Yesterday, I wrote an overview of all the things that led to my burnout during the 2022-23 school year. But what went wrong? Sure, I did a lot of volunteering, and sure, my friends and family were skeptical when I insisted I had the time for all that volunteering, but why did all that volunteering plunge me into deep soul-searching burnout?
So far, I have come up with two major reasons:
- I gave up my buffer.
- I thought I was volunteering in ways that pushed me out of my comfort zone, but actually, I was volunteering to do things that made me feel like an inauthentic version of myself.
I cannot possibly discuss all of this today (because I’m getting a facial after lunch, huzzah!), so let’s start on the buffer.
I learned about the concept of a buffer several years ago from Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit Of Less. Basically, imagine yourself driving. If you are right behind the car in front of you, and that car makes a sudden stop, there’s probably going to be a collision. But if you keep a healthy distance between vehicles, you have more time to react and brake and avoid an accident.
The same goes for life.
You have a finite amount of time and energy. If you fill your days with nonstop obligations, and then an unexpected emergency pops up, you won’t have the time or energy to deal with the unforeseen situation. And let’s face it: life is a series of unforeseen situations. (Hello, 2020.)
I forgot all this when I volunteered for PTA, AYSO, Girl Scouts, and being a room parent. I filled my days to capacity, reasoning that I enjoy doing things, so the more I did, the happier I would be.
Oops.
I realized approximately one week into the school year in mid-August 2022 that I was fucked. I was stretched too thin and was going to have to do less for myself and family – less writing, less cleaning, less decluttering, less chilling out and enjoying my life – in order to keep up. Okay. Fine. I could handle a busy fall and I’d recover in the winter.
And then my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and I did not have the capacity for all the stress and feelings, but there they were. I needed a buffer! Because sometimes, a loved one gets sick and you need time to process that shit.
Somehow, I dragged myself through my season of soccer coaching and far too many PTA commitments, and I even enjoyed the holidays. Over the winter break, I reread Essentialism and resolved to rebuild my buffer. I would not say yes to any additional volunteer requirements. I would do my best to chill out and take time to recover from the fall.
Then my dad had emergency brain surgery in February and holy shit, if I thought I was burnt out on January 1….
On the bright side, the first half of 2023 really hammered home the lesson THAT I NEED A BUFFER. Just because I have enough time to do something does not mean I should. I need to focus on the essentials, like parenting and writing, and not spread myself so thin that I do not have the capacity to handle life’s unexpected twists.
So going forward, let this be one of my mantras: I NEED A BUFFER.