I have been weaning myself off mirtazipane for about a month now. Or maybe it’s been six weeks. Shit, it’s so hard to keep track.

The last time I saw my psychiatrist, we devised a plan for reducing my nightly mirtazipane dose. If all had gone according to plan, I would be completely done with mirtazipane.

But life does not always go according to plan, and sure enough, I’m still taking mirtazipane. And I expect it will take me at least two, if not four, more weeks to completely wean myself off the drug.

I had to first slow down my weaning journey when I had PMS. Every few months, PMS gives me a touch of insomnia. Mirtazipane combats insomnia. Why would I reduce a medication that helps me sleep when PMS is keeping me awake?

After the PMS, I got a cold. According to my schedule, it was time to reduce my dose but my intuition told me to be gentle with myself. If I feel shit lousy from a summer cold, then there’s no need to rush to the end of mirtazipane weaning. I’d just end up having an anxiety attack at night and boom, I’d be back to the full 15 mg at bedtime.

So long story short, I’ve decided to wean off mirtazipane even more slowly than my psychiatrist recommended. I’m using my pill cutter to halve the 7.5 mg pills into 3.75 mg doses. I am toggling between 7.5 one night and 3.75 the next. When I feel ready, I’ll do 3.75 mg two nights in a row and take 7.5 mg on the third night. Eventually I’ll be down to 3.75 every night. Then, and only when I feel completely and fully ready, I’ll go to bed without mirtazipane every third night.

I’m weaning myself off mirtazipane mindfully and intentionally. I realize that 3.75 mg of mirtazipane is next to nothing. Any effect it’s having on me is probably psychological, not actually physical. But that’s okay. If I have to reduce this slowly, then that’s what I have to do.