I was room parent for Pippa’s kindergarten class last year, and I have been reprising that role for her first grade class. I never really thought of myself as room parent material, but I actually enjoy the work.

Teacher Appreciation Week is the week of May 4. For weeks, I had it on my radar but could not wrap my mind around what Teacher Appreciation Week might look like while we are distance learning. Last year, we did everything in person. The kids brought flowers, cards and sweets, and I brought in a big cake to end the week. How the eff could we manage any of that from home?

But a week ago, a few ideas started to take shape. This morning, I finally emailed my ideas to the first grade parents.

1. I asked everyone to have their kids fill out the form that is in this blog post by The Suburban Mom. Parents will then email me photos or pdf’s of the finished forms (that talk about what they like about our first grade teacher) and I’ll collate them into a single PDF. Now, this time next week, I might be cursing myself for adding this item to my To Do list. Or, the other parents might be cursing me for adding something to their lists. But hey, it feels good to try.
2. We have been having online class every morning, so I suggested the kids each pick a flower and bring it to “school” on Monday, May 4. Then they can all “give” the flowers to the teacher. It’s not the same as an in-person plant or bouquet, but it might turn into a sweet photo if we can get all the kids to hold up their flowers at the same time. I also suggested that kids draw a picture of a flower if getting outside to find a dandelion feels like too much. Crazy times, folks! Let’s keep a low, low, low bar.
3. That’s it! But I also suggested that for kids who are looking for ways to keep busy, they can make cards or write paragraphs about what they miss about school during quarantine. Then they can take photos and send to our teacher.

I thought about sending an online gift card to Amazon or Starbucks (Pippa’s teacher is obsessed with Starbucks), but I figure I’ll just gather money in May by Venmo for an end-of-year gift.

I emailed the class an hour ago, so fingers crossed that I do not get too much hate email in response.

But I’m glad I tried. It felt beautifully normal. If Covid-19 had not blown up the school year, then right now, I would have been organizing Teacher Appreciation Week. It felt damn good to ignore the quarantine, put on my Room Mom hat for a few minutes and do exactly what I would have being doing this week, quarantine or not.

This is what I know right now: as a California resident, I am practicing “safer at home” until May 15. Even if we are allowed to start going places in mid-May, Pippa’s school year is effectively over. She is doing distance learning for the rest of first grade.

It is tempting to think beyond May 15.

Will the “safer at home” order be extended? Will some of the restrictions be lifted? When? When? WHEN?

But when I start down that line of questioning, my anxiety starts to heat up. My skin tingles unpleasantly and my blood races.

That’s when I force myself to take a deep breath and stop thinking about the future.

Full disclosure: it is so tempting to wonder about life beyond May 15. It feels like if I wonder about it long enough, the answers will magically appear. But no amount of speculation on my part is going to result in the answers I seek. All I will manage to do is make myself feel crazy.

I’d like to know if my kids will be able to go to summer camp. I’d like to know if we’ll be able to visit the zoo and have friends over for pool parties. And I would really, really, really like to know if my kids are going to attend school during the 2020-2021 year, and if so, what their school year will look like. And I want guarantees! Give me the freaking answers, written in blood, notarized and witnessed by Lucifer himself.

But all I can do is ground myself in the present moment.

Right now, we have enough.

Right now, we are healthy and safe.

Life is always uncertain. Shit can and will happen whenever it damn well pleases. Right now, though, the uncertainty of life is just a little less subtle that it usually is. Uncertainty is usually an itty bitty mouse lurking behind a curtain. If you did not think to look behind the curtain, you would not even know it’s there. But with Covid-19, uncertainty has morphed into some huge beast that shredded the curtain and started rampaging all over the world. It’s kind of impossible not to notice it.

Right now, we are all living with the same awareness of the uncertainty of life. That’s actually pretty cool when you think about it.

It’s also pretty shitty. We are all living with a profoundly unsettling amount of uncertainty. But the uncertainty is rampaging out there, in the future. It’s not here in the present moment. So if I want to stay calm(er), I just have to breathe and focus on right now.

Inhale.

One day at a time.

Exhale.

One moment at a time.

Inhale.

One breath at a time.

Exhale.

When the time is right, the answers will come.

And someday, we will be able to talk about the pandemic in the past tense. It’s okay that I don’t know when that day is, and it’s okay that the uncertainty is making me uncomfortable.

This pandemic is like a crash course in the uncertainty of life. When this is over, I am going to have so much perspective. Flat tires? Pimples? Unexpected traffic jams? Bring! It! On! At least when this is over, I am going to kick ass at shrugging off the smaller uncertainties of life.

Sleep is the foundation of my mental health. I learned this the hard way in 2013 when I had postpartum depression and suffered from insomnia. The insomnia did not start until June 2013, about three months after Pippa was born. Before the insomnia kicked in, I was definitely experiencing many symptoms of postpartum depression: especially anxiety, obsessive compulsions (like checking locks), extreme guilt, and of course, depression.

But once the insomnia started, that’s when shit got dark. It was not long after the insomnia started that I fell into despair, thought my life was over, daydreamed about being put in a coma while the doctors figured out what was wrong with me, and started having intrusive suicidal thoughts.

And then, once I was hospitalized and started taking Zoloft and Mirtazipane and got some decent sleep, I started to recover so quickly, it still takes my breath away to think about it. One afternoon, I was waiting with my husband in the ER, convinced I was broken beyond repair. Three mornings later, I felt as if I had been reborn.

Long story short (but hey, I wrote a book if you want the long story), I know firsthand how much sleep affects my mental health.

Now that we are sheltering-at-home during the Covid-19 pandemic, there is no way I am going to fuck around with my sleep.

Here is what I have been doing to get enough sleep:

• I am taking my Vitamin B supplements. Which reminds me, I forgot to take my lunch dose. Hang on… (I need TONS of Vitamin B because I have a genetic mutation that makes it difficult for my brain to process Vitamin B. I wrote about that last month in this post.)
• After the kids go to bed, I watch t.v. with Nathan but t.v. goes off by 9 p.m. Okay, 9:10 p.m. if we are watching something good. Maybe 9:15 if it’s Tiger King. But seriously! I need to get away from the television as close to 9 p.m. as I can manage.
• I then attend to my bedtime supplements. First, I take two tablets of SLEEPSolve 24/7 . Then, I mix a quarter teaspoon of this magnesium powder with hot water and drink it as a sort of bedtime tea. And lastly, I take 7.5 milligram of Remeron. (And duh, I’m not a doctor. Check with your doctor, blah blah blah. I need more magnesium but hey, you might not!)
• Then I write for a few minutes to get any nagging thoughts out of my head and on to the page. I also make sure I have prepared my bullet journal for the next day.
• And lastly, I read until I am too exhausted to read another word. This usually happens around 10 p.m.

I mentioned in this March post that I am probably read to wean off Remeron (a.k.a. Mirtazipane) because I am finally getting the Vitamin B that I need. But hey-o, weaning off an anti-anxiety medication during a pandemic does not seem like the best idea!

This is not the time to be brutal with ourselves and think, I should be able to sleep without medication or I should just suck it up and deal with being tired. This is a time for being tender and gentle with ourselves and do everything within our power to get enough sleep. (I mean everything that is healthy! Gah!)

About a week ago, I had a shit lousy day because the kids woke me from a deep REM sleep. I had slept nearly 8 hours, and should have felt great, but they barged into my room while I was still in dream land. And when that happens, I feel groggy, cranky and disgusting all day. Also, dehydrated. Does anyone else feel dehydrated when they don’t get enough sleep?

So after feeling groggy all day, I went to bed thinking how badly I needed a good night’s sleep. Well, as soon as sleep feels like an issue, it becomes an issue. Of course I had trouble getting to sleep. Instead of passing out at 10 like I usually do, I tossed and turned and tossed some more until past 3 a.m. And then once I finally got to sleep, I still woke up every hour to toss a little more. Because you know, I had not tossed enough during the first half of the night.

I felt exhausted all day for the second day in the row. Though my exhaustion was actually not as bad as the prior day’s. For me, being woken from REM sleep is like 10x worse than just not sleeping enough. (Jeez, it’s like I’m trying to make it easy for someone who wants to kidnap and torture me one day.)

So that night, I decided to take 15 mg of Mirtazipane instead of my usual 7.5. (I have done this many, many times with my psychiatrist’s full approval. I actually took 30 mg after both my pregnancies. You have to know what works for your body before you tweak your medication dose. My doctor and I have discussed that when I am stressed or anxious or just suffering from intense PMS, I can and should take 15 mg of Mirtazipane. Please don’t just double the medication you are taking because that’s what Courtney did. Ok, lecture over.)

I slept like an angel.

For five nights, I took 15 mg of Mirtazipane because I knew I was having some anxiety over not getting enough sleep. And right now, in the midst of a pandemic, is not the time to try to tough it out. Actually, when it comes to sleep, my philosophy is: it’s never the time to tough it out. Get your sleep! Stigma be damned! Take whatever medication or supplements you need! Sweet Jesus!

Then, on the sixth night, I checked in with my intuition, and my intuition told me, Just 7.5. mg tonight.

I paused and thought, Are you sure?

My intuition told me, Yes, so I shrugged and took 7.5 mg and slept as angelically as I had for the previous five nights. That was two nights ago. Last night, I again took the regular schmegular 7.5. mg and slept beautifully. I assume I will take 7.5 mg again tonight, but I make no guarantees. This adventure changes hour by hour, so something (anything!) might rev up my anxiety. And if my intuition tells me to take the 15 mg, then I will listen.

Because as much as things change during this adventure, here’s the one thing that never changes: I need my sleep!

I love you.

Truly, I love you and I miss your extroverted exuberance and I can’t wait to see you in person and maybe ugly cry for a bit.

But.

The first day that my kids go back to school/camp (whenever that may be, let’s just pray it is sooner than later).

As much as I love you.

As much as I miss you.

I’m going to need to spend that day alone.

Because I am an introvert, and that means I get my energy from my Alone Time. And lately, there has been a severe deficit in that department. Even when I get to sit alone and write in my bedroom, there is often the sound of children fighting not ten feet from where I sit. Or sometimes a child bursts into the room while sprinting to the bathroom. Or comes to me distraught because a bumped finger is in dire need of a boo boo kiss (or amputation is likely). So the Alone Time I am getting is not quite as alone as I need it to be.

I NEED TO SPEND A WEEK IN A GODDAMN SENSORY DEPRIVATION TANK. CAN I GET ONE ON AMAZON? IS PRIME DELIVERY AVAILABLE?

So when the kids go back to school/camp (whenever that may be, holy shit I know life is uncertain but maybe we could dial the uncertainty back from an 11 to a 4 – we’d all still get the point!).

As much as I love you.

As much as I miss you and your extroverted exuberance. (Truly, it’s infectious and I’m not being snarky. Introverts need extroverts!)

I am going to need to spend at least a day alone in my house. Shaking a little as I detox from all the overstimulation.

We can have lunch on Day 2, okay?

With love and a little dash of insanity,

Your introverted friend,

Courtney

We are living through an unprecedented moment in history, so holy effing eff, I do not know how to do this. Because no one knows! We are all figuring this out as we go. Fortunately there are some inspirational podcasts sharing timely advice. Here are some episodes that I have found to be especially helpful during The Great 2020 adventure:

• I could list several episodes from Unlocking Us With Brené Brown but Brene on Anxiety, Calm + Over/Under-Functioning was very helpful.
• Same for Awesome with Alison, but I have to especially recommend Episode 118, Don’t Make Assumptions (During a pandemic?!)
• Yesterday I listened to #239 How To Go Easy on Yourself in A Pandemic on Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris and damn, I will be listening to several more episodes of that show over the next few weeks. Or maybe all of the 200+ episodes!
• The Creative Penn posted an episode on April 12 called How to Stay Creative in Difficult Times With Mark McGuinness. Highly recommend to all my fellow creatives!
• On How Do You Write, episode 176 dives into writing during a pandemic. That episode is called Katie Forrest on Time Management for Writers During a Crisis.
• On The Story Grid, the March 26th episode, Phere and COVID-19, tackles the pandemic from the perspective of storytelling.
• I have just discovered The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos. I really enjoyed her episode called Coronavirus BONUS: Laurie’s Personal Tips. The tips were really great!
• And if you like the enneagram, check out the first episode of Enneagram Mapmakers with Christopher Heuertz. It’s the one called Covid-19: Thoughts on Solidarity and Self-Care in Uncertain Times. This one was so good, I might need to listen to it again soon.

I have also been binging Even the Rich, which is not about mental health or writing. It’s about really rich but dysfunctional families. In other words: brain candy! Oh universe, do I need brain candy. But I only have two episodes before I am caught up. Panic! Crisis! I desperately need more shows like Even the Rich that will distract me and help me forget, for just a little bit, that we are living Groundhog Day: The Pandemic Edition.

Shit, I may just have to try the Tiger King podcast.

A few days ago, it occurred to me that someday, I will actually want to look back and remember the things we did during The Great 2020 Adventure. Maybe my kids will need to write essays about this experience when they are in high school and college. Maybe I’ll write a book about this someday. Or maybe I’ll just want to remember for the sake of remembering the event that shook (and paused!) the entire world at the same time.

So yesterday, I opened a new document in Word, named it My Covid-19 Captain’s Log, and started writing. I have only been keeping this log for two days, but so far, this is what I’m writing about:

• The weather! Seems so trivial, but hey, it can really affect our mental health.
• A paragraph about what Pippa did
• A paragraph about what Julian did
• A couple sentences about Nathan (He’s not as interesting at the kids)
• A paragraph about the highlights of my day

And that’s it! It’s simple and quick. I am also going to use my emails to construct a timeline, e.g. when our schools closed, when we were under orders to shelter at home, and when we had to start wearing face masks to essential business.

I am not locked into this format. Yesterday, I ordered stamps online because we have been sending so many letters. I wrote about that. In regular life, the purchase of stamps does not seem like a big deal; but right now, for me, it does. Today, I wrote a few sentences about our breakfast because we have been eating banana pancakes 4-5 each week – it’s like our Covid-19 breakfast mascot!

But in ten years, will I remember that we ate banana pancakes almost every day during quarantine? My brain is pretty overloaded these days because everything is so weird and new, not to mention the global collective anxiety. With all the days bleeding into each other, how many actual memories will my brain be able to collect? And honestly, what the hell did I have for breakfast 10 years ago? Shit, I don’t know! If I can’t remember what was happening in 2010, a year that was very ordinary for me, how will I remember these details for 2020 in 2030? (Ah! Too many numbers! My brain is shuddering!)

With the Captain’s Log, my brain will not have to remember the details. One day, when my kids have questions about life during quarantine, I’ll just print up the document and let them read my memories. Hey, this might be a habit that I continue after quarantine lifts.

p.s. I do journal every day, but journaling is very freestyle for me. Sometimes I write about things that happened, but usually, I write more about feelings and issues that I’m working on. I’ll be keeping my journals as well! But those are not for public consumption, thank you very much.

We have been social distancing and living at home for over a month now, and there are many things I miss. For example: going places! And: seeing people! And: don’t get me started because if I get into specifics, holy shit, I’ll be writing all night!

But as we live through The Great 2020 Adventure, there is space and time for new activities. And you know what? I’d like to continue doing a lot of these activities when The Great 2020 Adventure is over. For example:

• Gardening! We usually plant a few things in the spring and then forget to water them … not this year! We planted basil from the grocery store and then planted all the seeds I could find in the garage: flowers, zucchini, cucumbers, and pumpkins. We have an avocado pit suspended over water near the aquarium and a plastic bag greenhouse with bean seeds taped to the window. (Preschool sent us the greenhouse project but it’s right here if you want to try.) There is a pineapple top drying out (that gets planted in a few days) and we are trying to grow a tree from a pinecone. Nurseries are still open in California, so I’m hoping to secure some more seeds and soil in the near future.
• Snail Mail!Oh, how I adore snail mail. It’s the thing that is often on my list of New Years Resolutions, and it’s the resolution that always gets abandoned by January 4. But Pippa has been writing letters to school friends, and Julian likes to dictate letters to his cousins. We spent a lovely hour this afternoon preparing letters with sticker sheets for friends. I think I’m going to start writing letters to my friends as well.
• Home Cooked Meals! We have been cooking a lot more than usual and discovering a lot of healthy and delicious recipes. I will be very excited when I get to sit down in a restaurant and order food off a menu again, but I suspect Nathan and I will be doing less take out even after this adventure ends.
• Dance Parties! I bought a cheap disco ball off Amazon and the kids love to have dance parties. The disco ball was especially helpful when we had a week of endless rain and the kids were going stir crazy. Dancing lifts all of our spirits.
• Music! I play music in the car but I often forget to play it when we are home. Well, now that we are always home, and almost never have cause to be in the car, I’ve been making an effort to play music that makes me happy.
• Phone Calls! Remember that thing we used to do before we had cell phones and texting? I actually enjoy texting my friends a lot. It’s especially convenient with young children underfoot. But I’ve been talking once or twice a week with one of my best friends from college, and I hope we continue our phone calls when this is over. I’m also trying to call my grandma 2-3 times each week and I’ll try to continue that as well. It just feels good to be connected!

I think we have found our sheltering-at-home rhythm. We might lose that rhythm at any time! But new habits, like writing letters and working in the garden, are taking root and giving meaning to our days. We are slowly figuring out the things we need to do to thrive during The Great 2020 Adventure. Our shelter-at-home order is currently scheduled to end May 15, and it would be amazing if that actually happens (oh please oh please oh please) but if the order is extended, I know we will be fine.

We just might need more stamps!

Right now, I am sad and just letting myself feel my sorrow.

My friend’s dad died today (not from Corona), and I don’t know when I’ll get to hug her. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to send flowers since florists are not an essential service where her parents live. There are so many moments lately that make my heart ache. You think I’d eventually go numb but instead, I feel more and more deeply.

For nearly seven years now, I have been working to become a better version of myself. A lot of that work has involved getting comfortable with my feelings. I spent most of my life avoiding my feelings, and I know that I have to basically let myself get naked with my feelings if I want to feel authentic and whole.

But there is still a part of me that wants to avoid my feelings. As I work to become a better person, and try things like therapy and meditation, I think that on a subconscious level, part of me is hoping to find a way to transcend my feelings. Like, if I can find the right mixture of yoga, meditation, prayer and journaling, I will never again have an uncomfortable feeling.

But that’s not going to happen, is it?

And would I even want that if it were possible?

If I eliminated all the shitty feelings that come with the human experience, wouldn’t I eliminate the glorious ones as well?

Right now, I want to feel the sadness. I don’t want to bury it with chocolate or transform it with meditation and prayer. I just want to feel sad because someone I loved lost her dad and empathy is a beautiful part of being human.

I am sad, and that’s okay.

If you have been reading my blog during The Great 2020 Adventure, you might think I have been devoted all of my free time during this pandemic to thinking deep and weighty thoughts. I’d like to take a moment (or blog post) to disabuse you of that notion.

Yes, I have been seeking meaning and transformation while sheltering-at-home. I have been letting my emotions race across me like a wildfire, burning away my illusions of control and certainty, laying bare some issues that had been lurking in my subconscious. I value the work of becoming my best self, and this adventure has certainly afforded me with plenty of opportunities to push myself to a higher level.

But most of the time, I am just trying to distract myself from the Covid-19 shit show.

Let’s break down the amount of time I spend on reflection, contemplation, rumination and personal growth:

• I journal every day for about 30 minutes. This is a practice I have been doing for over six years now. It’s the foundation of my mental, emotional and spiritual health. But it’s only a half hour. After 30 minutes, my hand craps out (I journal with pen and paper) and I’m done. And even if I could build up some hand muscles (is this even a thing?), 30 minutes is my ceiling for meaningful journaling. After that, I might as well be writing broccoli wombat furbenny blah.
• I meditate for ten minutes. Eventually, I’d like to meditate for longer but “eventually” is not happening anytime soon.
• I write a blog post, usually in the afternoon, for about 30-60 minutes. Blogging usually only takes 30 minutes but once a week or so, it takes a full hour.
• Most days, I read something in the self-help and spirituality genre. During pre-Corona life, I could easily read one of these books for 2-3 hours if I had enough time. But since we have started sheltering-at-home, I have plenty of time for reading, but I can only read inspirational books for maybe 20 minutes before my brain collapses.
• I also listen to podcasts when I am doing chores and walking alone. I enjoy podcasts like Unlocking Us by Brené Brown and Awesome with Alison, that are helping me process my feelings about and responses to The Great 2020 Adventure. But I can only handle these inspirational podcasts for one hour each day. TOPS. Any longer, and you can actual see the cerebral fluid leaking out of my ears.

Adding it up, I spend 2.5-3 hours every day in “reflection and rumination” mode. But there are 24 hours in a day! Lately, I have been sleeping about nine hours each night (which is at least an hour more than I usually do, but damn, I need my sleep). But I’m awake and conscious for 15 hours every day, and I’m only spending 2.5-3 of those hours thinking, pondering and seeking meaning.

I love The Work of personal growth and transformation. As my kids get older, I can see myself spending more time in this area. But during the pandemic, I have limited mental capacity for deep thought. Most of the time? I just want to be diverted!

My pandemic diversions have included:

• Tiger King on Netflix
• The Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals on YouTube
• Survivor, one of my favorite t.v. shows
• And the list is longer, but my brain is so tired I just can’t remember…
• Oh! I bought myself People magazine at Vons and I think I’m going to buy more magazines because they are just about right for my brain’s attention span.

I was washing dishes an hour ago and thought I should listen to something inspirational but my brain said, No, don’t bother. So I tried the first episode of the Even the Rich podcast, and it was heaven. It was just the right mix of fluff and wit. The hosts are diving into stories about wealthy family dynasties. The first episode was about Harry and Megan and I realized I know very little about the couple. (Are they formerly royal? Royal adjacent? Royal light?) I highly recommend it if you like podcasts and just need some brain candy.

I am going to actively seek out more diversions for my brain. Like right now! I think I have spent more than enough time writing a blog post. It’s time to work on my novel, which is the first book in a fantasy series about a bastard princess who can do magic. It’s a fun distraction, and damnit, right now I need all the fun distractions I can get.

p.s. I just thought of another favorite diversion: #iMomSoHard. I’m going to watch one of their videos now before I turn my attention to my novel. #priorities

I was listening to the Awesome with Alison episodes about The Four Agreements, and Alison suggested thinking about the way my life has “padded the fall” of living through this pandemic. This is a lovely idea that I have kept returning to again and again, so of course, I’m writing a blog post about it.

As I write this, we have been sheltering at home for a MONTH with at least another month to go. It is strange and weird, draining and isolating, stressful and emotional – need I go on?? But as tough as this experience has been, my life is full of blessings that are definitely making it easier to live (and sometimes thrive!) during The Great 2020 Adventure. As Alison says, these blessings have “padded the fall.”

• Our Neighborhood: We live in a safe, flat neighborhood that is great for taking the kids on walks, scooter rides, and rollerskating outings.
• Our house: We have a house with three bedrooms, a living room, a den, and two bathrooms. In other words, we are able to get some space from each other. The front yard is big enough for the kids to play soccer. We might even get to use our pool next week when Pasadena gets some temps in the high 80s.
• Books: I have amassed quite a lovely library of books for the kids.
• Working appliances: Our dishwasher died last December, so hallelujah, we have a brand new dishwasher!
• My mindset: I have been working on my personal growth ever since I was diagnosed with postpartum depression in July 2013, so I have a lot of beliefs and attitudes that are making it easier for me to accept the current situation.
• Sidewalk chalk: We have tons of sidewalk chalk leftover from last summer. I hear its tough to get chalk these days! I’m glad we can adorn our sidewalk with colorful art.
• My therapist: I have a long-established relationship with my therapist and we have been able to continue video sessions through this pandemic.
• Vitamin B: I learned a few months ago that I have the MTHFR genetic mutation and need a special Vitamin B supplement. I started the Vitamin B supplement and have been sleeping so much better.
• No chronic pain: My shoulder went out in January 2019 and I spent pretty much all of 2019 working through that pain. I last saw my osteopath in December 2019, just before Christmas, and my shoulder has felt great ever since then. I feel so bad for anyone living with chronic pain during this adventure.
• My hobbies: I have hobbies! So! Many! Hobbies! Knitting, cross-stitch, doodling, paining… These hobbies help me calm down at the end of the day.
• Craft supplies: And I have craft supplies! So! Many! Craft Supplies! I have been meaning to declutter my hoard of yarn, felt, beads, thread, paint, glitter, and in the not so distant past, kept bemoaning my lack of time to declutter. And now: thank god! I have all the supplies my kids could possibly need to make it through this quarantine.
• This one is weird but bear with me: Last year, Julian’s school had to unexpectedly close from late March until mid-September when there was asbestos contamination. I gained about 23 pounds from stress eating. And those 23 pounds inspired me to examine my relationship with food and come to terms with my tendency to eat to numb my feelings. I learned how to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and now, I find that I am only occasionally stress eating during The Great 2020 Adventure. If the preschool asbestos situation had not forced me to confront my emotional eating issues, damn, I would have probably gained 50 pounds during the pandemic.
• Noom: About two weeks before Pippa’s school closed, I signed up for the app Noom. It’s a healthy eating program created by psychologists and after coming to terms with my emotional eating, I needed to address the psychology of my eating habits. I am still doing Noom and have lost about eleven pounds to date. Woot woot! I am so glad I had already established the habit of using Noom before the shit hit the fan.
• Meditation: I have had an on-again, off-again relationship with meditation for years, but I finally got into the groove of meditating about a year ago with the Calm App. I start most mornings with a ten minute meditation and I know meditation is keeping me sane during this unprecedented moment in history.

I could go on and on. The more I think about the things that have cushioned my experience of the Covid-19 crisis, the better I feel. I look around and see all sorts of things as blessings – like my dishwasher! When our old dishwasher crapped out during the Christmas holidays, I felt cursed. Now with enough time and perspective, I see that the timing was actually a blessing.

When “real life” returns, I hope I can remember that things which seem like curses might eventually transform into gifts and blessings.