To some extent, I have put my life on hold for my kids. I feel called to do two things – be a stay-at-home mom and write – and those two callings do not mesh easily. At least, not in my current phase of life.

I don’t want to bore you with the details of my schedule, but long story short, I don’t get nearly enough time to write. I am doing my best to get all the writing time I can, because when I write, I’m a better mom. But I also know that this phase of my life is temporary. Julian will spend more and more time at school, and in two and a half years, he’ll go to elementary school with Pippa. Even if I continue volunteering with school, I’ll still have an abundance of time to write and exercise.

I’m just not there yet. 

In the meantime, though, I can’t put my health on hold. I have to put my calling to be a writer on the back burner because I am also called to be a stay at home mom to my kids (a calling which I do not expect every mom to have!), but my health must still be become a priority.

I have let my health slide this past year. Well, that’s not quite right. I have actually gotten much healthier over the past year – I’ve lost 45 pounds, my cholesterol is down, and my thyroid is working better than ever. I saw my doctor today and she’s extremely happy with my progress.

But I want to make more progress, faster. I’m forty, and after all the hormonal chaos of pregnancy and childbirth, I want to be in the best shape possible for menopause. I can’t just wait until Julian is in kindergarten to take the time to do the things that will make me physically healthy. That’s over two years away and that’s too long to put my health on hold.  

So today, I made five appointments to see my doctor every week for sauna treatments. (I’m starting this program in mid-May. I’ll post more about it then!) I’ve known that as I lose weight, I also need to sweat more to eliminate toxins, but I have not taken the time to do that. Now I’m making my health a priority and finding the time.

I did not have to look far to find the time. I have spent a lot of time volunteering with Pippa’s kindergarten. It was great. I enjoyed getting to know Pippa’s teacher and classmates. I’m going to continue my behind-the-scenes work as room parent, but I’m dialing back my hours in the classroom and using that newfound time to take care of my physical health. I’m not going to hit the snooze button on my health anymore!

I’m also going to start seeing my therapist every three or four weeks. I want to work on various self-improvement projects and I know my therapist will help me make better and faster progress. For a long time, I’ve been in a place where I did not need or want a therapist. Now, I’m in a place where I want and need a therapist, so I’m making that happen. Again, that means I’m taking the time I used for kindergarten volunteering and moving it right back into the column for Courtney’s Mental Health.

Pippa is disappointed. She has asked me when I’m going to volunteer at kindergarten again. I explained that I need to do some things to take care of myself so I can be the best mommy possible for her. She seemed to understand this. 

I was going to try to get through the rest of kindergarten before tackling my health issues, but my recent brush with insomnia has prompted me to reconsider my priorities and bring my health back to the place where it belongs.

I have to believe that I am a Good Enough Mom and not sacrifice my personal health in order to satisfy some impossible inner standard about what I need to do to pass muster as a mother. That belief starts with action. By making the appointments and time for my health, I hope to stop feeling guilty whenever I take a little time for myself.