A little over two weeks ago, my dad had emergency brain surgery and then spent a week and a half in the ICU before having another brain surgery. At least the second procedure was scheduled! He’s doing well and his prognosis is excellent, but it sounds like he needs at least one more brain surgery. Needless to say, this has been a stressful time for my family.

Very soon after my dad’s emergency brain surgery, I caught myself thinking, Shit, I guess I’m going to gain weight now. The following inner monologue ensued:

Me: But I don’t want to gain weight.

Also Me: Yeah but this is how I cope with stress. By eating.

Me: I could change that.

Also me: Nah, let’s have ice cream.

Me: No, I’m serious. I don’t want to use food to cope with my stress anymore.

Also me: [stunned into silence]

Me: I’m going to figure out some other ways to manage my stress.

Also me: So… no ice cream?

Me: Oh we can still have ice cream. For sure. But we’re not going to use an avalanche of ice cream to numb the stress, ok?

Also me: Let me get this straight. We’re going to sometimes have ice cream, because ice cream is amazing, but we’re not going to use ice cream to numb our stress?

Me: Correct.

When I got home from the hospital that day, I was exhausted but determined to find new ways to manage my stress. And you know what? I’ve been coping very well and I’m not using food as an emotional crutch. Silver linings! Instead, I’m using all sorts of other ways to reduce my stress levels, including:

1. Intense Cardio: I was traveling from Santa Monica to Pasadena on school days when my dad was in the ICU, leaving not much time for exercise, so I downloaded the Seven App, which has 7 minute workouts that get my heart pounding. Immediate mood boost.
2. Meditation: I’m using the Balance app (free ONE YEAR trial!) and loving it. It’s my current favorite way to meditate. I started with five minute sessions and now do a daily 10 minute session. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t have the time to meditate, but really, I don’t have the time to NOT meditate. I feel so much better after each session.
3. Fun Movements. I love therapist Tiffany Roe and bought her Feel Deal Heal COPING SKILLS deck at the beginning of this ordeal. I have only looked at a few cards so far. All of have them been helpful, but my favorite is the one that recommends novel movement. At the hospital, there was a little hallway outside the women’s restroom and whenever I was there alone, I did a quick dance move or a few karate chops and kicks. These novel movements really helped me stay in good spirits for my dad.
4. Journaling, so I can do a brain dump and write affirmations and recenter myself.
5. Face Masks. I have a tendency to be busy-busy-busy, go-go-go, and this wasn’t working for me. So twice a week, I apply a thick face mask and read in bed while moisturizing my face.
6. Fresh Air When Possible.
7. Hot Yoga. I’ve gone as often as possible. While my dad was in the ICU, I took a couple days off and my only priority was GET MY ASS TO HOT YOGA AND SWEAT OUT THE CRAZY. It helps. It really, really helps.
8. Cleaning. Not so much that I wear myself out but wiping down counters really helps me calm down. Especially if I’m listening to a good audiobook. And that feeling I get when I’ve completely cleaned a room? Priceless.
9. Knitting. Have needles, will travel. I knit several inches of a baby blanket in the ICU and hospital cafeteria.

These things are keeping my stress within manageable limits, but I think my internal decision to not use food to numb my stress has really helped me handle my dad’s emergency brain surgery in ways that are best for me.

I enjoyed my 22 in ’22 projects so much, I’m doing it again in 2023! (I first got the idea for 22 in ’22 from the podcast Happier, which I highly recommend.) I enjoy seeing what projects actually stick and what projects get left by the wayside. Here’s what I did in January:

1. Attend fifty hot yoga classes: I made it to four classes, which was great because (1) the kids were home the first week of January for their winter break and (2) I got my period TWICE and I just don’t like doing hot yoga when I’m menstruating. (If that is TMI for you, spoiler alert: this entire website is TMI for you.)
2. Track what I eat for 30 days in a row: I did it! I tracked what I ate from January 1-30, and I loved doing it. Now I’m continuing the streak. Can I make it to 60 days? I believe so!
3. Drink at least 64 oz of water/day for 30 days in a row: I did this too! My skin feels healthier. I’m still tracking how much water I drink because I love soda and coffee so much, it’s easy for me to forget to drink water. Tracking keeps me honest.
4. Publish my second novel: Revisions are coming along very well, and I expect I’ll be ready to flip my manuscript to an editor by the end of March.
5. Read 100 books for myself: As of today, I’ve read eight books and Goodreads says I’m on track to read 100 by the end of the year.
6. Try 23 new recipes: I tried three new recipes in January, two from the new Smitten Kitchen cookbook and one from Tuesday Nights, one of my go-to cookbooks.
7. Cook with mushrooms 23 times: I cooked with mushrooms twice in January – yes!
8. Bake 23 loaves of bread: I have not yet baked any bread this year. Maybe I’ll find the momentum to do this when my book is with my editor.
9. Make 23 different buttons with my button maker: I made one button as an example for Julian’s first grade class for an art project.
10. Finish 23 craft projects (not including buttons): Nothing yet, but several slower projects in the works, including my first embroidery sampler, a baby blanket that I’m knitting, and a cross stitch project.
11. Watch 12 different Creativebug classes: I watched the daily embroidery class and loved it.
12. Draw 12 times: I drew two times in January and both times were fun and relaxing.
13. Play 23 different board/card games: I played six different games with the kids in January. They know about this project and approve highly. So far, I’ve played Sleeping Queens, Uno, Race to the Treasure, Battleship, Ticket to Ride and Purple Castle Peak. The last is a game my kids invented, and it’s still being workshopped. You won’t see it in stores anytime soon.
14. Watch 23 movies with my kids: We went to see Puss in Boots: The Last Wish at our favorite discount theater, and the entire family loved it. I suspect this project will be mostly completed over summer vacation.
15. Write 23 blog posts: This is my third of the year. I’m on track!
16. Visit 23 new places: I visited three new places in January – the new Amazon Fresh store in Pasadena; a new school gym for Pippa’s first basketball game (it has a balcony for parents); and at Universal Studios, a new segment on the tram ride for the movie NOPE. Going to new places is an easy way to boost my soul’s joy levels, but I often forget to venture beyond my rut. I’m so glad I included “Visit 23 new places” in my 23 in ’23 Project, because I check in with the project frequently, and it reminds me to go out and explore this glorious world.
17. Go on 12 hikes: Pippa and I went on a mommy-daughter hike at Eaton Canyon. I’ve done this hike at least a half dozen times, but we went after the rain, and the streams were deeper than I’ve ever seen. Pippa LOVED it. Our shoes were soaked by the end, but we made it to the waterfall, and I can’t wait to hike again.
18. Do 23 things I have never done before: I did five different new things in January: I bought passes to Universal Studios for me and the kids; shopped at Amazon Fresh with the “just walk out” technology; during hot yoga, I flipped my towel off my mat for a few poses; I organized a Girl Scout field trip; and we met up with friends at Universal Studios. Did I do anything crazy like sky dive or walk in outer space? Heck no. But I did experience a mental shift that I plan to write about in future posts.
19. Finish decluttering the house! A work in progress, with not much progress in January. I will devote a week to this endeavor when my book is with my editor.
20. Indulge my inner child 23 times: I consciously indulged my inner child twice: by buying passes to Universal Studios (so! much! fun!) and by splashing through a creek during my hike with Pippa.
21. Publish 12 podcast episodes: I recorded a podcast episode earlier this week for a different show and I definitely feel the urge to podcast increasing. It’s just hard to crank out episodes when I’m deep in novel revisions.
22. Attend 12 live performances: I saw our school district’s production of Into the Woods at the Pasadena Convention Center with Julian. We only stayed for the first act because after ninety minutes of musical theater, he was getting hangry and restless, but my soul was full and I loved every minute that I got to see. This was the first time I saw a high school production since I myself was in high school, and it was so endearing.
23. Spend 20 hours gardening: I spent 1 hour and 20 minutes gardening in January during two separate sessions. So good for the soul!

Onward! February will be fast — not only is it short, but I’m also running the school book fair – but I hope to make more progress on my 23 in ’23 projects. Stay tuned!

This morning, while I was getting the kids ready for school, my period arrived. I thought three things in rapid succession:

1. What? Already?
2. At least that explains why I’m tired.
3. Hell yes, I picked the best day to schedule a massage.

Last night, I felt deeply tired, like the sort of fatigue that settles in your marrow. I slept beautifully but when I woke up, the fatigue was still there. I figured I was worn out after a few busy days, or was coming down with another cold. It never occurred to me that I was about to get my period, because (a) my PMS prefers to dabble in insomnia, mood swings and cramps and (b) today was supposed to be Day 20 of my cycle.

But my period likes to be mysterious, and has never been regular, so I don’t know why it keeps surprising me. On the bright side, it keeps me on my toes!

I decided it was time to analyze my recent menstrual cycles and luckily had information going back to May 2022 readily available in my Notes App. Between May 4, 2022 and January 24, 2023, my cycles have been all over the freaking place:

• First, a 51 day cycle that started on May 4 and coincided with reducing my Zoloft dose – coincidental?
• Then a 26 day cycle,
• A 29 day cycle,
• And a 28 day cycle — concluding three months, from June 24-September 16, when my menstrual cycle pretended it was regular and predictable.
• Then an 18 day cycle,
• A 38 day cycle,
• A 22 day cycle,
• A 32 day cycle,
• And finally, a 19 day cycle, because my menstrual cycle refuses to be pinned down to a schedule and enjoys being wildly erratic.

This is why I never leave home without a stash of tampons and pads.

I also keep track of my flow. Once again, my period likes to keep me on my toes. Day 2 is typically my day of heaviest bleeding, but in September, November, and January, Day 2 was what I describe as only “moderate flow.” In September, after a “normal” 28 day cycle, my period was super light. I only bled for three days, and never heavily. Then in October, after a quick 18 day cycle, my period returned with a vengeance. Not only did I experience heavy flow on Days 1 and 2, but on Day 5, which is typically very light, my flow was back up to moderate.

Long story short: what the fuck?

It’s time for me to read more about perimenopause and menopause. Those changes/events/transitions might be several years away for me, but I want to enter this next stage of my life consciously and intentionally. I ordered this book off Amazon and will report back soon.

p.s. I actually did have a massage this morning, and it was divine.

Today is my 44th birthday! Happy birthday to me! As I was journaling this morning, I started a list of all the things I’ve done during my forty-four trips around the sun, but making that list actually made me feel icky. I paused, reflected, and realized I was reducing myself to my accomplishments. Accomplishments are nice and all, but are they really the measure of my worth?

I went to hot yoga. As I stretched and breathed, I thought, Maybe I should write a blog post about forty-four things I love about myself. That felt good. That felt right. So here I am, and here I go!

Forty-four Things I Love About Myself

1. My sense of humor
2. My creativity
3. My resilience
4. My willingness to do the work – and by “work,” I don’t mean the things I do as a mom and writer, but the work I do to become the best possible version of myself
5. My capacity for change
6. My eyebrows
7. eyelashes
8. and eyes
9. The way I mother Pippa and Julian
10. My connection to the Unseen and divine
11. My inner voice and compass, guiding me along this crazy magnificent adventure of life
12. My ability to turn the mundane into an adventure
13. My hormones – look, they have given me hell (I’m looking at you, postpartum depression) but they also made it possible for me to create two humans and how bitching is that?
14. Speaking of postpartum depression, I love that I found the strength to kick PPD in the ass and have shared my mental health journey publicly to help others and combat the stigma of mental illness
15. The fact that I am out of fucks
16. My self-esteem
17. But also my new efforts to let my ego crumble
18. My curiosity and never-ending sense of wonder
19. My playfulness
20. My strength
21. and power
22. and unique voice
23. My willingness to admit my mistakes
24. and awareness that I have blind spots, and am constantly making mistakes without knowing it
25. and that I use my mistakes to become a better person
26. My zest for a good project!
27. My capacity for solitude
28. and my ability to connect with other people while being my authentic self
29. My knees! I’m forty-four and they are going strong!
30. The enjoyment I get from a cup of cheap coffee
31. My acceptance of the fact that I’m going to spill something on myself Every. Single. Day, so white just does not belong in my wardrobe
32. But who needs white because I love color!
33. My willingness to take whatever medications I need to feel my best – hello, Zoloft, thanks for all your hard work
34. The way I feel when I’m in the flow of writing and the words glitter as they pour out of me
35. My focus and attention
36. My energy
37. My hands for bringing me so much joy – knitting! writing! cooking! painting! gardening! holy shit, hands are awesome!
38. My introspective nature
39. I AM A NERD
40. The joy I take in learning
41. I am guided by strong beliefs but I also question those beliefs and make sure they are actually mine and not some bullshit thrust on me by society
42. My feelings – okay, this is a work-in-progress, but I am getting better at accepting, navigating and welcoming my feelings.
43. I’m a mighty fine cook
44. As a lifelong bookworm, I just need a book to have an adventure

I saw Austin Kleon’s post about 100 things that made my year (2022) and felt inspired to create my own. For me, 2022 often felt like A Series of Opportunities For Personal Growth, but as I made this list, I realized 2022 was also packed with awesomeness, fun and a lot of love.

1. Thanksgiving. It was the first time I saw my brother, sister-in-law, and nieces since Thanksgiving 2021 and we had such a lovely visit. Plus, so much good food.
2. Celebrating Christmas Eve with my extended family for the first time since 2019. New location, because my aunt and uncle moved during the pandemic, but same delicious lasagna and pink jello side dish (which sounds like it should be awful, but is actually transcendental).
3. The remote control Megalodon All-terrain monster truck that we gave Julian for Christmas.

4. White Lotus, which I didn’t even know existed until a mom casually mentioned it during soccer picture day. Nathan and I went on a bender and inhaled Season 1 and then caught up with Season 2 just in time for the finale.

5. Reading The Measure with my book club in November and pondering what it means to lead a meaningful life. It’s been over a month, but I still keep thinking about this book.

6. Going to Disneyland on Julian’s birthday! The Haunted Mansion decorated a la Nightmare Before Christmas, Julian screaming with sheer joy on Space Mountain, Nathan getting absolutely drenched on Splash Mountain, gorging ourselves on ice cream at our favorite spot on Main Street and then forgetting to feed the children dinner. It was the perfect day.

7. Being an art docent for Julian’s class and leading three fun art projects with the kids.

8. Attending Underwood Family Farm‘s fall festival with my kids, friends and my dad. Always an autumn favorite. (Except the first time Nathan and I ever went, when Pippa was teething and miserable and thought we were monsters for taking her into the corn maze.)

9. Lunch at Banana Bay in Temple City with Nathan. My new favorite Thai restaurant.

10. My mom’s puppy Scout

11. Lunches at Corfu with Nathan

12. The frozen s’mores bars I made during the summer and now I can’t find the recipe! Shit! But I’m pretty sure I just spread fluff and Nutella on graham crackers, stuck it in the freezer, and deliciousness ensued.

13. Dinner at Union with my best mom friends

14. A Christmas Carol at A Noise Within

15. Being a chaperone for Pippa’s fourth grade field trip to see Annie. It was my first time getting to volunteer with Pippa’s class in any capacity since February 2019!

16. Pippa scoring her first goal during a soccer match.

17. Light From Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki. I read a lot of great books in 2022 but this is my favorite of the year. Bonus: it takes place in the San Gabriel Valley and describes the food in mouth-watering detail. Now I want to visit more restaurants in the 626.

18. Another season of The Crown.

19. Indulging in all the royal gossip.

20. Reading The Christmas Pig to both my kids.

21. Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel

22. Smartless

23. Publishing my first novel!

24. Hahamonga Watershed Park

25. Visiting the Renaissance Faire with my sister and kids. The jousting! The ambience! But not the terrible lines for archery!

26. Volunteering at the kinder luau in May, my one and only time volunteering in person with Julian’s kindergarten class.

27. Painting our kitchen cabinets white! An ass shit ton of work but it transformed the room.

28. Moving Pippa into her own bedroom. I painted her room, my first time ever painting a room, and this gave me a lot of confidence in the home improvement department. (See #27)

29. Decluttering.

30. Bridgerton, which I finally got around to binging when I had an awful cold in May. Almost made me glad I was sick.

31. An epic day at Raging Waters with my kids in June, with perfect weather and nonexistent crowds.

32. A family beach day with cousins, uncles, aunts and boogie boarding galore.

33. This purse that I got Pippa for Christmas.

34. Getting a red velvet cake from SusieCakes for our anniversary, exactly like the one we had at our wedding.

35. Visiting the Pasadena Model Railroad Museum’s open house. It’s a model railroad about the size of my house. Wes Anderson really should make a movie about this place. I just thought I’d put that out into the Universe

36. Running our elementary school’s Scholastic book fair. The kids’ excitement was INTOXICATING.

37. The Circus Circus water park. I went down each slide once and will never go down them again, thank you very much, but I was happy to hang in the cabana while the kids had the time of their lives.

38. The Conservatory at the Bellagio. We hit Vegas on our way to Nebraska, deciding it was actually easier to drive to Vegas and fly out of their airport than deal with connecting flights from LAX. I know, we’re crazy.

39. Baby elephants (plural!) at the Omaha Zoo.

40. Watching old Looney Tunes cartoons while working on a cross stitch project at my father-in-law’s house in Omaha.

41. The entire Fourth of July scene in Omaha. #EpicFireworks

42. Spending a day with family at a lake in Schuyler, Nebraska. Kayaking! Floating! The kids getting pulled by wave runners!

43. Lunch at Cracker Barrel in Omaha and then exploring the gift shop.

44. Visiting Scheels in Omaha for the first time so the kids could get “sweet Nebraska merch.” There’s a Ferris wheel inside the store. Enough said.

45. Becoming a leader for Pippa’s Girl Scout troop.

46. The Bad Guys movie. I enjoyed reading the books to Julian but was blown away by how entertaining this was. Nathan also thoroughly enjoyed it.

47. Going on a digital detox for the month of September.

48. Hosting pool parties. S’mores! Guacamole! Fun in the sun!

49. Taking the kids to Philippe’s during a heat wave.

50. The Angkor exhibit and IMAX movie

51. Getting Julian a desk. First, I bought him one at IKEA that was an absolute disaster but IKEA accepted the return of the mangled desk remains, no questions asked. Then, I successfully put together a desk that he loves from Amazon. It was a journey but worth it.

52. Showing my kids Willow for the first time.

53. And Hook. Which has a really low rating on Rotten Tomatoes – pay no attention to that, this is still one of my favorites.

54. The Harbeck family won The Great Christmas Light Fight this year, and their house happens to be in our favorite Pasadena neighborhood for admiring Christmas lights. Of course the kids and I parked the car and got out to admire the spectacle.

55. Enjoying a croissant at Tartine with several friends after dropping our kids off at school. Totally worth the hype.

56. Teaching Julian to read. Special thanks to Mo Willems and Dr. Seuss.

57. Shadows in the Forest is our new favorite board game.

58. But Sleeping Queens also brought us a ton of joy.

59. During a trip to the L.A. Zoo, a chimp climbed up a palm tree, and then leapt back and forth between two trees multiple times while gathering food. A crowd of spectators applauded the chimp’s efforts. It was magical, both to see a chimp fly through the air and to share that moment with a group of strangers.

60. Lunch at Gladstone’s and then a meandering walk on the beach with Nathan.

61. Hosting Halloween at our house.

62. The recipe for turkey meatloaf in the new Smitten Kitchen cookbook.

63. Hosting a Christmas party for Pippa’s fourth grade class. Fourth graders are so civilized!

64. Coaching my kids’ soccer teams. Exhausting and I’m never doing that again, but I’m so glad we have the memories.

65. A neighbor gifted us several avocados and we had an after school guacamole lab. I cannot recommend this enough if you have kids who like to cook. Both kids got to mash their own avocados, dice tomatoes, squeeze lemons, and mince garlic. Then they assembled the guacamole, tasting and adding ingredients as they went. Messy AF but I’ll gladly do it again.

66. Attending my kids’ holiday concert, the first in-person concert since December 2019. Bonus: fourth grade sang first and first grade sang second, and then I snuck out.

67. A lot of amazing memoirs that I listened to while painting cupboards and doing chores, including I’m Glad My Mom Died, Normal Family, and I Was Better Last Night.

68. The Dangerous Damsels series, you’re welcome.

69. Plants vs. Zombies 2 brought me so much joy during the last quarter of 2022.

70. Using my button maker.

71. Taking the kids to Great Wolf Lodge over spring break. The water park! The buffet! The magical quest!

72. NOT sending holiday cards this year.

73. Starting 2022 at the Rose Parade with friends.

74. Shopping with Pippa. I’m not much of a shopper, but her energy and enthusiasm for the mall is contagious.

75. Watching my kids play basketball.

76. Eaton Canyon, especially the time Julian and I went after the rain and splashed around in icy streams.

77. Working at the Little League snack bar: the requests for additional nacho cheese; the parents who thought we could make a cappuccino (only in California, folks); and the guy who asked if the ice cream sandwich was homemade. No, sir, it’s a Little League snack bar; all this shit comes from Costco.

78. Turning a Pokemon piñata into a Snitch piñata for Pippa’s 9th birthday party.

79. The Henry Ford in Michigan. I went to Detroit for my uncle’s funeral, so it was a sad trip, but I went to the Ford museum with my dad, brother, and assorted extended family, and that was amazing. They have the car that Kennedy was riding in when he was assassinated. Also THE BUS on which Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat. And a totally bitching collection of cars, trains, and vehicles. Sad trip, but a good memory.

80. Pippa reaching the top of a rock climbing wall during a Girl Scouts outing. It took her several tries, but my girl would not give up.

81. Our unicorn pool float. Technically Pippa’s, but beloved by all.

82. Walking through a sunflower forest at Underwood Family Farm.

83. This is going to sound lame, but I loved picking up my kids from school. During the 2021-22 school year, everyone had to pick up their kids from car line (you couldn’t park and walk up) UNLESS your child was in kindergarten. Kinder parents parked and walked into school for pickup and I was so grateful I could walk onto campus and chat with Julian’s kindergarten teacher. Now in the 2022-23 school year, parents are allowed to park and pick up their children at the gate. I do this and hang out with several friends, and I am very grateful for these moments.

84. Listening to my kids practice the piano.

85. My hedgehog tape dispenser. The moment I saw it at Target, I knew we were destined for each other.

86. I rearranged our living room furniture and love the new setup.

87. The Milk Street: Tuesday’s Nights cookbook which I bought in April 2021 but used so much in 2022, it has to go on this list.

88. Wordle! Partly I am just a sucker for a good word puzzle, but I also love the daily texts that my dad and siblings send about the game, which might involve abusive memes.

89. My new laptop! I got a new Apple laptop in late January and damn, I needed it.

90. The Wild Unknown Archetypes Deck and Guidebook, which I stumbled across while considering new tarot decks on Amazon. I use it sometimes while journaling and am always amazed by its insights.

91. Hot yoga!

92. The makeover I gave my old office chair. It was a banged-up black leather chair that Nathan brought to our marriage. The seat was torn and oozing stuffing, so I stapled on a fuzzy pink blanket and sprayed the plastic parts gold. The gold paint has worn off the armrests but I still adore the transformation. (I was checking my phone for a photo to share just now and realized, I’m sitting on the damn chair, I can just take a photo now, so here’s a photo of it, six months after the makeover.)

93. The fact that a strip of lights on our Christmas tree stopped working AND I GAVE EXACTLY ZERO SHITS. (See photo above.)

94. Listening to audiobooks while doing chores.

95. Her Majesty’s Royal Coven, which really showed what the fantasy genre can do. I just pre-ordered the second book of the trilogy, which comes out in May.

96. I’ve been slowing working my way through an embroidery sampler from Dropcloth Samplers, along with the accompanying class on Creativebug, and it’s very relaxing and grounding. I love the sound of a needle piercing through fabric.

97. Making homemade strawberry jam.

98. All the snuggles with my children.

99. Knitting everywhere – from softball and t-ball games to PTA meetings and while watching reality t.v. with Nathan.

100. Finally understanding crochet enough to embark on an amigurumi project (a turkey which I did not finish in time for Thanksgiving) and now I have the skills to crochet all sorts of wonderful things for my children in 2023.

Here is a very rough timeline of my year:

January: My Uncle Pete died after a long struggle with dementia. He was way too young and vibrant to die, and nearly a year later, it’s still difficult for me to wrap my mind around this loss.

February 1: My Grandma Shirley died. This was a beautiful death. I got to be there, holding her hand, with my mom and sister, while my grandma died in her sleep. She was 96-years-old and had lived a wonderful, full life. Still, the loss of a loved one sucks and losing a beloved uncle and an adored grandma in the space of two weeks was A LOT.

The first week of February: I was the cookie chair for Pippa’s Girl Scout troop and there was drama because (1) one family broke various rules and (2) there were cookie shortages nationwide. The troop leaders were incredibly supportive and our troop decided to stop selling cookies and share our surplus with troops who didn’t have any.

The end of February: I ran the school book fair at my kids’ elementary school and it was AWESOME. After spending several weeks in the darkness of grief, book fair brought me back to life.

March-May: I found that doing things helped me cope with my grief so I decided to do All The Things. I signed up to be the VP of Volunteers for our PTA, a leader for Pippa’s Girl Scout troop (so one of the leaders could retire), and a coach for both my kids’ soccer teams.

June: I published my first novel. Woot woot!

July: Amazing family trip to Nebraska – first time since the pandemic. Then, while the kids were at camp, I started drafting my second novel.

August: Kids went back to school AND THERE WAS DRAMA AND TOO MUCH TO DO. On the PTA front, I was the VP of Volunteers and since no one volunteered to be the Room Parent Chair, I had to handle that as well. Also, no one wanted to volunteer at school, so recruiting volunteers was like squeezing water from rocks. I had to attend two different training sessions to coach soccer (because the kids are in different age groups) and then I had to beg/cajole/blackmail parents to be referees for their teams.

September: I was too busy from coaching soccer, doing PTA stuff, and getting the Girl Scout year started and felt very frazzled, so I decided to go on a digital detox.THEN MY DAD WAS DIAGNOSED WITH PROSTATE CANCER.

October: Soccer, lots of PTA work recruiting volunteers for the school carnival, and omnipresent concerns about my dad. I ended my digital detox but have not returned to TikTok. I have a much healthier relationship now with IG and FB.

November: Very few parents volunteered for the school carnival AND IT WAS A CLUSTERFUCK. Soccer continued. My dad’s doctors were very optimistic and he scheduled his surgery for mid-December.

December: My dad had his surgery, and the cancer has not spread. Best possible outcome! Soccer ended, and we celebrated the holidays. For the first time since December 2019, we gathered for Christmas Eve with my extended family and feasted upon my Aunt Berta’s amazing lasagna.

Okay, so in light of all that happened, these are the epiphanies I had in 2022:

• Grief Must Be Felt: I went into a self-imposed cocoon in February after the double whammy of my uncle’s and grandma’s deaths, and I needed that time to Feel My Grief, but then I just as much needed the activities of book fair to pull me back into the realm of the living.
• I Love Doing Things: After book fair, I concluded that Doing Things and Volunteering are good for my mental health. They help build my momentum. I decided that since I was enjoying my volunteer work so much, I should do more to strengthen my momentum. I volunteered to be an AYSO coach, take on a bigger role with our PTA, and also be a Girl Scout leader.
• Fake Drama Is A Waste Of Energy: There was a lot of school-related drama in August concerning things like Julian’s first grade teacher, the PTA membership drive and a rumored threat about a school shooting, and this all felt terribly important UNTIL MY DAD WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER. Talk about a kick in the ass to give me some much needed perspective on what matters and what is just fake drama. I realized I was giving too much of my energy to fake drama, which was having a very real impact on my mental health.
• There’s A Huge Difference Between “Doing” And “Being Busy”: Additionally, I realized that while volunteering for All the Things had seemed like a good idea in the spring, this just made me too busy doing things that do not matter to me in the grand scheme of things. I evaluated and reevaluated my life and decided that when my term is up at the end of the school year, I will not volunteer again for the PTA. It’s not the right fit for me, for a variety of reasons, but long story short: I’d rather volunteer directly with my kids’ classes, like as a room parent, and be a foot soldier for the PTA when I’m available. But being on the board of PTA sucked up time and mental energy in ways that just had me busy, rather than doing things that set my soul on fire. In 2023, I want less busyness, more setting my soul on fire. When I was planning my 23 in ’23 I was definitely drawn toward projects that would get me doing just that.
• Managing Other People Drains My Mental Energy: If I look back at the actual hours I spent volunteering for PTA so far during the 2022-23 school year, the actual number is not too high (though it is higher than I’d like). But the mental load has been unbearable because I volunteered for a position that requires me to manage other people and holy shit, I forgot how much I hate managing others. Some people thrive on this sort of work, but I don’t, and I believe the world needs people to do the things that feel authentic to them. My volunteer work with the PTA has reminded me of how I felt as a lawyer: I might have been good at the work, but it left my soul feeling hollow because I was not being true to my authentic self. And when I’m not aligned with my authentic self, damn, that takes a toll on my mental energy.
• I’m Not A Coach: After deciding I’m done with PTA, I realized I also don’t want to be a soccer coach again. I’m glad I did it this year, but once was enough. You know why? I don’t care enough about sports to be a coach! I liked coaching Pippa’s team because I could empower the girls – teaching them about tackling was very rewarding – but I don’t know anything about soccer strategy and more importantly, I don’t want to learn about soccer strategy. Nathan would talk to me excitedly about Pippa’s games and the strategies I could teach the girls and I realized: I just don’t give a shit. I liked coaching Julian’s team because I got to know his peers, but I have also gotten to know his classmates by teaching art lessons to the first graders, which is so much more my jam. I loved playing soccer as a kid, and I love playing soccer with my kids, but that doesn’t mean I have to coach.
• You Can Leave Your Comfort Zone AND Stay In Your Wheelhouse: When I realized I don’t want to be a soccer coach, I had another epiphany: It’s good to sometimes push myself out of my comfort zone, but that doesn’t mean I have to leave my wheelhouse. Was coaching soccer out of my comfort zone? Absolutely. But was it within my wheelhouse? Hell, no! Was becoming a Girl Scout leader out of my comfort zone? Yes! But is it within my wheelhouse? Hell, yes!
• I Need A Buffer: After feeling burnt out by PTA and AYSO, I decided it was time to reread Essentialism by Greg McKeown. The audiobook reminded me of the importance of having a buffer. If we take on as many obligations as we can possibly handle, what happens when the shit hits the fan? And the shit always hits the fan. When I learned my dad had cancer in September, I needed time to process that – but my September was so jam-packed, I didn’t have any time to spare for my feelings! I ended up canceling different obligations, but as I head into 2023, I want to create a buffer. Yes, I have my 23 in ’23, but I know I won’t actually complete all those projects. They are just fun ideas, and just having a 23 in ’23 project energizes me. I will suffer zero guilt when I jettison various prongs of that project. I will explore the 23 in ’23 during the time that creates my buffer; and when I need the buffer to handle Shit Hitting the Fan, I will gladly postpone or quit those projects.
• I Need To Rest And Recharge: The 23 in ’23 are the sorts of things that will help me recharge (I think). As for rest and relaxation, I need to slow down from time to time and chill with a book before my body collapses and my immune system forces me to rest.

2022 was not the easiest of years, but I grew from the challenges I faced and I’m excited to see what magic 2023 will bring.

I enjoyed my 22 in ’22 projects so much, I’m doing it again in 2023! I’m not going to lie: I went back and forth on whether I should attempt 23 in ’23 because I overextended myself in 2022. Long story short, I burnt myself out volunteering for the PTA and AYSO and want to reduce my obligations in 2023. I love doing things, but there is a difference between “doing” and “being busy.” But after a lot of journaling, I decided that I want to attempt 23 in ’23 as a way of getting back to the things that make me feel like my best, most authentic self. Without further ado, here are the 23 projects I hope to tackle in ’23:

1. Attend fifty hot yoga classes: I’d love to attend 100 classes, but 2022 was the year of endless congestion, making it difficult to attend hot yoga as often as I’d like. Fifty feels doable, so I will stick with a number I’m sure I can hit.
2. Track what I eat for 30 days in a row
3. Drink at least 64 oz of water/day for 30 days in a row: Seriously, shouldn’t be that difficult, but I’ve been majorly slacking in this department. The thinking is if I hit 30 days, it will be a habit.
4. Publish my second novel: I’ve made excellent progress and think this will happen.
5. Read 100 books for myself: I track my reading on Goodreads and since I hit this goal as part of 22 in ’22, I thought it would be cheating to include it again in 2023. But fuck it. It’s my 2023, I can repeat projects if I want!
6. Try 23 new recipes: which may or may not overlap with Projects 7 and 8
7. Cook with mushrooms 23 times: I had a project with mushrooms in 22 in ’22 that I did not complete, but I want to try again but this time, instead of trying different recipes, I just want to get into the habit of using mushrooms when I cook.
8. Bake 23 loaves of bread: Same as with mushrooms. I could bake the same loaf 23x. I just want to get into the habit of baking bread because it makes me happy.
9. Make 23 different buttons with my button maker: In 2022, I mastered my button maker. Now I want to see where my creativity leads me.
10. Finish 23 craft projects (not including buttons)
11. Watch 12 different Creativebug classes: I’ve had a subscription for years and have thoroughly enjoyed all the classes I tried. I just want to do this more often. And this will help Projects 10 and 12.
12. Draw 12 times: Because I feel awkward when I sit down to draw but once I get started, I feel so good.
13. Play 23 different board/card games: These can be games I have already played, though I hope to sprinkle in at least a few new ones.
14. Watch 23 movies with my kids: We watched several movies together in 2022, like Willow and Hook, that brought me back to my childhood. This is a great way to relax while connecting with my darlings.
15. Write 23 blog posts
16. Visit 23 new places: Ideally, I’d like to visit a new place every week, but this is a goal that is doable. If we start 2023 off with a bunch of viruses, I don’t want to fall so far behind that I abandon this goal completely.
17. Go on 12 hikes: Solo or with friends or family, doesn’t matter. It would be cool to try 12 new hikes (hello, Project 16!) but I just want to get into the habit of exploring nature on a more regular basis, so if I do the same hike 12 times, that’s fine by me.
18. Do 23 things I have never done before: This will either be (a) an epic fail or (b) the project that inspires a book, there is no in-between. I would really like to FINALLY visit a rock climbing gym for the first time. Other contenders include: play pickle ball; publish an audiobook; donate blood; sell something on eBay; decorate cookies with royal icing; go to drag queen Bingo; wear red lipstick in public; wear a hairdo in public that involves a scarf; geocaching; flip a piece of old furniture; dance in the rain; and try virtual reality!
19. Finish decluttering the house! Bonus: implement practices to keep the house decluttered. Extra bonus: deep clean the decluttered house.
20. Indulge my inner child 23 times: I was going to include “tap dance 23x” and “roller skate 23x” as their own separate projects but realized these are both ambitions of my inner child. So, maybe I’ll end up tap dancing and roller skating to fulfill this project. Or maybe my inner child will ask me to hula hoop, get cotton candy at a carnival, decorate with dinosaurs and pompoms, dance around to Madonna, or memorize a Shel Silverstein poem. Who knows?! I love this project because it will remind me to touch base with my inner child and let her out to romp and play.
21. Publish 12 podcast episodes: Or, at least one, to see if this something I want to get back to doing. In the past, I was always so happy and satisfied when I finished a podcast episode. Plus, it was another way of figuring things out. But then I got a new laptop and transferring my files seemed like too much work, blah blah blah. Let’s see if 2023 is the year I podcast again.
22. Attend 12 live performances: I took my children to see A Christmas Carol at A Noise Within in Pasadena, and it was EXTRAORDINARY. In September, we saw Oklahoma! with friends. My soul felt so full and effervescent from both these shows. I want more of that in 2023.
23. Spend 20 hours gardening: Nature and fresh air are so good for my mental and spiritual health.

At the beginning of 2022, I picked twenty-two projects that I wanted to work on during the year. I knew that I would never finish all twenty-two, but this is my process. By picking a bunch of projects, I keep my momentum going and I get to see what sticks. Let’s see what projects I actually finished in 2022!

1. Knit Christmas Stockings: I never got around to this and this ambition has actually become an in-joke between Pippa and me. This is what I learned: at this stage of my life, the last quarter of the year is insanely busy – Soccer! Halloween! Julian’s birthday! School carnival! Thanksgiving! Christmas! – and I have minimal time for Christmas crafting. If I want to make Christmas stockings, I have to start much earlier in the year. For example, January.

2. Catch Up On Family Photo Albums: Oh look, another project that I did not even begin. But I have been uploading and organizing my photos on Shutterfly, so that’s a start – right?

3. Set the Kids Up With Their Own Bedrooms: YES! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I moved Pippa into her own bedroom in January, and both kids’ bedrooms have come along nicely. Julian now has his own desk, and both kids have soft rugs. 

4. Paint the Kitchen Cupboards: Yes! This took a lot longer than I expected (closer to two months than the three school days I budgeted) but I finished painting them in early summer and I loooove the results. It was an ass shit ton of work but I’d do it again in a heart beat.

5. “Finish” Decluttering: I made progress! Huge progress! I would say I am 80% done with this project. I just need to finish our basement. I enjoy decluttering so much that this will be an ongoing practice for me. Also, I’m much less interested in stuff now that I’ve gotten rid of so much. I could really write a book about decluttering, but let’s keep going so I actually finish this blog post.

6. Deep Clean the House: The house is clean but hasn’t been as deeply cleaned as I would like. Once I catch up with decluttering, I’ll tackle this. Hello, Spring Cleaning 2023, I’m looking at you, wink wink.

7. Publish My First Novel: HELL YES, I published Confessions of an Imposter Room Mom in June 2022. 

8. Write the Rough Draft of My Second Room Mom Novel: I finished this! I am deep into revisions. Working title: The Great Preschool Fiasco. I finished my first round of revisions earlier this week, so now I am going to take off the rest of 2022 and enjoy the winter break with my children.

9. Go Boogie Boarding Five Times: I only got around to doing this once, but it was so much fun. 

10. Get a Ping-pong Table: Negative, and upon further reflection, I do not actually want a ping-pong table. Or rather, I want a ping-pong table in theory, but only if we had an enormous house with a game room. We just don’t have space for one at this time. Sure, I could get a collapsible table and put it in the garage, but that would cramp up the space and be a major production, and then the ping-pong table would be a source of guilt. Plus, can you imagine the ways my children would get hurt by a collapsible ping-pong table in the garage? The Novak family really doesn’t need another reason to visit urgent care, thank you very much. I am, however, glad I put this on my 22 in ’22 list because now I can let that desire go.

11. Read 100 Books for Myself: I am going to hit this goal by the end of the year. I’ve already read 101 books this year, but that includes Matilda and The Christmas Pig, which are books I read aloud to the kids. I’m nearly done with three other books though, so I’ll probably actually read 101 or 102 books for myself by the end of 2022.  

12. Cook with Mushrooms – try twelve new recipes: I tried two or three new recipes. I would like to try something along these lines in 2023 again. I adore mushrooms and need to get over this mental block I have with cooking with them.

13. Use My Button Maker: Yes! I have used my button maker plenty of times. I made buttons for all the teachers at our elementary school at the beginning of the year, and most recently, I used it for Pippa’s class party. All the kids got to make buttons to give to their parents for Christmas. The button maker was one of those things that was intimidating at first but once I took it out and watched some YouTube tutorials, it was really quite easy to use.

14. Get A New Enamel Pin Every Month: Mission accomplished! I adore the collection I now have of enamel pins and will continue collecting one enamel pin each month in 2023. I have not yet ordered my pin for December. I meant to buy a Christmas-y pin but forgot to order it in time, but now I get to ponder and muse (and maybe obsess a bit) and pick Something Spectacular.

15. Learn How To Play The Super Mario Bros. Theme On The Piano: I got the sheet music and played it once. That’s a start, right? Julian ended up claiming the book of Super Mario sheet music as his own. He loves playing piano and his goal is to play the music in the Super Mario Bros. book, so now I don’t want to learn how to play this music because it will steal some of his glory. #Motherhood

16. Create Another Graphics Heavy Book: This didn’t happen. My muse wasn’t interested.

17. Learn A Tap Dance Routine To Footloose: This one completely fell off my radar.

18. Decorate With Pompoms: Ditto.

19. Go To Hogwarts At Universal With Pippa: This didn’t happen. Instead, our family of four went to Disneyland for Julian’s birthday. My sister and I have secretly scheduled a trip to Hogwarts for January 3. Julian is coming as well because we’ve finished the fifth Harry Potter book. So I guess I’m missing this goal by three days. Oh, well!

20. Study Carl Jung: I actually started this! And then abandoned it.

21. Put Family Photos in Seasonal Frames: Nope. I didn’t have the bandwidth for this one, but it’s still something I would like to eventually do.

22. Get A Posh Trash Can For Our Kitchen: Yes! Nathan hates it but I love it. I even get a thrill from cleaning it.

Okay, so let’s review: I finished eight of my 22 in ’22 projects. Not bad! I also made significant progress on Decluttering the House, and the trip to Hogwarts is on my calendar.

A few lessons I learned:

• Our house does not have room for a ping-pong table, so getting one would actually detract from my happiness.
• I need to do Christmas crafting during the first nine months of the year.
• I can plan and scheme, but I can’t control my muse.
• Mushrooms are delicious.

At the end of August, I was feeling frazzled and decided Too Much iPhone was eroding my mental health. I decided to go on a “digital detox” during the month of September.

My original ambitious plan was:

• No TikTok
• No Instagram
• No Facebook
• No checking email on my iPhone – I could check email once a day, on my laptop
• No scrolling Pinterest on my iPhone, but I could do targeted searches on my laptop
• I would only check text messages every few hours.
• I did not set any rules about YouTube because I don’t have a YouTube problem. I only use the app when I want something specific.

Over the past twenty days, here is what has happened:

• I have not checked TikTok once and I don’t miss it at all. In fact, my stomach just flopped at the thought of checking it again in October. I might never log in again.
• I have not checked Instagram once, but I do miss posting. When the detox is over, the first thing I’m going to do on Instagram is delete most of the accounts I follow and pare the list down to the accounts that really inspire me. Then I’ll decide on a schedule for posting and looking at my feed – maybe once or twice a week?
• I have not checked Facebook, and I don’t miss it, but it is a convenient way to share photos of my kids with far-flung relatives. I will log back on in October and seriously edit my Friends. I have a lot of “friends” who are not actually friends. Then I will bookmark the groups that are helpful (mainly ones pertaining to Girl Scouts) and check Facebook at most, once a week.
• No checking email on my phone: this has worked 50%. I deleted my gmail app and no longer check PTA emails on my phone, which is AMAZING. PTA is volunteer work. Why should I be wasting mental energy checking that email account several times a day? But as for my main personal email account- it turns out that as a matter of convenience, I need to check email on my phone. So I have not been strict on this piece of my digital detox, and that’s okay. I think most of the mental frenzy was being whipped up by TikTok, IG and FB.
• No scrolling Pinterest on my phone: I broke this rule within 24 hours but every day, I feel myself less and less interested in Pinterest. With TikTok and IG out of my life, I’ve been reading and crafting more. Now when I reach for my phone for Pinterest, I get bored very quickly and realize I would rather read a novel.
• Text messages: I check more frequently than I originally planned, but like Pinterest, this doesn’t feel like a problem. I also feel more and more comfortable with leaving text messages unanswered.
• YouTube continues to be a non-issue for me.

Interested in a digital detox? I highly recommend Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life In A Noisy World by Cal Newport. I listened to the audiobook during the first week of my digital detox and it filled me up with inspiration and validated my instinct to breakup with TikTok, Facebook and Instagram.

After a long hiatus, Adventures With My Forties Is Back!

Why was I gone for several months? Because I lost my podcasting momentum.

My uncle died January 16; my grandma died February 1; and my brain shut down for the month of February. I rested. I cried. I rested some more and journaled and talked to friends. And then, I came out of the fog in March and reengaged with life. I got back to writing and volunteering at school. I embarked on some ambitious DIY projects. But I had a big old mental block against podcasting.

The day before my grandma died, I got a new laptop. All the files and programs I use for podcasting were saved on the old clunker, and transferring files to the new laptop was overwhelming when I was in the grief trenches. As I emerged from grief, it still seemed like too much. How could I record a podcast episode without the proper intro? But ugh, that meant booting up the old laptop…

So I procrastinated and the longer I waited, the more daunting it felt to return to podcasting.

Then yesterday, my inner muse announced, We’re recording a new episode, fuck the intro.

So here I am: same podcast, sans intro. It’s a new way for me to embrace imperfection.

Speaking of imperfection, that’s the topic of Episode 33. On Father’s Day, the kids would not stop bickering and I lost all of my shits. It was not my finest hour of parenting. If you listen to the episode, then you’ll hear my reenactment of Me, Losing All My Shits. (I told Pippa we were never going to Disneyland again. Like I said: All Shits Were Lost.)

After I cooled down, I apologized to my kids. We hugged and I explained that while they had behaved poorly, I overreacted.

Basically as soon as I apologized, my guilt kicked in. Why am I such a horrible mother? Why did I lose all my shits? They are just kids. They can’t be perfect.

Then I remembered: I can’t be perfect, either.

My kids are entitled to my mistakes.

If I never make mistakes, then I’m teaching my kids that they cannot make mistakes. But mistakes are a necessary and vital part of life. We have to embrace mistakes if we want to try new things and go on adventures.

When I put pressure on myself to be the perfect mom, I try to remember and ask myself, Is this what I want for my kids? Because if I put this pressure on myself, I am teaching them by example to put the pressure on themselves as well.

I am not raising perfect kids. I am raising gloriously imperfect humans.

The good news is that when I lose all my shits, I have the opportunity to apologize to my kids. I get to show them how to mend and repair relationships. They get to learn, through experience, that we can screw up and not be banished to hell.