Healing From Burnout, Fake Drama, And Real Life Stress

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Last week, I blogged about my intention to volunteer less during the 2023-24 school year. What do I intend to do with my extra free time?

HEAL FROM BURNOUT.

I’m currently reading Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, and I am learning so much. I will blog more about that book soon, but today, I want to reflect on the practices that I think will help me heal from both the fake drama and real life stress of the 2022-23 school year.

What’s “fake drama”? I think of it as stress over things that don’t actually matter. Some of the fake drama I experienced last year: the PTA membership drive; managing volunteers for the school carnival; recruiting referees for my kids’ AYSO teams; and concern over who my son’s first grade teacher would be. All these things made me lose all my shits, and I had to do a lot of soul-searching to realize THEY DIDN’T ACTUALLY MATTER in the grand scheme of things. Yet the stress they generated was as real to my body as the stress created by a car accident or stampede of wooly mammoths in my neighborhood.

When my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer last September, I received an abrupt and necessary reminder of what actually matters. Recruiting a room parent for every class at school? Not actually a matter of life or death. My dad getting the right treatment for cancer? Pretty damn important.

Then in February, when the cancer was resolved and my dad needed emergency brain surgery for an unrelated health issue, I got an even bigger reminder of what matters: family; love; our health and wellbeing. Things that don’t matter? Running a book fair; recruiting PTA volunteers; reminding people to donate items to the school auction. Okay, I’m being a bit harsh – those things also matter. I care about education and school community! But they shouldn’t cause stress, and they certainly shouldn’t cause the sort of stress that leads to burnout.

I experienced way too much stress during the 2022-23 school year, so for me, the 2023-24 school year is all about HEALING. (Excuse me while I tattoo that on my forehead so I don’t forget.)

This is unexplored territory for me! But these are some things I think will help me heal:

  • Intentional Rest and Relaxation: This does not include the inevitable collapse at day’s end to watch t.v. with Nathan – even if I’m knitting or doodling. This refers to the conscious decision to stop doing shit and just Chill the Fuck Out. On hot days, this means floating in the pool with a magazine. On less hot days, I like to sit on my favorite rocking chair on our front porch with a cup of tea and work on my latest cross stitch project. I can do this on the weekend, but bonus points if I do it while the kids are at school, when I’m dogged by that relentless feeling that I Should be Productive. (Another quest in progress: eliminating that relentless feeling to be productive all the time.)
  • Hot Yoga: This is cardio, strength, and deep stretching for the entire body. It’s my ashram, my place to be quiet and get centered. I always leave feeling more grounded.
  • Nature: Pasadena has gorgeous botanical gardens and hiking in the mountains. Forest bathing, anyone?
  • Crafting: I really want to play with resin. Make shit with pompoms. Create something complicated with perler beads.
  • Baking Bread: I might be on a refined sugar moratorium, but me and bread are still excellent friends.
  • Sewing: I feel like my best self when I’m at the sewing machine. And yet, I don’t do this nearly often enough. Partly because for me, sewing comes second to writing. But also, because I’ve been too busy with PTA and AYSO shit. It’s time to prioritize my sewing machine over soul-crushing paperwork.
  • Journaling: Sometime a download of all my thoughts. Other times, more like poetry. Or a conversation with the divine sublime. Affirmations and mantras. Verbal diarrhea. Dialogues with my inner child. My journaling practice is whatever I need it to be, changing day-by-day.
  • Meditation: I downloaded the Calm App a few days ago. I forgot how much I enjoy the Daily Calm, a ten minute guided meditation. Yes, it costs money, but it’s my favorite program and I want to bring its lessons back into my life.
  • Pampering Myself With Spa Treatments: Massages! Facials! Pedicures! Oh my! Also: I want to find the time to visit to my favorite women’s only spa in Korea Town, so I can get a scrub and reflexology and experience the bliss of unwinding. Note to self: let’s do that by the end of 2023. And then make it a quarterly practice.
  • Swimming
  • Tennis: I signed up for lessons and I’m excited to reconnect with this childhood joy.
  • Art: making and appreciating. I renewed my membership to the Norton Simon and will also rejoin the Huntington soon so I can get my art on.
  • Time with family and friends
  • Laughter
  • Decluttering: It feels so good to have space and not feel weighed down by unnecessary possessions. But I’m doing this slowly so I can revel in the catharsis and not turn “Decluttering the house” into another source of fake stress.
  • Cleaning: Slowly. Zoning out with a good podcast or audiobook. The satisfaction of a clean floor feels good for my soul.
  • Reading: Before dinner. I always read in the hours after dinner, solo and with the kids, but sometimes, I just want to sit and enjoy a delicious book during daylight hours.
  • Gardening
  • Attend a sound bath: I haven’t done this in years but the vibrations of a gong and Tibetan singing bowls make my body shiver in a profoundly good way.
  • Play the Piano: I started playing again last week. It’s so calming. It connects me to my feelings deeply yet gently.
  • Play: With the kids. With Nathan. Tossing a frisbee. Playing a boardgames. Being silly. For no point other than the joy of being human on this glorious planet.

With healing on my mind, I’m sure other ideas will bubble to the surface. Yoga with baby goats, anyone?