It is early July 2020 and here in Pasadena, we still have no idea what the 2020-2021 school year will be like. Hybrid? Distance learning? When will our kids go back to school full time??

This uncertainty was driving me crazy, but something I recently read in Loving What Is by Byron Katie has helped me accept the mystery of the coming school year. If you are not familiar with Byron Katie, she teaches that when we have thoughts that cause us discomfort or stress, we should ask ourselves four questions about the thought:

(1) Is it true?

(2) Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

(3) How do I react when I believe that thought?

(4) And finally, who would I be without that thought?

Byron Katie calls this process “The Work” and explains it all for free on her website, thework.com. She also has a podcast, The Work of Byron Katie. I have listened to a few episodes and they were very helpful. But if you are book person like me, I suggest starting with Loving What Is.

Katie does a lot of in-person events where she walks audience members through The Work. (Now she is doing Zoom gatherings.) The book Loving What Is includes transcripts of many of these dialogues. One of the dialogues concerns a woman’s fears about terrorism in New York City after 9/11. As I read that dialogue, I immediately thought about the Covid-19 pandemic and distance learning.

Emily, the woman doing this dialogue, is angry at her family because they are not helping her make a contingency plan in case the terrorism gets worse. (This dialogue took place only a week or two after 9/11). Katie guides Emily through the four questions about Emily’s desire for a contingency plan. As they talk, Emily realizes the futility of making a contingency plan because there are too many variables to predict. Katie observes:

To make a contingency plan work, from what I’ve seen of reality, you need to be psychic, so you can know ahead of time when to evacuate and where to go that would be safe.

Loving What Is, pg. 280.

I felt such a release of tension as I read that line.

The 2020-21 school year is a Big Fat Question Mark. I feel like I should be making contingency plans in case we are back to distance learning full time. Should I be learning about home schooling? Should I be figuring out different activities the kids to do to be social? Maybe tennis? (For some reason, I keep thinking about tennis lessons! As if that’s the solution to the pandemic.)

But in order to make a contingency plan for the 2020-2021 school year, I would need to be psychic. I would have to know how the virus is going to proceed in Los Angeles County. What the teacher unions will want to do. What the online distance learning will be like. etc. etc. etc. Oh my goodness, so many etceteras!

Last time I checked, I’m not psychic. If I really want to plan for the coming school year, I’d need at least a dozen plans. And even if I thought I had a handle on all the variables and had concocted all the plans for all the scenarios, reality could come up with something I never imagined.

Like the Covid-19 pandemic.

Here is something else that Katie says about contingency plans:

When you run in fear, it’s square into the wall. Then you look back at where you were, and you see that it was much safer. And without a contingency plan, when something happens, it just comes to you what to do. You can find everything you need right where you are. And in reality, you already live that. When you need a pen, you reach over and take it. If there’s not a pen there, you go get one. And that’s what it’s like in an emergency. Without fear, what to do is just as clear as reaching and picking up a pen.

Loving What Is, pg. 282.

This sounded crazy to me at first, but the more I reflect on it, the more it resonates with me. I have so far figured out what we need to do to stay healthy and sane during the pandemic as the various twists and turns come to us. I will keep doing that as needed. I do not need to figure out the 2020-21 school year when everything is in crazy flux. I’ll just figure it out bit by bit.

Embracing this sort of mindset does not mean I am just skipping along merrily, oblivious to the fact that the 2020-2021 might be slightly (completely) unorthodox. It just means I am releasing my fears and other negative feelings about it. It means I am letting myself get comfortable with the uncertainty. And then:

[W]ithout the fearful story ‘I need a contingency plan,’ various good moves might come to you: a place to meet up with your husband in case the phones don’t work. Learning to drive might be useful as your kids get past the toddler stage, keeping a few maps and some other things handy in the car. Who knows what a calm mind will come up with?

Loving What Is, pg. 289

Ah ha! Without the fearful thought “I need a contingency plan for distance learning,” I have a calmer and happier mind. Then I am in a frame of mind where good ideas can occur to me organically.

Maybe that is why I keep thinking about tennis lessons…