I recently started waking up at 5 a.m. It’s amazing. Before my kids wake up, I have time to journal and stretch. I feel like I have so much more energy and patience when I have started my day with a little time for myself.

This is a very recent development. Sleep is essential. It is the foundation of my mental health. If I’m not getting enough sleep, then I don’t feel like my best self. I don’t even feel like my okay self. I feel like a shitty shadow of myself.

So I am waking up early without an alarm clock. I am letting my Circadian rhythm do its thing. If I wake up one day and discover I missed the 5 a.m. hour, so be it.

Couple of observations:

• I weaned off Mirtazipane right before Christmas. Mirtazipane is an anti-anxiety sleep aid that I had been taking since my first round on postpartum depression in 2013. When I took Mirtazipane, even just a teeny tiny dose, I slept past 6. Since getting the Mirtazipane out of my body, though, I find myself waking up naturally at 5 a.m.
• Five a.m. is early. When I first weaned off Mirtazipane and started waking up at 5, my initial reaction was What. The. Fuck. I’d roll over, burrow under the blankets, and stay in bed as long as possible.
• This strategy backfired. I’d either doze and have half-dreams about my To Do list (which is not at all relaxing) or I’d fall into a deep sleep and got woken by the kids, and then I’d be uber grumpy. If I get woken up during a deep sleep state, I just don’t feel right all day.
• So I decided to listen to my body and try getting out of bed at 5 a.m. just to see how it felt. But I only did this because I strongly suspected that my body was ready to go at 5 a.m.

So here I am. It’s Saturday morning and I’ve already had two hours to myself! I’ve journaled, I’ve down a stretching program, I’ve tinkered with my novel, I’ve had breakfast, I’ve read, and now, I’ve written a blog post. Maybe waking up at 5 a.m. is my new secret magic.

Just don’t ask me to give up caffeine.