The holidays are coming and spoiler alert: they are going to look a lot different this year, at least here in Pasadena, thanks to the pandemic.

For Thanksgiving, we are changing things up. Our gathering will be much smaller than usual. Instead of having full access to my parents’ kitchen, I’ll do all my cooking and baking at home, mostly the day before. Instead of eating at 5ish, we will eat outdoors at 1ish. Instead of making the turkey, my parents are ordering a bird from Honey Baked Ham.

And this is the just the current plan!

After I recorded this episode, I learned that Los Angeles County might go into another lockdown on Sunday. Fun times! I don’t know what that means for Thanksgiving. When I learned about the next potential lockdown (I am forcing myself to say “potential” although it feels “imminent”), I felt a ton of panic. Will there be another run on the grocery stores? Will I be able to get the ingredients I need for sweet potato casserole? But after the initial panic, I remembered Thanksgiving is a celebration of gratitude and if we can’t get turkey, we can be grateful for pizza.

The turkey is never even that exciting.

Though the prospect of another shutdown right before Thanksgiving still suuuuucks sooooo muuuuuuch.

Going forward, I am going to try to enjoy the 2020 holiday season as much as possible. With that in mind, these are a few principles I’m trying to follow (though I will surely forget and have to hit my personal reboot button again and again and again):

– Allow my feelings without wallowing in the negative ones.

– Embrace the adventure while mourning the losses. I already know that we won’t be celebrating Christmas Eve with my extended family. I am going to miss my Aunt Berta’s lasagna! And my family! So much! But we will figure out ways to be joyful without the lasagna. (The lasagna is the stuff of family legend.)

– Keep meditating, journaling, exercising and doing as many of the things that boost my mental health. These days, my mental health needs all the help it can get.

– If social media starts to feel like too much, I’ll take a social media fast for as long as I want. I’m pretty sure Instagram will survive without me!

On the bright side, shutdown or no shutdown, whatever happens with Thanksgiving, THERE IS NO SCHOOL NEXT WEEK. That means: A WHOLE WEEK VACATION FROM DISTANCE LEARNING! FUCK YEAH! That alone is cause for celebration.

In this episode, I revisited the topic of distance learning because hello, it’s 2020 and starting to feel like my second grader will never go back to “normal” school. I was in a 2020 rut at the beginning of October and feeling broken by distance learning. It is so time consuming! And aggravating! But then, my muse gave me an idea: I needed to stop working on my fantasy series and work on a new book called The Distance Learning Activity Book For Parents Just Barely Holding On To Their Last Shred Of Sanity. Writing and publishing that book restored my spirits – but damn, distance learning is still tough. Hence, this episode, in which I share about my struggles and the things that are helping me keep my last shred of sanity. 

I first talked about distance learning during Episode 4, Distance Learning and Mental Health. A few weeks ago, I actually listened to that episode and it was like getting a pep talk from myself. I almost never listen to my podcast episodes. It’s weird to hear my recorded voice! But I’m glad I listened to Episode 4, and if you are in distance learning hell, I highly recommend it. (Is it weird to recommend my own podcast? Because I just did.)

As of now, my son is going to preschool in person and my daughter is doing second grade remotely. Our district has announced that the kids will not be returning to in-person instruction before January 11, 2021. There’s no guarantee they will even return then so for now, the adventure continues.

These are some thoughts I have about distance learning.

1. It is hard because it is hard. I have to remind myself of that constantly. This has become our new normal and we have routines and habits and since we have been doing this for months, it feels like it should not be difficult. Why do I constantly feel like I have so little time to myself? Why do I feel drained and frustrated. Then I remember. This. Is. So. Fucking. Hard.
2. Paying attention and being curious about my feelings helps. My knee jerk reaction is to stuff down difficult feelings (usually with food) but when I catch myself having feelings that I perceive as difficult, I try to pay attention and understand the feelings. What are my feelings trying to tell me? What are they asking me to do? My feelings have helped me realize when I am on the verge of burnout and just need to spend a day lying down and reading a book. They also help me realize when we need a mental health day.
3. It is validating for me to know that other people are struggling.
4. When I’m in the middle of an emotional storm, I avoid sending emails and texts to people outside my inner circle.
5. I have had to shift gears. 2020 is not going the way I expected. I was going to revise my first fantasy novel but it’s just too tough for me right now. So I made The Distance Learning Activity Book For Parents Just Barely Holding On To Their Last Shred Of Sanity. Now I am writing the first draft of a book about a preschool room mom that is fun and playful.

Recording this podcast episode was very helpful for me. I need, again and again, to acknowledge how shitty distance learning. But now, I am ready to embrace a little more enthusiasm and grit for the adventures ahead. Distance Learning suuuuucks sooooo muuuuch but I am going to find ways to have fun and make the most of this experience. Stay tuned!