Today is Day 48 – 48!!! – of my menstrual cycle.

I have been back on Zoloft now for three weeks. When I first started, I thought I needed the Zoloft for pandemic anxiety. But when I started Zoloft, I was just on Day 28 or Day 29 of my cycle. Now I am seeing that there must be a hormonal component to my anxiety as well.

I do not want to discount pandemic anxiety. My god, there is so much going on these days. I am definitely affected by all this ongoing uncertainty and the complete upheaval of our daily lives; and I am grieving the 2020-21 school year that I thought we were going for have.

But still, holy shit: hormones!

I had insomnia the past four nights. I would fall asleep just fine, wake up to pee, and then be up for hours. A couple nights I did manage to get a little more sleep. A couple nights I did not.

Last night, as I lie awake, and felt surges of adrenaline rushing through my body, I remembered that when I had postpartum depression after both my pregnancies, I needed to take 150 mg of Zoloft. After I had Julian, my doctor started me on 100 mg, and that worked for about two and a half months. Then I had three nights of insomnia. My doctor bumped me up to 150 mg and I was fine. Maybe I need to go back to 150 mg of Zoloft now that I am on Day 48 of what appears to be perimenopause. Or maybe not? This is uncharted territory for me!

I emailed my psychiatrist. I have a feeling she will agree with my assessment, but if she suggests something else, I am willing to try.

I also scheduled an appointment with my primary physician. She is a naturopath and is great with recommending dietary changes and supplements.

I have also completely quit caffeine. I did quit caffeine at the beginning of July when I first felt all these surges of anxiety, but I was still having decaf coffee. When this new wave of insomnia started, I looked up the caffeine content in my Venti Iced Decaf Americano from Starbucks – 25 mg! That is not nothing! Now I am just drinking water, tea and caffeine-free soda. I’d like to wean myself off soda completely, but baby steps, folks. I am not a saint.

I do not know if Zoloft is good for perimenopause. If it is: hooray! If it is not, I am sure there is something that will help me soothe all this agitation and insomnia.