morbid that women enjoy true crime–I wonder what those same people think about men who participate in Civil War reenactments? If it’s important to study war in history classes, then it’s also important to study violent crimes that are predominantly committed against women so we can grow stronger and reduce these crimes as much as possible. We tell these stories not for lurid entertainment but to crush conduct that is unacceptable.

Currently, my favorite true crime podcast is Crime Junkie. Recently, I’ve also enjoyed Scamanda and The Girlfriends. I have no plans to launch a true crime podcast of my own — but who knows? Crazier things have happened.

I did it! This morning, I finished revising my second novel, Once Upon An Anxious Mom. I’ve officially entered the homestretch for publication!

Here’s my plan:

• I’m on Official Writing Break for three and a half weeks.
• After my break, I’ll reread my editor’s memo and see if I missed any big revisions she suggested. (I don’t think I did, but I might understand something better when my brain is fresh.)
• I’ll format the text messages and emails in the novel.
• Then I’ll read the book out loud, slowly, and proofread as I go.
• If I like what I read, I’ll upload to Vellum and format for publication.
• Then I’ll upload my files to Amazon and order an author’s copy of the paperback. I’ll read my novel in book form and seek out any proofreading buggers I missed.
• And that’s it! I’ll publish!

It feels so good to be on writing break after pouring myself into revisions. So what am I going to do for the next three and a half weeks?

Obviously, I won’t write. That part of my brain needs to rest and recharge. I will, however, write in my journal because that is more of a mental health practice than a writing exercise (and if I stopped journaling for three+ weeks, I’d go bat shit). I will probably also blog, because that organizes my thoughts and helps me relax. Like journaling, blogging uses a different part of my brain than “the serious pretentious business of novel writing.” (I’m making fun of myself there, if that’s not abundantly clear. I honestly don’t know if my self-deprecating humor is coming through because my brain is tired!)

I’ll let my brain rest and recharge by doing things that don’t use my Novel Writing Brain Cells. These are my schemes and ambitions:

• Declutter, Deep Clean the House and Garden. If I only do one thing during the next three+ weeks, let it be this. Spoiler alert: if I blog, it will be about my work to reclaim the house.
• Enjoy Time With Family and Friends. It’s October! Halloween is coming, and Julian’s birthday is November 2. Tomorrow, I’m taking the kids to Universal Studios. On November 2, we are surprising the kids with a trip to California Adventure. Then we have the school carnival, Girl Scout pumpkin patch, trick-or-treating, etc. etc. WE ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN DAMNIT!
• Prep For The Holidays and Julian’s Birthday Party. Order party supplies and decorations. Get birthday and Christmas gifts. Maybe design a Christmas card? I’ll make a Holiday Plan Of Attack next week and see what I can get done early so I can soak up the holidays with my family and friends.
• Record A Few Podcast Episodes. If the spirit moves me.
• Get yarn and start crocheting Christmas stockings for the kids.
• Learn how to use Midjourney. Work on designing the cover for Once Upon An Anxious Mom. See if AI helps.
• Bake. Bread. Cookies. Cake. Repeat.
• Paint. Maybe something abstract in a sketch book. Or maybe the kitchen chairs. This isn’t a priority. Decluttering and deep cleaning is.

If I finish decluttering and deep cleaning, I will take myself on an artist date or two. See a movie. But if that doesn’t happen, I’ll save those activities for the next writing break.

I am nearly done revising my second novel, Once Upon An Anxious Mom, and now my baby needs a cover. This will be my fourth published book, and I feel comfortable designing my cover.

For my first book, Adventures With Postpartum Depression, I hired a cover designer on Reedsy. This was 2018, and I paid $805 for this design:

I love this cover! It perfectly expresses the vibe of my memoir, and it was totally worth the expense. At the time, I had a two-year-old and five-year-old and lacked the bandwidth to attempt my own design.

But for my second book, The Distance Learning Activity Book For Parents Just Barely Holding On To Their Last Shred of Sanity, I didn’t want to spend $805 for a cover. I played around on Canva and posted my designs on Facebook; hated everything; tried again but this time only sent my designs to a trusted friend; and hit upon the winner.

I love this cover! And it was free, except for the cost of my monthly subscription to Canva Pro. (And really, I could have designed the cover without Canva Pro, but I used the premium subscription to create the book’s content.)

For my first novel, Confessions of an Imposter Room Mom, I debated whether I would hire a cover designer through Reedsy or use Canva to design something myself. Ultimately, I decided I didn’t want to shell out big bucks for a cover until I’ve published several books in my series. Then, I can hire a professional to design covers for the entire series in one swoop for a cohesive look.

But I didn’t trust myself to design a novel’s cover! So I compromised and hired someone on Fiverr. I paid someone about $25 and three days later, I had several shitty designs. Lesson learned. You get what you pay for, and $25 gets about five minutes attention from a book cover designer.

I returned to Canva and with the advice of my one trusted friend, I designed my own cover again.

And you know what? I love it! It completely captures the feeling of that novel and it’s good enough for now.

Now it’s nearly time to publish the second book in that series, so I’m rolling up my sleeves and diving back into Canva, but this time, I’m leveling up my game with AI.

That’s right. I’ll be enlisting our robot overloads to help me design a bitching cover. I might not use AI-generated images, but when I go on writing break, I plan to play around with Midjourney and hopefully create some images that I can incorporate into the cover. I’ll probably design the final product on Canva and bounce ideas off my trusted friend. Stay tuned!

1. My kids always come home with excessive amounts of homework on days they have soccer practice.
2. Both my kids want my help and it’s a real bitch flip-flopping between second grade math and fifth grade social studies.
3. Plus they changed math.
4. How do we go through so many pencils?
5. The neighbors across the street are homeschooling, so while my kids trudge through the homework grind, the kids across the street are frolicking and laughing loudly.
6. I cannot empathize how much I hate second grade math.
7. My son’s teacher sends home a weekly packet and so help me god, there are always extra pages during a four-day week.
8. Research shows that elementary school homework has no academic benefit to kids. So that’s great.
9. Kids need downtime, not busywork.
10. I think my second grader learns more from Minecraft than he does from the shitty math worksheets created by the shitty math textbook our district uses.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been working on my “tightening up” pass, rereading every chapter closely and snipping away excessive details and commentary. I’ve reduced my novel so far by 5,223 words, with only four more chapters left for this pass.

Next week, I’ll go through the Novel Editing Workbook, which has an excellent checklist for microediting. Then, I’ll run my book through ProWriting Aid and see what suggestions it makes, paying close attention to my syntax. (My editor thinks my sentences need a little more variety.) Once I’m done with ProWriting Aid, I’ll reread the memo from my editor to make sure I didn’t miss anything big, and then I’ll take a break.

After a break of at least two weeks, I’ll reread the manuscript aloud, do some final proofreading, format, design a cover, and then phew, it’s time to publish.

This is going to take time but IT IS SO TEMPTING TO RUSH THESE FINAL STAGES OF REVISIONS. I started the first draft of this novel in July 2022 and thought I’d be done by now, but the 2022-23 school year kicked my ass and sucked up a lot of my writing time. After spending so much time in the hospital after my dad’s emergency brain surgery last February, I’m proud of myself for getting this far. Still, I’d love to publish my second novel, Once Upon An Anxious Mom, before the end of 2023.

But am I rushing myself? Or am I just cracking the whip to keep up motivation and momentum because I know there’s only so much time and energy I can invest in a novel?

if I finish my ProWriting Aid pass by October 15, I can take a break for three weeks and return to work on November 6 (after my personal motherhood Olympics of Halloween, Julian’s 8th birthday, and the school carnival). Then I can finish proofreading the manuscript by December 10 and have it published by December 15. This would be an ideal timetable, because then I can go on a nice long break for the Christmas holiday and after the kids go back to school, I can either record my first audiobook or write the first draft of my third novel.

But I don’t want to rush just for the satisfaction of hitting publish and sharing the news on social media. And I have to remember my buffer! Shit happens. The kids will get sick at some point. I’ll get sick. If I impose an artificial deadline for publishing this novel by December 15, I’ll drive myself bat shit crazy.

Yet the temptation is so strong to push through and be done.

I’m going to have to pay attention the next few months and balance my desire to FINISH THIS BOOK ALREADY with the realities of motherhood. As eager as I am to be done, I don’t want to publish a book that I’d only give a B+.

This blog post is a big dump of all the things currently working for me in the wellness department:

50 Mg Zoloft: Every morning. I am paying attention to my PMS and might chat with my psychiatrist about increasing my Zoloft toward the end of my cycle.

30 Mg of Mirtazipane: At bedtime

Morning Supplements: Vitamin D, Vitamin B, and Fish Oil (and I need to get better about taking my Vitamin B. I have a “genetic mutation” that decreases my brain’s ability to process Vitamin B, so I should be taking my vitamin B also after lunch and dinner.)

Evening Supplement: Calm. I mix a half teaspoon of the powder with a little hot water and drink it before bedtime.

Weaning off Caffeine: I’m down to 32 ounces of Coke Zero in the morning. This is a huge reduction from where I was two months ago. I’m reducing slowly, one ounce every day or two, to avoid the crankiness of caffeine withdrawal.

Very Little Refined Sugar: Basically, sugar fucks with me. When I told a friend that I’ve basically given up refined sugar, she said I have tremendous willpower. I don’t. I just know how lousy it makes me feel, and I don’t like the sugar hangover or sugar insomnia.

Almost Zero Alcohol: I have never been a big drinker. These days, if I drink, it’s wine, probably white, and I can go weeks or even months between a glass. Alcohol makes me sleepy but also interferes with my sleep, so as much as I love a good glass of wine, the effects are too rough for me.

Hot Yoga: 2-3x a week.

Tennis lessons: Once a week, and so much fun. It’s great cardio.

Walking: I aim for 12,000 steps on the days I don’t do hot yoga.

Journaling: Almost every morning. Occasionally I skip on the weekend.

Tracking: I’m using the Lose It app to track what I eat. Not always. But often enough so I eat consciously and intentionally.

Crochet and Cross Stitch: One or both, every day.

Blogging: Yep! Blogging counts as a self-care tool if it boosts your overall wellness.

A monthly massage: I’m so privileged to have the time and money to do this. In fact, I’m getting a massage in one hour!

And a monthly facial: I get my massages and facials at Massage Envy, but damn, gas and food are so expensive. I might switch to a bimonthly or quarterly facial.

Slowing Down and Volunteering Less: No PTA. No room mom’ing. No AYSO coaching. It’s sublime.

Duolingo: Motherhood can be slow and boring. Where’s the intellectual challenge in chauffeuring your kids to school and activities? Learning French keeps my neurons firing!

Revising a novel: I’m a writer, so if I don’t write, I feel bat shit crazy.

Cleaning our house: There’s something very satisfying about cleaning a room.

Decluttering: Slowly but surely, I’m reclaiming our house.

Fresh air and time in nature: Of vital importance to my soul.

Reading: I’m a bookworm! I was reading a lot more audiobooks than actual book-books, but recently, I’ve been taking the time to read, and only read, in the late afternoon or evening. Audiobooks are great, but I feel compelled to do chores and clean when I’m listening to one. Sitting with a book is so relaxing.

Bullet Journaling: My weekly bullet journal spread keeps me sane and organized.

I’m sure I’ll think of ten more things to add to this list as soon as I hit publish, but this is enough for now!

In mid-July, I challenged myself to write fifty weekday blog posts in a row to see what happened. I wrote the first post on July 18, 2023. Now it’s September 26, and I’m writing my fiftieth weekday blog post in a row – woot woot! I did it!

So what next?

First, I few observations about the past fifty blog posts:

• It’s much easier to do something every day than occasionally. At the beginning of the year, I challenged myself to write 23 blog posts in ’23. Between January 1 and July 17, I wrote FIVE measly posts, and it felt like a struggle to write that many. Now I’ve written fifty-five posts, and the last fifty felt easy.
• When I do something every day, I build MOMENTUM and it takes less energy to get started. But when I only write a blog post every month or two, it takes a lot of mental effort to sign into my website, think of an idea, etc.
• I like blogging!
• It doesn’t really matter to me if anyone is reading this blog or not. This is a practice that I do for myself.

Going forward, I’d like to continue blogging every weekday–so long as it works for me. If it starts to feel boring or stressful, I’ll take a sabbatical (maybe forever!) But right now, I’m enjoying this practice and it’s fun to see what topics my muse gravitates toward for posts.

This blog and website is a tool for me to get really comfortable with being my authentic self. Yesterday, I added a page for Bucket Lists. I thought about that for a loooooong time. I wanted to add the Bucket Lists page, but felt self-conscious about putting my schemes and dreams out into the world for anyone to read. Now the page is started, and I feel like I can really dig into my love of projects and lists and see where it takes me.

I have a lot of ideas for regular posts:

• A monthly roundup of books I’ve read
• Updates on my upcoming novel
• Progress on my 23 in ’23 projects
• More bucket lists (sooo many bucket lists)

But I’m still figuring this out! After blogging for fifty days in a row, I thought I’d be out of ideas, but no, the more I blog, the more ideas I have for future posts.

I’m also contemplating tackling something else for 50 days in a row. Maybe 50 days of TikTok videos or Instagram posts? But I don’t want to stretch myself too thin on the creative front. And having finished 50 days of weekday blog posts, I’m going to take at least a few days to enjoy the achievement before I jump into the next one.

It’s 2023 and I’m 44 years old. Yes, I’m a little late to the blogging game, but who cares? I’m learning to trust my muse, and right now, she wants me to keep on blogging.