I have been slowly reading Warrior Goddess Training: Become The Woman You Are Meant To Be by Heatherash Amara. Ordinarily, I would have inhaled this book in a few sittings. But since the first shutdown last March, I am reading in slow motion. Partly, this is because my brain is worn out from 2020; and partly, because I just don’t have much time to sit down and read.

Yesterday, I read this passage in Warrior Goddess Training and it really hit home:

When steel is tempered, heat and pressure are used to strength the metal. When a butterfly first begins to emerge from its cocoon, it must struggle in order to strengthen its wings. If someone frees the butterfly from its cocoon prematurely, it will not be able to fly because its crucial tempering stage will not have occurred. In one experiment where an entire ecosystem was created within a protected bubble, the healthy trees fell unexpectedly. Researchers later realized that these trees needed wind in order to build their structural strength to stay upright.

Warrior Goddess Training, pg. 82.

The pandemic is hard. Distance learning is hard. But hard things help us build strength and resilience. Tough experiences strengthen our wings so we can fly.

I am trying to hold on to this idea as I continue onward. It’s not easy. It’s been nearly a year since Pippa’s school closed, and we have no idea when Pasadena schools will resume. When will we start hybrid? How long will hybrid last? And now there are rumors and rumblings about summer school. It’s just a lot of uncertainty, and I am weary. I am worn out.

I am a butterfly fighting to emerge from her cocoon. A bar of steel being tempered by heat and pressure. A tree being buffeted by winds to build my structural strength.

2020 was tough AF. So far, 2021 has been a steaming pile of crap.

But I am getting stronger. I am becoming more resilient. My wings are getting ready to fly.

I am holding on to these thoughts, but I am also allowing myself to feel weary and worn out. I am not superhuman. I might look back at this time someday and feel grateful for all the resilience and flexibility I developed. But that does not mean I have to enjoy these strange, tempering times.