At the beginning of the year, I started my 24 in ’24 project which I described in Episode 41 of Adventures With My Forties. Here is the list of the projects I hoped to tackled in 2024, and in this week’s episode, I discuss what I actually accomplished. Spoiler alert: I didn’t cross many items off my list because the magic of my Read Around the World quest and Brazil intervened (but I’m not complaining!)

I shall return to these show notes after the Chaos of the Holidays and update with a proper transcript but I just wanted to leave this here so at least you have the links to my original list. Okay! I must go finish the last few chores that stand between me and Christmas in Nebraska!

For Denmark, I read The Copenhagen Trilogy: Childhood—Youth—Dependency by Tove Ditlevsen, translated from the Danish by Tiina Nunnally and Michael Favala Goldman, and wow wow WOW. (Just imagine I wrote “wow” about four billion times.) What an extraordinary memoir.

The Copenhagen Trilogy brings together three memoirs that were published as separate books. Childhood describes Tove’s childhood in a working class neighborhood in Copenhagen with a dad who is frequently unemployed and a mother who is narcissistic, manipulative, and cruel. Youth describes the time after her confirmation, when she goes to work at the age of 14, and starts dating and having sex. Dependency begins with her first marriage (loveless, sexless) spans her second and third marriages, during which she becomes addicted to prescription medication, and ends with her fourth marriage. 

Tove Ditlevsen wrote a stark, matter-of-fact confessional memoir that says the things we usually do not care to admit to ourselves. I just opened my copy at random and noticed this quote:

It bothers me a lot that I don’t seem to own any real feelings anymore, but always have to pretend that I do by copying other people’s reactions. It’s as if I’m only moved by things that come to me indirectly. I can cry when I see a picture in the newspaper of an unfortunate family that’s been evicted, but when I see the same ordinary sight in reality, it doesn’t touch me.

The Copenhagen Trilogy, p. 94.

The memoir does not shy away from uncomfortable subjects, including two illegal abortions, addiction to pain medications, and unfulfilling sex. She describes these matters so bluntly, almost with a medical precision, that reading this memoir at times felt like the literary equivalent of jumping into Arctic waters. Your soul shudders from the shock. Yet her writing style is so compelling, I was happy to dive deeper and deeper into those frigid waters, paddling around the the raw, intimate details of Ditlevesen’s unhappiness.

This is not the sort of survivor memoir that inflates your heart and leaves you believing anything is possible. It will instead shred your soul and live it in ribbons– ribbons which are poetically arranged, but ribbons nevertheless. And yet… there was something about this memoir, with all its anguish and aching loneliness, that left me craving more. It felt perhaps like an antidote to the all-too-pervasive social media that presents perfect glimpses into influencers curated lives.

There is a lot more Tove Ditlevsen in my future. Especially whenever my soul yearns a good cathartic shredding.

For Czechia, I read R.U.R. (Rossum’s Universal Robots), the play that introduced the world to the word “robot.” The play was written in 1920 by Karel Čapek. I read an edition translated by Paul Server and Nigel Playfair that was first published in 2001.

When I read the elevator pitch for this book — a sci-fi play that introduced the word “robot” — I knew I had found my pick for Czechia. I have a long love for sci-fi, especially robot stories, that started when my dad introduced me to Isaac Asimov’s Foundation series when I was in high school. Fun fact: the author did not actually coin the word “robot.” His brother Josef suggested the term, deriving it from a Czech dialect word for “drudgery.”

Being a play from the 1920’s, R.U.R. has the dialogue and vibe of a musical from the 1940s, minus the singing and dancing (though a chorus line of scientists dancing the can-can would have fit in nicely with the play’s second act.) I absolutely adored R.U.R. and its commentary on the issues surrounding artificial intelligence. Despite being over a century old, the play is still relevant and I recommend it to anyone with even a passing interest in sci-fi.

As of the time of this post, R.U.R. is in pre-production for a new Hollywood adaptation which I will definitely be seeing.

Coming soon: A transcript for this episode!

But, in the interest of avoiding a “burnout relapse,” I’m not creating the transcript today. Or tomorrow. Honestly, the proper show notes will probably not arrive until after the 2024 holiday season.

Which reminds me: Happy Holidays!

The title says it all: this week, I describe the tools I used to heal from my case of epic burnout.

Coming soon: the transcript! But it’s Thanksgiving week; my kids are off from school; and we have so many family activities happening, it’s a small miracle I even remembered to post this episode. Baby steps.

This is Part One of a three-part miniseries about the epic burnout I experienced in 2023.

Coming soon: the transcript! I am finally going to level up my podcasting game and include transcripts for my episodes (insert wild applause here!) I’ll post that transcript here as soon as I get my act together.

To be honest, I should have recorded this episode a few weeks ago before Halloween but hey, better late than never. Ever year, as I head into the cozy chaos of the holiday season, I like to give myself a pep talk so I don’t lose my mind over gingerbread houses and gift wrap. The key message for this year’s pep talk is encapsulated in the episode title: How to Sleigh YOUR Holidays and Deck FAKE holidays.

Because it’s easy to forget, but these are YOUR holidays.

And much of the stress that surround your holidays? FAKE! FAKE! COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY F-A-K-E FAKE!

First, let’s remember that these are YOUR holidays:

• We all holiday differently, because we have different interests, passions, traditions and histories. So how do YOU holiday? It’s not about what someone on social media does. Or your neighbor. Or that movie or that Pinterest board or whatever. What makes the holidays truly special for YOU? 
• Don’t get sucked into the vortex of comparing your holidays to someone else’s. Those other folks? They are doing what works for them for their unique reasons, and they have all sorts of private drama and issues going on that we don’t even know about, and if we want to get really cynical, we don’t even know if what they are doing is working for them. Just because they look like they enjoy creating a thousand crochet gifts does not mean they actually enjoy creating a thousand crochet gifts. They might be having the time of their life or they might be secretly miserable.
• Don’t get hijacked by someone else’s agenda. Most importantly, remember: companies are looking to make money! Do you really need brand new matching stockings, pillows, and Christmas tree skirt, or are you just being influenced by the ads that assault us every time we log onto social media? Likewise, do you really want to spend weeks turning your front lawn into a winter wonderland or are you just competing with the neighbors?

Second, pay attention to whether stress is real or FAKE.

• Beware of the word “should” because it gets thrown around a lot, but there’s a huge difference between “I should get eight hours of sleep” and “I should bake twenty different types of gourmet cookies and then stay up all night addressing holiday cards.”
• Think about your values and what you really want out of the holidays. When you are getting stressed about something, ask yourself, Does this align with my values? Or am I getting sucked into someone else’s values or agenda?
• Remember: holidays bring out our innate human weirdness. Emotions get heightened. Please please please, give yourself space and grace for your feelings. But remember: the world will not end if your kid accidentally pees on Santa’s lap while taking holiday photos.

Note to self: when I get whipped into a frenzy and start to panic over really dumb things (it’s inevitable), I need to listen to this episode (even if it is really weird to listen to my recorded voice!)

Another note to self: Pippa and Julian love making gingerbread houses but BUY THE KITS AT WALMART and embrace the fact that this tradition will end in architectural chaos. No snowman will actually be harmed when the gingerbread roofs collapse beneath the weight of gumdrops.

I embarked on my Read Around the World quest on October 24, 2023 and as of the one year anniversary of my quest, I’ve read 49.75 books – which puts me at just over 25% done with my quest, since I’m using a list with 197 countries. I do believe that deserves a “HELL YEAH!!!!!!” in all caps with a series of wild exclamation marks.

To commemorate this milestone, I’m reflecting and ruminating on the magic of reading around the world for this week’s episode of Adventures With My Forties.

• It is just incredible how much has happened in one year. When I started this quest, I honestly thought it would be a dud and would fizzle out after a few countries because the books would be dreary and tedious and feel like homework. NOPE. Overall, the books have been amazing, and this project has turned into a bonified adventure. I now have a Brazilian side quest and I’m taking Portuguese lessons and oh, I’ve been to BRAZIL for a literary festival. I’ve gone from 300 followers on social media to over 44K on IG and over 60K on TikTok. I thought there was no way I’d want to write a memoir about this quest, but now, I don’t know how I can fit this entire experience into a single memoir.
• I love this quest’s ripple effect. I can only really evaluate the impact this project is having on MY life but sometimes I hear about its ripple effect. On a recent post, someone commented that because of my project, they read Wild Swans, became really interested in China, and now they are going to China next year. And who knows how that person will inspire others? I’m just in awe of the ripple effect.
• Listen to your muse, folks. Or your inner voice. Or your curiosity. Because the universe can imagine things we don’t even know we should be dreaming. Did it ever occur to me to be a bookfluencer? Or that people would be interested in my project? Or that I would get to go to Brazil? 
• We need to leave time for the magic. I’m going to go into this deeper in an upcoming episode but long story short, I was spending so much time volunteering for my kids’ school and activities that I did not have time for my muse to work her magic.
• Don’t let other folks hijack your agenda. I discussed this in Episode 35 but bottom line, I’ve learned to hit the pause button before accepting a new commitment, and question, Is this for me or is this for someone else? 
• Just start already to build your momentum. This is a big project. Obviously. But when I kept thinking about how long it would take, I got scared. I had to finally just start, not knowing how long it would take, or what I would read, or even whether I’d be able to find and gather books for every country. I had to just start to create momentum. Now, this might not work for every big ass project. e.g. might want to do a ton of planning if you are going to sail around the world. (Please do a ton of planning if you are going to sail around the world!) But if your dream is to renovate your house all by yourself, then just go for it. Start with the project that is shouting at you. You don’t have to budget everything or have the perfect Pinterest board or gather all the supplies. Just get going. 
• This project has triggered a lot of my people pleaser/perfectionist tendencies. I think that’s an issue of mine that is going to keep popping up in my life in different contexts but I’ll get better at spotting it and managing it. But this has been such a great arena to work on my people pleaser tendencies because I believe it is important to read what you feel called to read. Not what will impress your friends. Or what the bookstore says you should buy. Or what you think you “should” read. But with reading, holy shit, people have strong opinions and sometimes, folks get upset/disappointed with my pick for a country. In the past, my concerns about annoying people would have paralyzed me, but I am committed to reading around the world and so through this process, I’ve grown immune to comments on social media. Now I can pick what I want and share what I read and accept that when folks criticize my picks, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or have failed. Besides, how can I fail? This is my project!!!
• I have learned to accept love. I have received so much love from Brazil. At first, that love was overwhelming because there was some part of me that didn’t feel worthy of so much love and support. This is something that I want to stay curious about. I am still reflecting on this and learning from it and letting it open my heart and make me a better person. I wish I could wave a wand and give everyone the love I have felt from Brazil. 
• I am embracing adventure! I am showing up and keeping an open mind. I’m so lucky to have a husband who fully supports this. When the Jewish Museum invited me to speak at their festival in São Paulo, I hesitated but he immediately said, YOU HAVE TO GO. 

I’m so excited to see what happens with the next year of my Read Around the World quest. Onward!

Confession: I made this episode as a pep talk for future Courtney. In the not so distant future, my Read Around the World quest will reach the I’s, and the I’s include Israel, and folks on social media have some strong opinions about Israel. People have already suggested I should skip Israel. I won’t be skipping Israel because (1) I’m Jewish and (2) that really defeats the purpose of the project. I’m trying to expose myself to new voices, not limit those voices based on political beliefs; and if I start eliminating countries based on political beliefs, what will be left? Maybe Luxembourg? 

Long story short: when I reach Israel, I’m bracing myself for a deluge of hateful comments.

So for this week’s episode, I gave myself a pep talk about how to handle the hate that shows up in the comments section of my social media posts. I reflect on what I’ve learned so far, so that when the hate shows up in my posts, I can be resilient and not get scared away by some nasty trolls. 

Books/teachers I mentioned during this episode:

(1) Don Miguel Ruiz and The Four Agreements, one of my favorite books.

(2) Byron Kate and The Work – I’d suggest reading one of her books first, and then trying The Work for yourself. It’s been incredibly healing and productive for me.

For Cyprus, I read Selfie and Other Stories by Nora Nadjarian. Nora Nadjarian is an Armenian–Cypriot poet and short story writer who writes in English, Armenian, and Greek. I didn’t find any information about a translator in my edition, so I’m guessing she either wrote this in English or wrote it first in another language and then translated it herself.

When I was picking a book for Cyprus, I found two authors who were born there and have books available in English: Nora Nadjarian and Alex Michaelides. I had already read two of Michaelides’ novels: The Maidens and The Silent Patient. I LOVED both of those books and will eventually read The Fury, but in the interest of broadening my horizons, I picked Nadjarian for my quest.

Selfie and Other Stories was a short, fast read which I really appreciated because it was the seventeenth of eighteen books for the C countries, and I was eager to cross the C’s off my list. There’s just something so satisfying about being able to say I’ve finished the ABC countries. Like,I now truly believe that I will finish this quest in the foreseeable future. I was committed to this quest long ago, back when I was reading a collection of short stories for Afghanistan, but now that I can say I’m on the D countries, I feel like I can speak about this project with more authority and confidence.

But I digress!

I enjoyed Selfie and Other Stories but it did not leave much of an impression on me. As I read it, I enjoyed the overlapping, sometimes mingling stories, but I’m struggling to write about it now because I don’t remember much of what happened. Partly that’s my fault, because I finished the book a month ago, but mostly it’s because the stories were a bit gauzy and hazy. When a story is truly memorable, then I can recall its contours years later.

But perhaps that was the point of this collection. Maybe it was meant to be hazy and gauzy, like handfuls of sand falling through your fingers. Or, maybe I just had “literary short story fatigue,” which is obviously not a medical condition but should be. Before Cyprus, I read My Favorite Girlfriend Was A French Bulldog for Cuba, which was a literary novel that felt like a string of short stories, so perhaps after all the shifting perspectives of My Favorite Girlfriend, my brain was craving something a little more concrete.

Outside of my Read Around the World quest, I consciously vary the types of books I read so I do not burn out on a particular genre. These are the last five audiobooks I read:

• How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: A blend of sci-fi, speculative fiction, dystopia, and fantasy
• The Last Devil to Die (Thursday Murder Club #4) by Richard Osman: Murder mystery
• The Grace Year by Kim Liggett: Another blend of sci-fi, speculative fiction, dystopia, and fantasy
• Shards of Honor by Lois McMaster Bujold: Sci-fi
• The Overstay by Richard Powers: Literary fiction

Aaaaaand now I’m laughing at myself, because I have obviously not been following my own advice. Clearly I’ve been on a sci-fi bender in recent months, but I did squeeze in a murder mystery to spice things up and I’m currently reading Slow Dance by Rainbow Rowell which is very much NOT sci-fi.

OKAY. I believe that is enough rambling for one post. Can you tell I am supposed to be revising my novel-in-progess as soon as I hit publish on this post? Or maybe I just feel guilty for not having more to say about my book for Cyprus…