Today is the first day of school, but Julian is at home, nursing a sprained ankle. He took a bad step yesterday on a bouncy castle at his cousin’s birthday party, and he was in so much pain, we ended up going to urgent care. X-rays confirmed it’s not broken (yay!), but the doctor assured me it’s a “gnarly sprain” and advised keeping Julian home for the first couple days of school.

Never a dull moment, eh?

When the urgent care doctor told me to keep Julian home, I was grateful for her advice because I was struggling to assess the extent of Julian’s injury. But after the gratitude, I got bitter and descended into a downward spiral of Woe is me! Can’t life be easy for awhile? I just want to go to hot yoga tomorrow! Now I’m trapped at home and how am I supposed to take care of myself if my kids get stupid injuries? It’s just one damn thing after another!

I woke up this morning pretty cranky, but once we got Pippa to school and I had Julian settled on the couch, I journaled. As I journaled, my sense of humor returned and I realized, Yes, it is one damn thing after another, but that’s life. That’s fine. At least life never gets boring.

Julian’s sprained ankle felt like AN ABOMINATION AND GRIEVOUS ASSAULT ON MY FREE TIME because I’m burnt out. I’ve spent the summer relaxing and chilling out, but I’m still a smoldering pile of ashes. The past few years have been a lot, from a pandemic and distance learning to my dad’s cancer and multiple brain surgeries, and I pushed myself too hard, for too long. That’s okay. This is my year to be a phoenix, and arise reborn from my charred remains!

But first, I have to be a pile of ash.

And as a pile of ash, I don’t have much in the way of perspective. Life feels relentless, like one damn thing after another, and every little thing bruises my battered self.

I’m not going to beat myself up for feeling this way. My feelings are good! They are letting me know that I am still depleted and need to take my time healing from some seriously profound burnout. My body is reminding me to go slowly and not volunteer for anything extra. My body is taking care of me. Feeling overwhelmed by little things is actually helping me heal.

Eventually, I will heal fullyl and be the phoenix. When that happens, I won’t feel destroyed when shit happens and one of the kids needs to stay home from school. I’ll have perspective about the ups and downs of life and embrace the unexpected adventures of living.

But for now, I feel like it’s one damn thing after another – and that’s okay.