Episode 21: My Feelings Have Messages I Want To Heed

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I am a total amateur when it comes to feelings. Most of my life, I have done my best to suppress my feelings. I buried my feelings with food. I am working now to build a healthier relationship with my feelings. I’m not exactly sure what that will look like. I’m an amateur here! But I am ready and excited to do this work.

I started using the Noom app last February to develop a healthier relationship with food. The Noom app has a lot of excellent lessons about feelings. I have learned a lot.

Wanting to dive even deeper into my feelings work, I recently listened to the audiobook for Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett. I learned a lot and will probably eventually read the hardback version that I bought last summer. (Alas, these days, I just don’t have the time or bandwidth for actual reading. Thank god for audiobooks!)

This is what I have learned so far about feelings and beliefs:

  • I am not alone in being a feelings amateur. Humans are feelings machines that think, but alas, most of us have been taught to devalue our feelings.
  • My feelings are not automatically good or bad.
  • My feelings are messengers with calls to action.
  • My feelings alert me to my beliefs.
  • I don’t want to label my feelings, but I’m happy to label my beliefs. As I pay attention to my feelings, I am learning that I have a lot of toxic beliefs.
  • I intend to do a lot more writing and talking about my toxic beliefs. I went to Catholic school for twelve years and I can’t tell you how many times we learned about Eve eating the apple from the Tree of Knowledge. Women have been blamed for the sins of humanity for thousands of years. It’s bullshit, but it’s going to take some hard work to eradicate that shit from my subconscious.
  • I do not want to go through life weighed down by beliefs that I did not consciously choose. My feelings are an awesome tool to help me find the beliefs I do not want to keep.

I have been suppressing my feelings for so long, I do it automatically. I have to work at actually noticing my feelings before I suppress them. This will take time and patience. It’s going to be messy and awkward. But this is work I want to do.