It’s Friday. My second grader did not go to pod this week, and man oh man, I am drained.

Pippa has a pod with two boys in her second grade class. She loves pod because she gets to be with other kids. I love pod because a babysitter oversees it, which means I actually get to do some uninterrupted writing.

We did not have pod this past week because the babysitter who supervises pod was feeling under the weather. We are not having it next week because the Covid-19 numbers are high and the parents who host pod are not comfortable having everyone over right now.

I get it. I truly do.

But.

It’s really tough to do distance learning without our sweet little pod.

Yesterday, I was in really great spirits. Today, I feel defeated, drained and burned out. I know I am just riding the distance learning emotional rollercoaster. But I am also listening to my feelings. My feelings are not just there to torment me. They are messengers with calls to action.

I tuned into my feelings today.

They were shouting, Yo, Courtney! You are depleted! You need some downtime! And you need to write without being interrupted every two minutes!

My feelings were right. The kids have been quarrelsome this week. I don’t blame them. They have been through a lot. But still, it’s tough to be constantly breaking up their squabbles. Also, I had to manage Pippa’s distance learning without pod this week and I am bummed that pod is on hiatus. I am an introvert who needs time alone, to reflect, ruminate and write. I have not been getting that time for oh, nine and a half months now. It’s been a long slog.

That is why my kids are watching YouTube right now. At least, I assume they are still watching YouTube. I am at my desk, headphones on, door closed, and they have left me alone. They are watching YouTube so I do not have a nervous breakdown.

I am already feeling better. I’ve been trying to restrict screen time — there has been so much freaking screen time since we first went into lockdown last March — but damnit, my mental health matters. There are a lot of things that support my mental health, from exercise and fresh air to Zoloft and therapy. Letting the kids watch YouTube is one of the tools in my mental health kit. It was the tool I needed today.