For most of my life, I avoided, numbed, suppressed, mocked and ignored my negative feelings. I saw them as a sign of weakness and a source of shame.

For the past few years, I have been trying to allow myself to have negative feelings. I have done this work mostly through therapy and journaling; and for the most part, this work concentrated on just feeling my feelings instead of running for ice cream the moment I felt a twinge of a negative emotion.

I have made a lot of progress. I sometimes catch myself numbing crappy feelings with food, but those moments are coming less and less often. Last year, when my son’s school had to close temporarily from asbestos contamination, I gained twenty pounds. This year, the Covid-19 pandemic closed my kids’ schools and turned our lives upside down – and still, I have lost fifteen pounds since February. I know this is because I am not stuffing down my feelings with food.

But as much progress as I have made, I am ready to level up.

Recently, I have realized that my feelings require more than being felt. I need to pay attention to my feelings and be curious about them. Why am I feeling a particularly strong emotion? Is there a subconscious belief at the root of this feeling? How do I feel about this subconscious belief? Does it still work for me or is it time for an upgrade?

Then it’s time to take action!

What does it mean to “take action” in response to my feelings?

Well, I’m still working on that. Like I said, I’m a Feelings Novice.

But at the most basic level, I have learned that if I am feeling something good, like joy or happiness or contentment, that is my body’s way of saying, This is awesome! Do this more often! I recently took the kids to the park and felt so happy sitting under a tree, enjoying a breeze. I smiled and thought that I have to keep making an effort to get us out into nature. Everything feels better in nature. It’s where we belong.

If I am feeling something negative, that is my body’s way of saying, Holy shit! This sucks! Do something else! Change! Make some changes! I have recently felt frustrated when I do not have enough time to write because hello, 2020 cancelled summer and my kids are home a lot more than usual. When I realized my frustration came from lack of writing time, I started making an effort to take more time to write, even though that meant letting my kids entertain themselves. I have felt much better, and my kids are thriving as well. Turns out they do not need me to plan their every waking moment. Thank you, negative feelings!

I feel a little silly writing this post. After all, there are tons of experts who know way more about feelings than I do. Why should I be sharing my thoughts when they have doctorates and research studies and fancy knowledge about physiology and mind-body connections?

Because I am a novice, and there are far more Feelings Novices than Feelings Experts. For me, writing is a way to understand and transform. If I share my struggles with my emotions, I will keeping getting better at feeling my feelings, paying attention to their messages, and taking action. If I do this work enough, it will eventually become second nature.

I am still only a novice. It will take a lot more than a blog post to help me become a Feelings Master. But with time and work, I believe anyone, including myself, has the ability to become a Feelings Badass.