Almost six weeks ago, I decided it was time for a Therapy Hiatus. I have done this many times with different therapists. It is how therapy seems to work best for me: for awhile, I need to go to therapy; but eventually, I need to leave and live without therapy for awhile. I figure out some things while I am in therapy; I figure out other things when I am not in therapy.

But I must admit, when I told my therapist during our early May 2020 video appointment that I was going to take an indefinite break, I felt a little insane.

Who takes a therapy break during the middle of a historic pandemic???

Well, apparently I do.

During our last session, I told my therapist that I did not know how long I would be going on break. At the time, I thought there was a very real possibility that an hour after ending therapy, I would email my therapist, Just kidding! I want another appointment! But I also thought that I might be on break for several years. Or forever. I never know how long my therapy breaks will be until I wake up one day and think, Yep, it’s time to go back to therapy.

I also never know why I need to take a therapy break until I let myself take the break. I will usually have a few hunches but mostly, my intuition says, Take a break, and I say, Okay.

Six weeks ago, when my intuition told me it was time for another therapy break, I had three hunches as to why I needed to go on break:

1. Hunch No. 1: I have been allowing myself to embrace my spiritual side more and more but I really only talked about this with my therapist. I thought that I needed to leave the comfort zone of therapy to force myself to talk about spiritual matters with more people.
2. Hunch No. 2: I have also been deepening my connection with my intuition. I thought I might need to leave therapy so I could get better at relying on my inner voice. As soon as I start asking other people to backup my intuition, I am undermining my connection with my inner voice. And since I often talk about my thought processes with my therapist, it can sometime feel like I am getting approval of my intuition.
3. Hunch No. 3: Finally, I also thought that maybe I just needed a therapy break video therapy just drains the crap out of me. It does not leave me energized the way that in-person therapy usually does.

Shortly after leaving therapy, I started reading Loving What Is by Byron Katie. On page 1, Byron writes:

You are the teacher you’ve been waiting for. You are the one who can end your own suffering.

Loving What Is, Pg. 1.

The quote hit me like a lightning bolt and I immediately thought, That is why I had to leave therapy!

I am the teacher I have been waiting for.

I am the one who can end my own suffering.

I have everything I need to live the life I want.

And that is why I am currently on an Indefinite Therapy Hiatus: to prove to myself that I am the teacher I have been waiting for.

I may go back to therapy someday. That someday may not be that far away. I don’t know. My intuition will let me know when it’s time. Therapy is a wonderful tool when I need it; but it is also wonderful when I need to set that tool aside and do my own thing for awhile.

Even in the middle of a pandemic.