My Meditation Practice

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Meditation makes me feel like a better version of myself. I have known this for years, but still, I have had trouble sustaining a regular practice. I have tried attending meditation classes at yoga studios, using Tibetan singing bowls, staring at candles, and various guided meditations on YouTube. Every time, I get into a good groove but after a few weeks, I get irritated or bored and quit. It seemed like meditation just wasn’t my jam.

When I started weaning off Mirtazipane (the medication that helps me sleep when I’m anxious), I realized I needed to find some new tricks to fall asleep at night. Meditation has been helping enormously on that front, but I’m doing it entirely my way:

  1. When: Right before I go to bed. It’s the last thing I do before falling asleep. Previously, I meditated in the morning or around 8 p.m. Morning meditations felt wrong because I’d rather journal when I wake up; and the 8 p.m. meditation would make me sleepy, but then I’d watch t.v. and get a second wind, thereby undermining the benefits of paying attention to my breath for ten minutes.
  2. Where: In my bed. Lying down. With my head on a pillow. I don’t care if I’m “supposed” to meditate sitting up. I meditate better when I’m comfortable in bed.
  3. What: I’m using the Calm app. I listen to different guided meditations. Right now, I’m listening to the stress management series.
  4. Why: To relax at night and unwind from the day so that I fall asleep easily.

Meditation is a tool that is helping me right now in August 2018. Will I still be meditating in September 2018? I have no idea! I don’t even know if I’ll meditate tonight.

But this is what I’m loving about my current meditation practice: I’m doing what works for me. According to the Calm app, I’m supposed to meditate sitting up. Well, I don’t want to do that. I want to lie down, damnit, so that’s what I’m doing.

I’m sure there are some meditation experts who would roll their eyes at my techniques, but that does not bother me. I’m not meditating to impress anyone. I’m just doing what feels right for me right now.