Every day is weird and so far beyond my comfort zone, I’m not even certain I have a comfort zone anymore. Remember that place? I have gotten so used to Corona Land, it will be weird when I get to pack school lunches again and can get all the things on my shopping list easily (instead of writing “meat” and sacrificing a roll of toilet paper to the grocery gods).

But I’m in good company. Pretty much everyone I know is living with this constant uncertainty. We are all making up this shit as we go.

Here in Pasadena, we are the middle of Week 3 without school. It’s actually spring break for my kids, and I am loving the break from distance learning.

So far, we have managed to maintain bedtime. (Excuse me while I go knock on every piece of wood in the house!) The kids go to bed at 7:30. Nathan sings the usual lullabies; I tell a version of the Cloud Story that I started telling the kids last summer. I give them kisses and close their door. Then the kids make a lot of strange noises — I’m convinced someone has somehow managed to hide a wrecking ball under their bed — and after about ten minutes of the usual resistance, they succumb to the land of nod.

For us, bedtime must be maintained, but other aspects of parenting are not so clear. The kids know there is a Corona virus (Pippa heard about it at school from teachers and classmates). They know school is cancelled and that they are also not going back for at least another month (probably longer…) They know they can’t see their friends and that we don’t know when the hell we can have Pippa’s birthday party. That’s a lot of reality for a seven year old and four and a half year old.

As much as I am struggling with the uncertainty, they are struggling even more. I have to lower my expectations for my kids because holy shit, there’s a pandemic. They miss their grandparents, their schools, their friends and their teachers. So many comforts and routines have been yanked away with zero warning. Of course they are going to have Crazy Scary Feelings and find new ways to misbehave.

They are fighting a little more than usual, crying more easily, and testing the rules. So here’s my dilemma: I know I have to lower my expectations, but does that mean I let the kids misbehave without consequence?

Part of me thinks I should let misdeeds slide — hello! pandemic! — but then I think: if all the boundaries evaporate, and the kids can draw on the furniture (Julian!) and run with scissors (Pippa! WTF?!), and we descend into ANARCHY, isn’t that even scarier for the kids? If we let the kids destroy the house and eat dessert for every meal, then we are sending the message, Everything is fucked so why bother?

That’s why, even though my kids need extra love, I am still enforcing the rules. Both kids have been sent to time out since we started sheltering at home, and I’m sure they’ll be going back sometime soon. But yesterday, we promised them ice cream sandwiches for a snack if they behaved nicely. Their behavior all day was … suboptimal. But Nathan and I had a whispered conference and decided they both did their best. They both got the ice cream sandwiches, and then we snuggled and watched Frozen II. Sometimes they need time outs to feel safe; but sometimes, the kids need ice cream sandwiches and Olaf.

Mainly, I am trusting my intuition during this parenting adventure. When I sense that Pippa is testing boundaries to see if the boundaries still exist, I send her to time out. But other times, when I sense my kids are misbehaving because HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS HAPPENING, I take a deep breath and offer hugs and snuggles.

Parenting is going to seem so easy when this insanity is over.