Sugar.

Oh, sugar.

I feel as if I could write a book of poetry dedicated to that sweet temptress and our epic, tumultuous relationship.

I have been paying attention for several years, and every time I quit sugar, I transform into a woman of radiant health. I sleep beautifully and feel my body buzzing with joyful energy. And every time I go back to sugar, I feel ragged, raw and depleted.

When I write about sugar, I mean refined sugar. I can eat all the fruit I want and still feel gloriously healthy. And when I write about refined sugar, I mean the amounts present in ice cream, cupcakes, cookies and candy. I know there is sometimes a little sugar in a pasta sauce or pizza crust, but that bit of sugar does not make me feel deranged.

I have observed, several times, how too much refined sugar unbalances my hormones and affects my sleep. Common senses suggests I should just walk away from sugar already and get my kicks with salt and fat.

The problem is, I have tried sugar abstinence several times.

And I have failed abysmally at sugar abstinence several times.

I just love sugary treats too much. And, I can have some sugary treats without any ill consequences. Total abstinence just tortures me. When I cannot have sugar, it becomes forbidden and then I think about it constantly. I become hyper-aware of every Snickers bar. My willpower might be able to resist for a few months, but then I succumb to sugar’s siren call and end up attacking ice cream with a frenzy that would disgust Augustus Gloop.

So sugar abstinence does not work for me.

I have noticed that sugar affects my sleep if I have it during the second half of my menstrual cycle. If I have too much sugar after I ovulate, I wind up with homicidal-ish PMS. That is not ideal when you are responsible for small children, so in the beginning of 2020, I decided to just have sugar two or three times during the first half of my menstrual cycle.

Then, of course, we began to shelter-at-home in March, and ice cream felt necessary. At first, I only had some every few days, but soon enough, I was having it every night with Nathan after the kids went to bed. I started having some sleep woes, but as I am wont to do, I blamed my insomnia on the weather, hormones, and stress.

When I am on a sugar bender, I am very good at blaming anything but sugar for my sleep issues.

But I am not beating myself up for eating so much sugar, I found myself struggling with insomnia. After all, there’s a pandemic and zero certainty about what the 2020-2021 school year will be like. I know I am not alone in finding comfort in a big bowl of ice cream.

But as much as I love ice cream (and I really love ice cream), I also really, really, really love a good night’s sleep.

I have never met a bowl of ice cream or slice of cake that tasted better than a good night’s sleep.

So just over a week ago, I took a deep breath and hit the reset button. I’ve been abstaining from refined sugar again, and I am sleeping like an angel. I am sleeping so deeply, and feel so glorious, I do not even miss my sugary mistress. But I am not attempting any sort of long-term, total abstinence. Been there, done that!

In fact, I am probably going to have ice cream tomorrow night.

Probably Chocolate Moose Tracks. But maybe a scoop of Mocha Almond Fudge as well…