I went to IKEA today to get an art table for the kids. Our closest IKEA only recently reopened from the Covid-19 shutdown, so I assumed there would be a line to get inside. I packed my headphones along with my face mask so I could listen to an audiobook while I waited to get into my favorite Swedish establishment.

I knew I was in trouble when I could see the line from the freeway. Still, I really wanted to get the art table. (That’s another story!) And once I stepped into the line, I figured it would take fifteen minutes max to get into the mega store. Social distancing really spreads out lines and makes them look a lot longer than they actually are.

It took fifty-six minutes for me to get into IKEA.

But do you want to hear the really crazy thing? I stayed calm the entire time I was in the line.

I used to be the sort of person who lost all of her shits in traffic jams, even traffic jams that were expected (for example: my old commute, every single morning; there was always traffic; and I always lost all my shits). Once, when I was twenty and my sister was ten, we went to Universal Studios and there was construction, so we got funneled on to a freeway going in the wrong direction. I flipped and started shouting obscenities and pounding the palm of my hand against the steering wheel. I recently talked about this experience with my sister and she confirmed that yes, I completely and utterly lost my mind over a minor delay.

I used to take every annoyance and inconvenience personally, gathering those moments as proof that I was a victim of a cruel world that was out to make me as miserable as possible.

A customer holding up the line at the bank or post office? Outrage! Torture! Fuck this shit!

The car ahead of me driving too slowly on the freeway? Abomination! Indignation! Fuck this shit!

The restaurant forgot to put croutons on my takeout salad? WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK SO MUCH? FUCK THIS SHIT!

It was not a very happy way of living.

But today, as I waited in a fifty-six minute line to get into a store that had been closed for nearly three months, I caught myself gazing out at the freeway, admiring the mountains, and thinking, How beautiful this moment is.

This is not exactly the sort of photograph you find on a postcard, but I felt so calm and serene, I had to take a picture. The 20 year old who pounded her steering wheel over a five minute traffic delay is now a 41 year old woman who can calmly wait in a fifty-six minute line to get into IKEA.

The only thing that has changed? My mindset.

And how has that changed?

Well, I have started to embrace the idea of Enough. I have enough, and I am enough. I do not have to chase after some future version of myself in order to be happy and content. Everything I need is right here, right now. I do not need to lose weight or find the perfect lipstick before I can be happy. I’m happy right now, right here, even if here-and-now is standing in the middle of a fifty-six minute line (that does not even have the promise of a roller coaster at the end).

There are a lot of other ideas that have helped me get to a place where I can be perfectly happy to wait in a fifty-six minute line for IKEA:

• There’s The Obstacle is the Way, the book that taught me to see challenges as opportunities. Like today was an opportunity for me to experience something historic. In ten years, I’ll be telling my kids about the ridiculous line at IKEA while we enjoy Swedish meatballs in the IKEA food court.
• The Four Agreements taught me to stop taking things personally. The line? Totally beyond my control. And also: it had nothing to do with me. I chose to wait in the line, so there was no sense getting riled up about it.
• And most recently, I have been reading Loving What Is by Byron Katie and wow, I feel like I am truly getting at the root of my anxiety. Katie says there are three types of business: my business, your business, and God’s business. (God’s business being things like war, earthquakes, and oh, pandemics.) If I stray into your business or God’s business, then I just get anxious. I have been practicing this for a few weeks, catching myself whenever I stray into Your Business or God’s Business, and it’s becoming second nature. I did not even think to agonize over the IKEA line because shit, it’s just not my business.

There’s a lot more to my mindset. That’s why I am blogging. I am a writer, and I understand things by writing about them. I know if I keep blogging, I’ll start to understand myself better and I’ll be able to become a better and better version of myself.

In the meantime, I am going to look at my kids’ new IKEA art table as a sort of trophy or monument to my calmer, happier mindset. (And yeah, I let the kids decorate their chairs and table with stickers and washi tape. That’s the whole point of buying their furniture at IKEA!)

p.s. As calm as I was in line today, there is no way I am going back to IKEA this summer!

p.p.s. That’s a lie. I’m totally going back when the food court opens. Nom nom meatballs.