At the end of August, I was feeling frazzled and decided Too Much iPhone was eroding my mental health. I decided to go on a “digital detox” during the month of September.

My original ambitious plan was:

• No TikTok
• No Instagram
• No Facebook
• No checking email on my iPhone – I could check email once a day, on my laptop
• No scrolling Pinterest on my iPhone, but I could do targeted searches on my laptop
• I would only check text messages every few hours.
• I did not set any rules about YouTube because I don’t have a YouTube problem. I only use the app when I want something specific.

Over the past twenty days, here is what has happened:

• I have not checked TikTok once and I don’t miss it at all. In fact, my stomach just flopped at the thought of checking it again in October. I might never log in again.
• I have not checked Instagram once, but I do miss posting. When the detox is over, the first thing I’m going to do on Instagram is delete most of the accounts I follow and pare the list down to the accounts that really inspire me. Then I’ll decide on a schedule for posting and looking at my feed – maybe once or twice a week?
• I have not checked Facebook, and I don’t miss it, but it is a convenient way to share photos of my kids with far-flung relatives. I will log back on in October and seriously edit my Friends. I have a lot of “friends” who are not actually friends. Then I will bookmark the groups that are helpful (mainly ones pertaining to Girl Scouts) and check Facebook at most, once a week.
• No checking email on my phone: this has worked 50%. I deleted my gmail app and no longer check PTA emails on my phone, which is AMAZING. PTA is volunteer work. Why should I be wasting mental energy checking that email account several times a day? But as for my main personal email account- it turns out that as a matter of convenience, I need to check email on my phone. So I have not been strict on this piece of my digital detox, and that’s okay. I think most of the mental frenzy was being whipped up by TikTok, IG and FB.
• No scrolling Pinterest on my phone: I broke this rule within 24 hours but every day, I feel myself less and less interested in Pinterest. With TikTok and IG out of my life, I’ve been reading and crafting more. Now when I reach for my phone for Pinterest, I get bored very quickly and realize I would rather read a novel.
• Text messages: I check more frequently than I originally planned, but like Pinterest, this doesn’t feel like a problem. I also feel more and more comfortable with leaving text messages unanswered.
• YouTube continues to be a non-issue for me.

Interested in a digital detox? I highly recommend Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life In A Noisy World by Cal Newport. I listened to the audiobook during the first week of my digital detox and it filled me up with inspiration and validated my instinct to breakup with TikTok, Facebook and Instagram.

After a long hiatus, Adventures With My Forties Is Back!

Why was I gone for several months? Because I lost my podcasting momentum.

My uncle died January 16; my grandma died February 1; and my brain shut down for the month of February. I rested. I cried. I rested some more and journaled and talked to friends. And then, I came out of the fog in March and reengaged with life. I got back to writing and volunteering at school. I embarked on some ambitious DIY projects. But I had a big old mental block against podcasting.

The day before my grandma died, I got a new laptop. All the files and programs I use for podcasting were saved on the old clunker, and transferring files to the new laptop was overwhelming when I was in the grief trenches. As I emerged from grief, it still seemed like too much. How could I record a podcast episode without the proper intro? But ugh, that meant booting up the old laptop…

So I procrastinated and the longer I waited, the more daunting it felt to return to podcasting.

Then yesterday, my inner muse announced, We’re recording a new episode, fuck the intro.

So here I am: same podcast, sans intro. It’s a new way for me to embrace imperfection.

Speaking of imperfection, that’s the topic of Episode 33. On Father’s Day, the kids would not stop bickering and I lost all of my shits. It was not my finest hour of parenting. If you listen to the episode, then you’ll hear my reenactment of Me, Losing All My Shits. (I told Pippa we were never going to Disneyland again. Like I said: All Shits Were Lost.)

After I cooled down, I apologized to my kids. We hugged and I explained that while they had behaved poorly, I overreacted.

Basically as soon as I apologized, my guilt kicked in. Why am I such a horrible mother? Why did I lose all my shits? They are just kids. They can’t be perfect.

Then I remembered: I can’t be perfect, either.

My kids are entitled to my mistakes.

If I never make mistakes, then I’m teaching my kids that they cannot make mistakes. But mistakes are a necessary and vital part of life. We have to embrace mistakes if we want to try new things and go on adventures.

When I put pressure on myself to be the perfect mom, I try to remember and ask myself, Is this what I want for my kids? Because if I put this pressure on myself, I am teaching them by example to put the pressure on themselves as well.

I am not raising perfect kids. I am raising gloriously imperfect humans.

The good news is that when I lose all my shits, I have the opportunity to apologize to my kids. I get to show them how to mend and repair relationships. They get to learn, through experience, that we can screw up and not be banished to hell. 

February – wow. First, I was leveled by grief over the deaths of my uncle and grandma. Then, supply chain issues made Girl Scout cookie season extra special (and I was the cookie chair!) And then, I ran the book fair – which was AWESOME, but needless to say, February was a blur of chaos and feelings.

March was better on the grief front, but still busy. So here I am, mid-April, checking in on my Twenty-two in ’22 Projects.

1. Knit Christmas Stockings: Still haven’t started or thought about picking a pattern – but, I have started sewing more and strongly suspect I’ll whip up stockings on my sewing machine instead.

2. Catch Up On Family Photo Albums: Still yet to finish one.

3. Set the Kids Up With Their Own Bedrooms: This mission was accomplished in January. I could never have tackled it in February.

4. Paint the Kitchen Cupboards: Excuse me while I laugh hysterically. Though seriously, I think this will eventually happen – but first, I want to paint our living room.

5. “Finish” Decluttering: I RECLAIMED THE GARAGE. This. is. huge. The garage looked like it had been ravaged by a tornado. Just this morning, I hauled a trunk load of office and craft supplies to Remainders, Pasadena’s arts and crafts thrift store.

6. Deep Clean the House: I want to finish decluttering first.

7. Publish My First Novel: My editor finished her review of my draft and sent me a note with suggestions at the end of February and my novel is in excellent shape. Revisions are well under way. After I finish revisions on my end, I’ll hire a cover designer. Not sure how long that process will take but my first novel should be published by Labor Day.

8. Write the Rough Draft of My Second Room Mom Novel: I am not going to do this until the first is fully revised, but the way revisions are going, I expect I’ll get this done over the summer.

9. Go Boogie Boarding Five Times: This one’s for summer.

10. Get a Ping-pong Table: Now that the garage is decluttered, I can actually do this!

11. Read 100 Books for Myself: According to Goodreads, I’m two books behind schedule. I’m flying to Michigan on Thursday for my uncle’s belated funeral, and suspect I’ll be on track by the time I get home.

12. Cook with Mushrooms – try twelve new recipes: I don’t know why I have a mental block against cooking with mushrooms, but I do. In March, I got through the block and sautéed mushrooms for dinner using a Mark Bittman recipe in How To Cook Everything. It was simple and delicious. Then I tried a recipe for a sausage and mushroom pasta dish from Milk Street’s Tuesday Nights (my favorite cookbook) so I’m on track.

13. Use My Button Maker: This happened! It was so fun! I have lots of schemes and dreams for my buttons.

14. Get A New Enamel Pin Every Month: I have being doing and loving this. So far, I have collected Golden Girls (January,), Forget-Me-Nots (February), a sloth (March) and sewing machine (April).

15. Learn How To Play The Super Mario Bros. Theme On The Piano: I got the sheet music and played it once. Not going to beat myself up.

16. Create Another Graphics Heavy Book: Maybe during the summer? I hate to force a project, so I’ll see what my muse wants me to do.

17. Learn A Tap Dance Routine To Footloose: I actually tapped a bit in March but instead of Footloose, I was learning a fun routine to a Bruno Mars song. (Damned if I can remember which…)

18. Decorate With Pompoms: First, I want to finish decluttering.

19. Go To Hogwarts At Universal With Pippa: Not yet, but my sister and I keep talking about it. I think May is our month.

20. Study Carl Jung: Ooh, forgot about this one completely, but I should bring the book with me to Michigan.

21. Put Family Photos in Seasonal Frames: Yeah, I need to finish decluttering before I can tackle this.

22. Get A Posh Trash Can For Our Kitchen: Still haven’t done this because I’m cheap about these things and inflation is so bonkers and seriously, how can I think about an expensive trash can when the plastic one works and gas prices are insane??

I probably won’t finish all these projects, but my momentum is going strong and that’s the whole point. Onward!

p.s. Way too lazy to proofread this so apologize for spelling and grammatical errors.

I have not posted since mid-February, and since I always feel self-conscious after a long blog absence, I thought I’d dive in with an omnibus update about all the happenings, musings and shenanigans that have happened since my last post.

On The Novel Front:

I hired an editor in early January, sent her my manuscript and received her very helpful comments at the end of February. Long story short: my novel is in awesome shape! I spent March working on her substantive suggestions, which mainly involved some character development and fixing a minor plot issue.

Now I am working on a “language pass” to clean up my writing. I have often heard about ProWritingAid on the Creative Penn podcast and decided to give it a whirl. IT IS FREAKING AMAZING. At the end of my one week trial, I happily signed up for a year subscription and now I’m about 30% through my language pass.

When I’m done with this revising pass, I’m going to take a break from my novel for at least two weeks, maybe more. My editor suggested I get out of my writing brain, so I’ll probably use that time to paint something (definitely the living room, possibly the kitchen cupboards, and there’s a wall in the garden screaming for a mural).

Then, I’ll read my manuscript again for proofreading.

Hire a cover designer.

And publish my first novel!

WHICH IS SO EXCITING I COULD DANCE BUT I’M WRITING THIS AT AN INDOOR PLAYGROUND SO I’LL CONTROL MYSELF AND JUST USE ALL CAPS EXCESSIVELY!!!

Sports Mom Life:

My life as a sports mom began last fall with AYSO Soccer. I was a referee for Pippa’s team. (Julian insisted he didn’t want to play until two weeks into the season.) I thought soccer was intense. Rookie mistake.

In early January, both kids started YMCA basketball and had a lot of fun. They both wanted to play baseball in the spring, so I signed Julian up for tee-ball and Pippa for softball. I assumed these sports would start in March after basketball.

Nope.

Pippa had softball try-outs in mid-January and had her first practice at the end of January. Julian’s tee-ball coach started practices in early February. So for the month of February, we were a two-sport family with practices for basketball, softball, and tee-ball, and Saturday basketball games. Pippa’s softball team usually practiced twice. It was intense, I was already worn out with grief after my Uncle Pete’s and Grandma Shirley’s deaths, and I resented tee-ball/softball for intruding on basketball season.

But we made it. Basketball season ended, and now the kids are “just” playing softball and tee-ball. Pippa’s regular season actually ends this Sunday!

I could write a lot more about sports mom life. I’ll probably eventually write a sports mom spinoff from my room mom series. Just one school year has given me SO MUCH MATERIAL.

Book Fair:

Last summer, before I knew I’d have kids playing basketball and softball/tee-ball in February, I volunteered to be our elementary school’s book fair chair. I ran many book fairs at the kids’ preschool and felt called to this work.

This book fair was extra special because it was the first time I got to volunteer on campus in nearly two years. It was over a month ago, and I still get chills remembering how good it felt to be on campus and see children running around.

Oh, the kids. The kids LOVED book fair.

I’ve already agreed to run next year’s book fair. Who cares if it coincides with double sport season?? So what if between set-up, previews, closing and the actual fair, it takes two weeks of my life? IT WAS EXHILARATING. I am a writer and a bookworm, and my two weeks running book fair were utterly intoxicating.

Other PTA Stuff:

I’ve been the Room Mom Chair at our school this year which has been a lot of fun. I volunteered to be on the Nominating Committee to fill the slate for next year’s PTA. The work for this committee happened in February – and I am starting to see why I stopped blogging in February. Basketball and baseball, book fair, PTA… But I had fun with the other two moms on the committee, exchanging memes as we begged, cajoled, and harassed parents to join the PTA.

I also volunteered to be the VP of Volunteering. I guess I should admit to myself that I love volunteering at school.

Hot Yoga:

I only made it to three hot yoga classes in January and then did not make it to a single hot yoga class in February. BUT I AM BACK. January and February were intense and I was almost always congested. I missed hot yoga, and I am so glad to be attending classes again.

In fact, that reminds me to sign up for class next Monday…

Climb Out of the Darkness:

The Climb Out of the Darkness is an international event that raises awareness about maternal mood disorders. I led Team L.A. several years ago but then backed away from the commitment because #MomLife. Then I realized that with my kids getting older, I actually have the brain space and energy to lead another Climb Out of the Darkness team. So this year, I’m spearheading Team Pasadena.

Operation: Reclaim The House:

I made a lot of progress decluttering. There is still plenty of work to do, but I’m enjoying the journey.

Girl Scouts:

I was the cookie chair for the 2022 season, which ran from late January through mid-March in Los Angeles County. It was an epic season, thanks to supply chain drama. I enjoyed the work, but I’m not going to do it again next year.

Because I’m going to be a troop leader.

Yep, that’s right: I am going to be one of the leaders for Pippa’s troop. Officially, each troop has two leaders. The leaders who have been running the troop are burnt out (hello, pandemic!) so I’m jumping in as the main leader. One will retire (she deserves a break), and the other will be there to back me up and support me.

I am so excited.

I loved being a Girl Scout, Pippa loves being a Girl Scout, and this just seems like the natural next thing for me to do. As I mentioned above, the kids are getting easier and I have more brain space for these sorts of activities.

Also, my momentum just gets more and more powerful the more I do, and I’m finally accepting the fact that I thrive when I have lots of different projects and activities.

Okay, I do believe that’s enough updating for one post!

Next, I need to record a podcast episode and get back into that routine as well.

Whew, here are the show notes for Episode 32: Grief Sucks, But I’m Getting Better At Accepting Its Embrace.

As the title suggests, I am in the throes of grief: my grandma died on February 1, and my Uncle Pete died January 16. They were both amazing people whom I adored and their loss is profound. I haven’t found the words yet to describe my grief. I probably never will.

But in this episode, I tried my best to talk about grief, mourning and death. And looking back, I can see I am better at handling grief now at the age of forty-three than I was back in college when my cousin Kym and Grandpa Phil died. Grief sucks, but I am pleased to see that I am allowing myself to experience it this time. (Whereas in college, I mostly denied the grief, pretended I was over their respective deaths, and ate a shocking amount of ice cream.)

In the coming weeks and months, I will probably write more about death, mourning and grief. I’m a writer; writing helps me figure out big things; and these two deaths are huge.

But for now, this is about all I can manage in the way of show notes. I do, however, highly recommend Joan Didion’s memoir The Year of Magical Thinking. I read it in between my uncle’s and grandma’s deaths, and I loved it.

At the end of 2021, I created a list of twenty-two projects to keep my momentum strong in 2022. Here’s my progress one month into the year:

1. Knit Christmas Stockings: I haven’t started or even thought about picking a pattern

2. Catch Up On Family Photo Albums: I am yet to finish one.

3. Set the Kids Up With Their Own Bedrooms: YES! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I still have plenty of decorating to do, but the kids have their own bedrooms and everyone is thrilled.

4. Paint the Kitchen Cupboards: No, but I painted Pippa’s new bedroom and this has given me the confidence to (eventually) tackle the cupboards.

5. “Finish” Decluttering: I made progress! But there’s still an ass shit ton of work to be done.

6. Deep Clean the House: I need to finish decluttering first though I did deep clean some kitchen appliances which was enormously satisfying.

7. Publish My First Novel: I hired an editor and sent her my manuscript. I should receive her edits in early March so HELL YES, I am well on my way to accomplish this goal.

8. Write the Rough Draft of My Second Room Mom Novel: I am not going to do this until the first is fully revised.

9. Go Boogie Boarding Five Times: Nope. Mama doesn’t boogie board in Southern California in January.

10. Get a Ping-pong Table: negative. Have to declutter the garage first.

11. Read 100 Books for Myself: I read eight books all for myself in January and am on track to hit 100. (I also read 85% of the Mighty Robot series with Julian, but those don’t count!)

12. Cook with Mushrooms – try twelve new recipes: I don’t know why I have a mental block against cooking with mushrooms, but I do. Last week, though, I got through the block and sautéed mushrooms for dinner using a Mark Bittman recipe in How To Cook Everything. It was simple and delicious. Tonight I am trying a recipe for a sausage and mushroom pasta dish from Milk Street’s Tuesday Nights (my favorite cookbook) so I will end the month ahead of schedule.

13. Use My Button Maker: Oops, this was on my Want To Do list every week, but I was so busy setting the kids up with their own rooms, it didn’t happen.

14. Get A New Enamel Pin Every Month: For January, I got myself a Golden Girls enamel pin and wore it regularly on my favorite green cardigan. Not sure what I’ll add to my collection next month but I am leaning toward either Schitt’s Creek or Frida Kahlo. Except a wombat would also be cute. And then again, something lovey-dovey for February feels appropriate…

15. Learn How To Play The Super Mario Bros. Theme On The Piano: I got the sheet music and played it once. That’s a start, right?

16. Create Another Graphics Heavy Book: I am brainstorming ideas for this. Working Title: The Irreverent Room Mom’s Guide To Cupcakes, School Politics And World Domination. Alternate Working Title: How To Be A Room Mom Without Having A Nervous Breakdown: The Somewhat (Completely) Irreverent Guide. Either way, looks like I need to learn how to spell ‘irreverent.’

17. Learn A Tap Dance Routine To Footloose: This one completely fell off my radar but I still think 2022 is my year to tap.

18. Decorate With Pompoms: All my decorating energy went into Pippa’s new Harry Potter room but this will be great when I finish decluttering.

19. Go To Hogwarts At Universal With Pippa: Not yet.

20. Study Carl Jung: I actually started this!

21. Put Family Photos in Seasonal Frames: Yeah, I need to finish decluttering before I can tackle this.

22. Get A Posh Trash Can For Our Kitchen: I just spent way too much time considering my options on Amazon. And bought nothing. Because apparently I can’t pull the trigger on a freaking trash can.

In sum:

• I completed one project.
• Eight projects are under way.
• And I have not started the rest.

I am very happy with my progress, and my momentum is going strong. Onward!

I did it! The kids have their own bedrooms!

Here is a shot of PIppa’s room as she left it before school this morning:

The bed is unmade and her pajamas are on the floor but hey, the door was closed and if I don’t have to see the mess, who cares? There is still plenty of work to do:

• Her desk chair is on the way from Amazon. I’ll have to assemble that. In the meantime, she’s borrowing my old chair.
• She wants a bulletin board.
• And a peg board.
• And a waste basket.
• Not pictured, but I have to fix the blinds for one of her windows.
• Her closet, also not pictured, does not have doors. The old sliding mirror doors were TREACHEROUS and I stashed them in the garage years ago. Pippa is going to pick fabric and I am going to make curtains for the closet. Spoiler alert: they will most likely be HP curtains.

But my daughter has her own bedroom, and she was happier yesterday than she has been in ages. She was in and out of her room, decorating, inviting people to visit, and then kicking us out. Giving PIppa her own bedroom is a major step in Operation: Reclaim the House, because now, instead of creating messes in every room, Pippa is limited to one space.

Julian’s room is looking very empty because shh, it was 80% Pippa’s room. Julian lived in his pack n’ play for two years and when he was able to climb out of it, we just moved him into Pippa’s room. He slept on a mattress. That was on the floor. For at least a year. His dressesr was in a different room. There was no space for any of his toys. #secondchild

I’ll write more about both kids’ rooms as my work on Operation: Reclaim The House continues.

But for the next couple of weeks, the kids’ rooms are on hold while I declutter the rest of the house. I’m! Sick! Of! The! Clutter!

From the Department of Half-Assed Show Notes:

I already wrote about Operation: Reclaim My Life so darling, if you want to read about it, just hop over to that post.

Because as I mentioned: the six-year-old is home distance learning.

And these show notes are only happening because of YouTube.

But shit, I need the kid to make a little progress on his packet of worksheets.

Le Sigh.

Onward!