As you may or may not know, maternal mental health is one of my great passions. I love it so much, I have a podcast called Adventures with Postpartum Depression, a memoir of the same name, and a website. I’ve met a lot of great moms through that work. One of them recently reached out to me. After an awful round of postpartum depression and anxiety, she was finally feeling better. But now that her son has entered the toddler years, she has been feeling impatient and like she is going to blow up and asked for advice.

Here was my response:

Well, if you feel like it’s hormonal or some sort of relapse, then talk to your doctor/therapist.

But pretty much every mom I know at some point has a tough time dealing with a toddler! It’s an adventure in and of itself. i’m a bookworm, so what works for me is a mix of daily journaling – not an account of my daily life, but more just fast writing about whatever is on my mind – and reading.

I read a mix of books about parenting and self-improvement. This is the toughest thing I have learned as a mom: you can’t change your kids; you can only change yourself. It has taken five years to get myself to that understanding.

Books that helped me a lot with understanding toddlers:

– The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperate One- to Four- Year Old by Harvey Karp, M.D. (this gave lots of practical tools)

– The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D – which is just fantastic for all things kid. I’ve read it twice already and probably will read it at least two more times.

My favorite book about being a parent:

– The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Then, on the personal growth front, the books that have helped me navigate the tough, tough waters of motherhood are:

– The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz

– When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron

– Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

Though honestly, I think you have already taken the most important step: understanding that you do not like the way things are. I promise, it gets easier. My five year old is glorious. We have to send her to time out all the time, but hey, that’s a vast improvement over Julian, age 2.5. He doesn’t get time out.

Lastly, this is the thing that comforts me the most when my toddler is being tough: it’s age and developmentally appropriate. I might not like it, but at least I know his brain is developing on track.