I have been the room mom for Pippa’s class since kindergarten. During my first months as room mom, I sent dry, sterile messages to the class about potlucks and volunteering opportunities. I was trying to write the way I imagined a wholesome room mom would write.

But that’s not my style.

After a few months, my messages became a little more … authentic. In fact, one could say they became snarky. A lot of parents have thanked me for sending funny emails. They are my target audience. Some of the parents probably think I’m a crackpot, but I have stopped caring about what any haters might be thinking. (No one has actually complained to me about the tone of my emails yet, but if they do, at least it will be good material for my fiction.)

This is the email I sent today regarding our distance learning Valentine festivities:

First order of business: Happy New Year! Or, since we are still stuck in distance learning, I should probably just say, Mediocre New Year!

Valentine’s Day is coming, and in the darkness that is distance learning, our kids deserve a little light. So we are going to do our best to have a Valentine’s Party! (Because let’s face it, in a few years, when hormones kick in, Valentine’s Day will become a sordid source of drama, so let’s enjoy it when it is still hormone-free.)

Here’s how it will go:

• Please drop off cards at my house by Friday, February 5. Cards should be addressed to “my friend” and then From “your kid’s name.” 
• There are 26 kids in the class, plus two teachers, so each child should drop off 27 cards. 
• Please drop off cards in some sort of bag, so they are easy to sort. If I get a big heap of loose cards, and all the cards get mixed up, that might break my spirit. 
• Cards will be sorted into bags for each kid.  Bags will be provided. Susan* and I have this under control. 
• Goody bags can then be picked up between February 9-11. (I’ll let you know when they are ready!) 
• There will also be a “Valentine’s Day Party” in a bag. There will be a Bingo card, some treats, maybe a craft project or two, etc. If you have ideas for the Party Bag, or would like to help with that, please let me know! What did I forget to tell you? I know I must be forgetting something because my brain is so depleted by distance learning … sorry in advance for anything that is confusing! I am open to questions, concerns, and interesting bribes.

I will send reminders because we all have a lot on our plates! 

Cheers,

Courtney

* name changed in case she does not want to be associated with my snarkiness. Which I totally get.