I recorded this episode on July 16, 2020, which was Day 41 of my menstrual cycle. As I write this, it is July 17, Day 42. What the what!?!
Two important observations:
(1) My period is SUPER late, and
(2) I am not pregnant. (I had an appointment with my gynecologist earlier this week, on Day 39, and asked my doctor to check.)
So now I am left to wonder: is this perimenopause? or pandemic stress?
My mom missed her period for NINE months when she was forty-one years old. I am forty-one years old. Does that mean I am just going to be in menstrual limbo for another seven or eight months?
And: I did not talk about this on the show, but what is my period going to be like when it arrives? Super mega heavy? I need to stop thinking about this.
I have been tracking my period for years, and I looked back at my menstrual cycles for 2019 and the first half of 2020. They bounced around with lots of irregularity, which has always been my uterus’ favorite mode. In case you are geek about numbers like me, the cycles were: 30 days, 23, 31, 31, 26, 27, 27, 28, 26, 28, 28, 28 (OMG! almost regular!), 26, 25, 31, 28, 30, 24, and 29.
My uterus is a creature of mystery and intrigue.
My gynecologist told me he could “jumpstart” my period if I hit Day 50. I told him that I’m feeling great (thank you, Zoloft), so he said to touch base after five months.
I have no idea what is involved with jumpstarting one’s period, but I am imagining something like this:
Before I let the Automobile Club have its way with my uterus (or ovaries? I seriously have no idea what this entails), I am getting educated. I have started reading Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book The Wisdom of Menopause: Creating Physical and Emotional Health During the Change. I have only read about 50 pages, but so far, I am loving it. I love Dr. Northrup’s approach to woman’s health. She is very much about the mind-body-heart connection and using health issues to dive into deeper soul work. She writes:
It may not feel like a rescue at the time, but the clarity of vision and increasing intolerance for injustice, inequity and lack of fulfillment that accompany the perimenopausal changes are a gift. Our hormones are giving us an opportunity to see, once and for all, what we need to change in order to live honestly, fully, joyfully and healthfully in the second half of our lives.
The Wisdom of Menopause, pg. 19.
This is exactly how I want to approach perimenopause! I don’t want to look at it as a burden or cross to bear. I want to see it as an opportunity to do whatever work my soul needs me to do.
Dr. Northrup also writes:
Regardless of where you currently stand in your menstrual or perimenopausal transition, chances are you’ve inherited a few beliefs about your cycle that boil down to a variation of the following: “The issues that arise premenstrually have nothing to do with my actual life. They are strictly hormonal. My hormones exist in a universe that is completely separate from the rest of my life.”
The Wisdom of Menopause, pg. 37.
I feel like I need to insert a victory dance here. (I think I need to enlist my husband and get some photos of me doing a victory dance so when appropriate, I can pop them into show notes and blog posts.)
But seriously, as women, we have been brainwashed into thinking we are crazy because of our hormones. But maybe we just seem crazy because we try to accommodate everyone until we cannot take it anymore, and we explode. Maybe our hormones are just magnifying the issues we try to ignore.
I don’t want to keep ignoring my issues! Dr. Northrup writes:
PMS and the escalation of symptoms that is so common during perimenopause are really our inner guidance system trying to get us to pay attention to the adjustments we need to make in our lives, adjustments that become particularly urgent during perimenopause.
The Wisdom of Menopause, pg. 37
I want to tune into my inner guidance system! I want to make the adjustments that my soul requires so that I can be my authentic self.
I want to treat perimenopause as another adventure.