I am in a period of upheaval.

Pippa started kindergarten on Monday, and Julian starts preschool in a week and a half. This means I will have more Me Time, and I want to use that time for exercise and writing.

Except…

Standing in Pippa’s kindergarten classroom this past Monday, I realized I want to be involved with her elementary school life. I want to be in her classroom so I know what my daughter’s days are like. And more, I want to be there to help the teacher because holy eff, how is one teacher supposed to teach twenty-five five year olds how to read??? Pippa’s teacher is amazing, but education also depends on parental participation. And even more, I want to be there because something in my gut is telling me to do that.

I did not realize that the start of kindergarten was going to be such a big transition for me! I thought I was going to have heaps and heaps of extra time to write. I didn’t realize I’d start thinking over my values and how I want to spend my time. I didn’t realize I’d want to spend some of my Me Time in the kindergarten classroom. Which means I have to either (a) spend less time writing or (b) diminish another “obligation” to free up more writing time.

Well.

Poop.

I’m actually going to see my psychic in nineteen minutes to sort through all the crap spinning around in my head.

(I’ll have to write another post about “my psychic” and my new growing relationship with the tarot and intuition. By another post, I probably mean “an ass shit ton” of posts because I’m figuring all this out as I go along. My journal is a wonderful place to vent and express and feel the joyful flow of words moving through my body, but blogging is helping me become very intentional about my journeys and adventures.)

A big part of me feels like I need to sort out my calendar and figure out my priorities. How much time will I spend working at preschool? How much time will I devote to kindergarten? And how will I spend my time helping at elementary school? And what about my writing? Just how much time do I need to feel satisfied on that front? What about my podcast? And the support group I run? A couple of days ago, it occurred to me that it might be time for me to stop leading a mom-to-mom postpartum support group on Thursday afternoons and instead, maybe host a monthly nighttime gathering. The Thursday group takes a huge chunk out of my babysitter time, which is time that I could spend writing, and shit, I have a lot of crap to consider.

Deep breath.

I don’t have to figure out my life today. Or tomorrow. Or next week.

Right now, I just need to accept that I’m in a period of chaos, upheaval and transition. A month from now, I’ll have a better handle on how I want to spend my days.

For now, it’s enough to embrace the chaos.