This week, I am back with more Jedi mind tricks for pandemic parenting. Because parenting is already tough, but add in a pandemic? Sweet Jesus, have mercy!

But first:

• My memoir, Adventures With My Forties, is free right now on Amazon! It is free until Saturday, September 12th. If you missed this round, don’t worry. I’ll make it free again in December. If you want to be alerted when the book is free, then …
• … sign up for my newsletter! I tried starting a newsletter a few years ago, and it didn’t work. It just felt too stiff and formal. I was trying to imitate the style of other newsletters. I was trying too hard to write what I thought people wanted to read instead of writing what I wanted to write. Then I became a Room Parent for Pippa’s kindergarten class and discovered that “stiff and formal” is not my style. I started writing class emails that were slightly unhinged and it was so much fun. I am much more “zany and deranged”! So that is what I am going to try to do with my new newsletter. I hope to have fun and be my authentic self.
• And in case you are curious, the fire I mentioned is the Bobcat Fire, currently at 24,000 acres and 0% containment. It is currently burning away from Pasadena, so fingers crossed! My thoughts and prayers are with the firefighters.

All right, and now, as promised, my second round of Pandemic Parenting Jedi Mind Tricks:

• You can only change yourself. If you are not happy with something about your kid’s behavior, you have to change your behavior. This goes back to modeling, instead of lecturing. For example, if Pippa talks rudely to me, and I give her an angry lecture, I’ve just demonstrated that rudeness is an effective tool for communication. If I say nicely, “I don’t like the way you are talking to me and if you continue that, I’ll have to send you to time out,” then I am changing myself and teaching Pippa a more effective way to communicate.
• You can only save yourself. This is some scary ass shit. By saving yourself, and doing deeper work on yourself, you are lighting the way for your children. But they will fuck up and make mistakes and sometimes be assholes and that’s okay. They have their own journey with their own adventures. They have their own work to do during this lifetime. I’m not saying abandon them. Love them! Nurture them! But realize that it’s your job to save yourself and do YOUR work. You can’t short circuit their work.  
• Are your expectations for your child reasonable? Like are they at the age when they can handle distance learning on their own? Or are you setting them up for failure with your expectations?
• You can’t control life but you can control your mindset. That doesn’t mean the glass needs to be half full. Lately, it feels like 2020 took a huge shit in the glass. Half full or half empty, the water is contaminated. So when I mention “controlling your mindset,” I am not advocating denial. But agonizing over things out of our control? That just increases unnecessary suffering.
• Sometimes, it helps me to think, if I was the child in this situation, how would I want to be parented?
• Or I flip that thinking and wonder, if my kids were the parent in this situation, what would I want for them?
• Fuck screen time rules.
• Flexibility, flexibility, I can’t touch my toes but when it comes to parenting, I try to be flexible. .
• You don’t need anyone else’s approval about the way you are raising your kids. You don’t need the approval of your parents, your in-laws, your friends, your kids’ teachers, your kids’ principal, or any so-called parenting experts.
• Have compassion for yourself and your kids. Everything feels better with compassion. This is something I am working toward and I forget compassion All. The. Time.
• What works changes. I forgot to mention this on the podcast! But I want to include it here. Remember babies? Babies change all the time. Just when you get a good groove going, nap time changes, eating habits change, teething kicks in and destroys everything… Well, what works during the pandemic also changes. Sometimes by the hour.
• Pay attention and be curious. Sometimes just noticing a problem is the solution. I used to yell all the time at my kids. It made me feel awful and they hated it. I thought I was going to need an elaborate solution to the yelling but just by noticing the problem, it gradually subsided.
• Stop judging other parents. When you judge other parents, you judge yourself.I
• It’s okay for your kid to get bored.
• Be authentic. If you are being yourself, parenting feels easier. Like for me, it means getting outside and doing crafts. But for you, it’s probably something different.
• Be intentional and conscious.
• The work is the reward! It’s not the praise or accolades and it’s not money, because god knows we are not being paid for this gig. But the work. You are entitled to the work. Not the glory or fame or honor or prestige. Just the work.