I have been thinking about my mental health a lot lately. I have a lot of mental health tools that boost my mental health, like meditation, exercise, writing, and Zoloft. I have been relying on these tools heavily since the first lockdown in Pasadena in March 2020.

But just how long can those tools keep me afloat?

I have started thinking of my mental health as a sort of rowboat that carries me through the adventure that is life. Let’s call it the S.S. Mental Health.

The boat represents the foundation of my mental health. It is made of my absolute essentials like community, time alone to write, and going out into the world for new experiences. This time a year ago, my little vessel was in good shape.

Then came the pandemic.

After a month of lockdown, my vessel had sprung a leak. But I could handle a leak! I could meditate! And have dance parties with my kids! And talk to my therapist!

But things dragged on. I could plug the leak with a few psych tricks, but I had to reach shore eventually to repair my poor boat. There was, alas, no shore in sight.

Forget a few leaks. Distance learning capsized my mental health boat and pitched me into the angry sea.

Which brings me to the present day.

Folks, I am trying my best but lately, I feel like I am surfing a log on a tsunami during the Apocalypse. How can I rely on a few psych tricks like journaling and texting with friends to patch up my mental health when I don’t even have a damn boat?

And yet, I am still surfing that log. I have a supportive husband, good friends, and a house in a great neighborhood. I manage to find a couple of hours for writing, even if I get interrupted a hundred times by my kids. I have Zoloft and the last season of Schitt’s Creek on standby.

I can stay on this log. I have been training for this shit since I was first diagnosed with postpartum depression in July 2013. This sucks. This is tough. But I can hang on to the log.

If you feel like you are drowning in anxiety and depression and other mental health woes, you are not alone. Mental health tricks are not always enough to keep the boat afloat when the sea has gone bat shit crazy. Please take care of yourself. Please do not beat yourself up if you need some extra tender care during these crazy AF times. I am rooting for all of you even as I hustle to keep my balance on the shitty log that used to be my mental health boat.